I normally dont rant or let my emotions flow down from my brain and into my finger tips that quickly tap against the keys to form words and sentences of pure depression. But ******** what do you expect me to do? I really hate emotions at times. Useless tools of unwanted things. If I didnt have emotions I would probably be much more tolerable. Yet at times I do indeed feel happiness. Yay for me. And most of the time my anger gets the best of me and shoves me into a bottomless pit of depression and angsty emo-ness. But sadly to infrom you all, I am indeed far from emo. Let alone the fact that I am at times excessivly happy. I suffer from it. Putting it into view its like a sugar rush, but in happiness. Once you eat the sugar you are hyper and loud, then when you fall from it you are tired. I work the same way, but from happiness to utter depression. And no I'm not bitching or complaining. You all want to know me correct? Sooo I post this s**t on my journal for you all to read and get the real feel of Ray. Not many people see past my fake mask of happiness. No its not there all the time, because all the time I seem happy about 78% of it is real happiness. The other 22% is other emotions I need not show, besides anger. When I angry I show it.
And being that I am an artist of sorts, I write to vent. Yes Ray vents. To whom? Paper. Why? Because the paper doesnt talk back, it has no smart remarks or rude things to say and interupt me with. It just listens quietly enjoying the feel of the pen brush against it. Or I vent to my computer, who also says nothing but listens and allows me to make hushed tapping noises until 4:00 A.M. And in doing so, I suffer from a worse than before case of insomnia. Yes I, Ray Akaru, am an insomniac. I was before but it was a minor case of only being able to sleep maybe 30 minutes to an hour a night if I didnt take my sleeping pills. Now my pills dont work so I dont take them. And I'll sleep maybe once or twice a week. If I'm that lucky. Other than that I lay there with my eyes shut in a comatose like state. Funny aint it? How one minute your life is fine and dadny s**t maybe even nifty. Then the next you are sitting on your couch at 3:00 A.M. telling yourself that you really should get to sleep before your mom wakes up. But please dont post comments of arrogence or stupidity. I am utterly fed up with being surrounded by stupid people.
Oh and for all of you who are reading this and saying I'm bitching about my life when others are just like me. I realize this yes. I just have certain ways of getting things out. And if that bothers you, dont talk about it on my comments a** hole. Private message me and we'll chat about your stupidity and my higher level of thinking and understanding what goes on in my own head and around me. Other than that I'm done and I havent much more to say to you all. So Au`revior.
And being that I am an artist of sorts, I write to vent. Yes Ray vents. To whom? Paper. Why? Because the paper doesnt talk back, it has no smart remarks or rude things to say and interupt me with. It just listens quietly enjoying the feel of the pen brush against it. Or I vent to my computer, who also says nothing but listens and allows me to make hushed tapping noises until 4:00 A.M. And in doing so, I suffer from a worse than before case of insomnia. Yes I, Ray Akaru, am an insomniac. I was before but it was a minor case of only being able to sleep maybe 30 minutes to an hour a night if I didnt take my sleeping pills. Now my pills dont work so I dont take them. And I'll sleep maybe once or twice a week. If I'm that lucky. Other than that I lay there with my eyes shut in a comatose like state. Funny aint it? How one minute your life is fine and dadny s**t maybe even nifty. Then the next you are sitting on your couch at 3:00 A.M. telling yourself that you really should get to sleep before your mom wakes up. But please dont post comments of arrogence or stupidity. I am utterly fed up with being surrounded by stupid people.
Oh and for all of you who are reading this and saying I'm bitching about my life when others are just like me. I realize this yes. I just have certain ways of getting things out. And if that bothers you, dont talk about it on my comments a** hole. Private message me and we'll chat about your stupidity and my higher level of thinking and understanding what goes on in my own head and around me. Other than that I'm done and I havent much more to say to you all. So Au`revior.
