#@$#)(*$)#(* *sigh* I hate dreams.
It's interesting how our lives our influenced by the people around us. More, not just by the people but by our surroundings, by things we happen across. Sometimes, a brief chance encounter has as much impact as an association spanning all the years of our life.
I know for myself, it isn't only the people around me that have an impact, but also everything that I see, everything that I read, and the environment in which I find myself.
I also have a somewhat difficult ... talent? I'm not sure what word to use for it. When I read or watch something, when I imagine something, I don't simply sit and think about it, I experience it. Well I'm not physically there, obviously. I'll try to illustrate.
When I read a newspaper account about a woman who was raped, I don't simply frown and note to myself to be more careful when venturing around outside. My mind conjures up images of what happened, complete with the terror, the anger, the hopelessness. I cry, and then even once I've calmed down, for weeks or months, I am paranoid about the curtains being open even a bit, about stepping outside if I can't see everything, I want to glance around suspiciously whenever I go out.
You may think that's over the top and that I'm exaggerating, but it actually happened. It was about that time that I firmly decided that if there was anything in the news I really needed to know, other people would be talking about it, and I'd hear about it, without needing to read or watch all the details.
That makes it hard for me to remember things sometimes though. Not because the memory isn't there, but because remembering brings with it the full experience. The only thing that seems to dull this is if enough time has passed that I don't remember it very well anymore.
I remember, when my grandparents first moved out of their 'dome' house up in Alaska. It was the one from my childhood, nestled in forest on the lakeside, with pastures and mountains nearby. My fondest memories of being a child will always be there, at that house. It was hard to believe I wouldn't be able to go there anymore. I don't think, by now, that the dome itself even exists. Those that bought the land have likely torn it down and built something else by now. I can't bear to go look and see. I want to remember it as it was.
As a child, I spent all my school vacations out at that house, with my grandparents, and the youngest of their daughters, my aunt, who is only ten years my senior. My grandfather, though he was often harsh and unkind to his daughters, and even to most of his grandchildren, never failed to have a smile for me. He wasn't home all that much. He loved the outdoors and was rarely home for long in the summertime before he'd be off leading another hiking group.
I wasn't old enough for him to let me go on the hikes that lasted several days or a week or so, but I went on the day hikes that were closer to home. Those were such lovely days, tramping through the woods, enjoying the sunshine and the forests. We'd hike to the top of the nearby mountain and go blueberry picking. To this day, the smell of a forest after a fresh rainfall is one of my favorite scents in the world.
My grandmother's health wasn't good enough for her to accompany us on the hikes. No, but she'd always be ready to greet us when we came back. She had a lovely smile, and she smiled often. She was home most of the time, so I got to spend much more time with her than with my grandfather.
Some nights, when I had trouble sleeping, I'd tiptoe down the hallway to her room to talk for a while. She had a large waterbed that she slept on, which I swear was the most comfortable bed in the world. She always kept track of her family, no matter how far they'd ranged or what they were up to, something that always seemed amazing to me, since she had six daughters and innumerable grandchildren.
I could write so much more, but it still hurts to remember and then realize that she's not there anymore. Still, the influence that she had on me, that they both had on me, continues forward. I often hope, that whatever influence I leave in my wake, when I'm gone... will be as positive.
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Kava's Ramblings
Insights, Observations, Scenes, Thoughts, and other miscellenous and etcetera from the mind of an online nut...
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Kava
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Grawr?Rwrz!
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candy_freak757 Community Member 
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christastar
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bento beatdown
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Ayanami Rei First Child Community Member 
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I don't remember helping you with anything, but I helped a lot of people when I was a moderator, and I know I don't remember all their names. In any case you are welcome. Gaia owes me nothing at this point, I resigned nearly a year ago, so I don't understand what it is you're saying they should give me. Your comments are a bit confusing. Thanks. -Kava