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all i can think about is you. why me, why me so young finding out that the man i called my dad was not my dad at all.being lyed to about somthing so serious as this.you say you understand my pain but you have no idea what i have gone through. you tell me it will be okay.....you have no clue what you are talking about.....you have both your parents and i have "one" and a stupid man that you say you "love". i dont know half of my family. they would embrace and love me like no other people i have ever meet. you have no idea how much blood i've shead and the tears i have cried. you have no idea what i feel. i constantly feel lime im worthless and no one will ever care let alone love me. he is not important you say......he is apart of me, a peice of my heart and "soul" and you just cast my feelings aside like they are worthless.

I'm ready to be hurt by him but atleast i can say i meet him. This is somthing i need to do, to feel the love and compation i have so longed for my whole life or the hurt and rejection but atleast i would have some clousure. And that horrible man you call "honey" and you say you "love" him. Well if you really loved me you would leave him for the bettering of me and my borther, but i don't think it will happen because you "love" him so much,but every time you say that your lossing more and more of me and pretty soon I'm going to be so out of your reach that there is no hope for you to get me back,because you have lost my trust not only as a person but as a mother and that I would think would be the most important thing in your life oh wait theres drinking and smoking there is another thing you lie to me about "I'll quit,I'll quit" give me a break you have been saying that for so long your just wasting your time. Go ahead and slowly kill yourself because I have tryed to help so much.

So take me words of pain and hurt and see if you can change your ways and to let m have clouser if not then you are no longer apart of me life. Just another page in my book of sorrow.

Think about your words and see the pain you put me through. Think about me as an adult, feeling like a waste of space because you never gave me the love and compassion I deseved and longed for. Think about my sorrow. Think about my tears. Think about the years of torment that i have undergone because of your actions,your words and your unloving ways.

You say that you will do any thing to help me thrigh my pain and sorrow but so far you have done nothing at all not one thing to better my life,emotions and my future. My self-esteem is horibble. I look in the mirror and I hate what it is i see, nothing pretty or beautful nothing worth giving time of attention to.

I constatly feel like im not good enought. I feel like I let you down because im not the "normal" girl,I feel like a freak, so ugly and unwanted, like I should be pu away from the world so that no one can see me.

No one should have to go through the pain i have endured. No one should have to feel unwanted and cast aside like nothing but garbadge. I would'nt wish the stuff i have gone through on my worst enemies.
Now you know my feelings that I have bottled up for so long.

By:
Tiffany Taylor (a.k.a me!!!)