Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I lost my will to have sex. I guess by now, even the physical responses that should be there don't matter any more. In truth, it is kind of nice to not feel the constant pull of working so hard just to get laid, however, with this gone as well, I think I am becoming less and less human by the day. I have been trying to get it back (it referring to any feeling or motivation to do so) but even though my body responds normally, my mind just remains out of it. in fact, though I have been with more people than I can remember, there was only one person who I could be fully drawn to, mind, body, spirit, but she is gone so I guess I am lost. it is not to say that the many times after her weren't pleasurable, they just felt wrong, and lost.

an old friend of mine once said this while kicking my a** at fencing..."repetition creates skill and precision, but the the magic brought by accomplishment wains with every step forward."

maybe I just did it too much that it is second nature to me.

either way, now the thing that I want the most out of life is companionship, I want to be with someone, to guide and be lead, to pass on what I know and to understand what should be known by me. I want someone I can sleep next to, not someone I need to sleep with.