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In the darkness, I have power, more so than I ever thought. I am aware that my body doesn't change from the day, but the effect it has on my mind is incredible. recently I had the chance to spar one of my friends in the arena I most like. there was room to move but still a good many walls, to use, it was dark, and somewhat cold. Everything about this arena was perfect, and it lent me exactly what I needed. I tired to hold back and I was able throughout most of the match, but towards the end I couldn't handle all of this wasted perfection and ended up using one of the six trigrams that I on;y use if I absolutely need them and nearly broke my friends skull.
my point being that when everything works out so that I am able to do something special, and I have been craving do do that action for most of the time that I have been ambient, it is horribly hard to keep myself in check. If I had speed up my action even a small amount more than I had, I could have killed my friend, and I know that I could not deal with more trauma than I have already.
I could have let my body have complete control, but then I would have killed him. trusting your gut is not always the best option, so in a sense, this mind that I hate so much may have a use after all.