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what do you want?
is there anything I can do at this point?
even if you say something, can it be trusted?
will you say something to keep me away out of shame, even if you still needed me?
to whom do I owe the pleasure of these questions?

to myself. if I want something or someone, what keeps me from getting it? if I am hungry but give my lunch money to someone else am I happy? is it worth the kindness to people who have become so accustomed to others that they never see you until they are alone? if loneliness progresses, insanity follows, unless you are autonomous enough to survive the silence. am I autonomous? is that why I was so accepting of Velius or was it that I needed interaction regardless of how dark that interaction was?
being alone as a kid messes you up, hard. people become more gods than peers and you envy and try to experience every interaction there is. if the first human you interact with is cruel in your eyes, you become a solder, constantly looking to keep people away but still be apart of them.
it is interesting, paradoxical in all manors yet still interesting. do you dare fight agents the gods that you so wanted to be like? do you alienate yourself or do you fall....
fast....
hard....
in obscurity?
you fight them. you taste the blood of another even without killing them. you become unstoppable. all of those years of living in pain have harnessed you into the perfect warrior. you feel no pain mentally, emotionally of physically. you are not bothered by the sight of death, you train yourself to fight and you learn faster and more accurately than others due to unclouded logic. you see the folly and weakness of those gods that rained supreme in your mind and you sharpen your anger to be a knife, ready for use, yet easy to hide.
all of this out of loneliness. do you see how slight actions to a child can turn them into the most insatiable of beasts?

this is one outlook, it may be right it may be folly, but it is something that bares thought.