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Sleep. Oh how I miss you sleep.

Ever since last Tuesday night, I haven't been getting much of it. Sure, I get enough sleep to function, and to keep the dark circles light enough to be covered by make-up, but really...It's starting to piss me off that I have to use it at all.

I teeter, I totter. I wobble and sway. I stumble on perfectly flat ground. Every once in a while I see the door handle on the other side of the door, when I know perfectly well its not. And the fact that I'm dead tired when I fall into my bed at night, and yet too wired to sleep, doesn't help much at all. I stay awake until five or five thirty each morning, just to get an hours sleep before I have to get up for school.

My dreams, my nightmares. Both of them joined to the memories that I don't ever want to remember. They keep me awake, or when I'm sleeping, they wake me up...Usually loudly. My brother can vouch on this one...I usually wake him up too...

Lately I wake up about a half hour after I finally get to sleep, because I'm not breathing. Sure it happened alot before too, but these times it's different. It's not the fact that I'm not breathing, it's the fact that I can't. It's like trying to breathe when you have a giant truck on your chest, except when I open my eyes, it's not a truck. Theres nothing there. When I was little and this happened, there was always something there...something to blame it on. Now...Nothing... Nothing to see and nothing to feel other then this bruising force on my chest.

Now you guys are probably thinking, 'Well why don't you just flip over, or roll off the bed?'. I can't. I can't move my arms, my legs or anything. After about thirty seconds, which is a very long time when you can't breathe, the pressure eases, but then theres the left over feeling of impending doom. I'm not kidding. I usually have to leave the room and sleep outside of the door, because the fear is only in the room. Adn when I say leave the room, I mean run out because you can feel the threat in the room. It's almost physical. I've made the couch into an immediate sleeping facility for those nights...

Now I don't want whomever is actually going to read this post to be worried about me, it should pass. It usually does. It's just set off from the dreams I've been having lately. Dreams...pah. Nightmares. But again, they're only causing me to loose sleep, and not anything more. So it's no big deal, and I can handle it just fine. I just...needed to write it down.

Kay.