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i had a dream that everyone was at the second story at our school near ms. hinlo's class and i was crying outside the classroom. everyone was asking what was wrong. i walked up to 'ai' and told her that i was sorry. (it felt like i finally said it in person) i apologized for everything. everyone was just clueless. and as i started walking away, i said to myself, "i wish i can just fade away..." i walked to mr. macias old classroom and climb up on the ramp and even though i heard everyone to tell me to stop, i didn't hestitated. i jump off.

i have never had the strong urge of killing myself in front of everyone...i had the urge before but not that strong...it felt good and relieving...^_^

i woke up still crying. and the today i wanted to tell "ai" but i couldn't make it to school because of a stomache ache/vomiting.

i was guessing that if i told her, she'll slap me in the head..hahaha. i'm afraid i might cry in front of her...