Damn it! why is it that now everyone wants to chose this time to start treating me differently. Gah!!! I can't take it!... well maybe I can but yeah. being an adult means that I gotta do a lot of decision making. one word. headeache. god my head hurts and I have no Idea why I'm writing in this journal write now but yeah I am. Gah! I think he's bigger than me! he as in my best friend! I hate him. I envy him . anyways yeah I just wrote a whole paragraph or probably more about him in my last entry so no more on him... he's cleaner too. Blah!!! Wahhh! I dislike his perfectness. well almost perfectness but not as bad as me. Whatever well I still haven't fully matured yet and I'm already 18. talk about a slow body. maybe it's because I'm fat. that's probably it. grrr. I am so stuck on that. I wanna be that wide too! Ahhh!!!! I'm a big a** cry baby! I need to man up....but I'm can't if he's.... Ahhh! so anyways yeah My g/f is gone crazy. I think she's like all over me because I start gropeing her breast in art today but I guess you can't blam her after being messed with all freak'n night by her sister. (she was doing x10 more gropeing than me). anyhow I've stuck on this tennis thing. I don't know if I should go with them to practice or not because well I don't really want to play tennis. the only reason I'd go is so I could do the leg excersizes with them and all of the other work out stuff. I actually enjoy going to the gym and believe it or not that is a good place to relieve some stress. problem with that is the gym is always located in a horrible messed up neighborhood. well anyways like most of my friends are on tennis except for me and now I feel left out again like I did this friday. 'sigh' well I guess if I don't wanna miss out on too much more stuff I should try to at least make an attempt to show up if of course it's not too late.
Can you all believe that I haven't sent out not one single application to a college yet nor have I did any of my finacial aid. this stuff is just insane and the school year is about to be over. Okay why am I back on that best friend situation. well I'm glad he has a lot of confidence in himself. I like it when he accepts his down falls and just live with them with out letting them bring him down. I wanna be more like that. so yeah and today I need to call walgreens so that I can hopefully get a job there. man I really hope that I can because not only is a decent job but I'm also close to my g/f and best/f's house. yah! but I really need to get this college stuff done along with my internet class and finacial stuff. those things are extremely important and I haven't been taking them seriously enough. well I can't think of much to say rather than yeah my sexuality is a bit of a ? and I've been perverted as hell lately and also thinking of my past which of course none of you know because telling you all would be like reopening a scar and I don't need half of the guild disliking me because of it. but the only reason I said that is because of some personal things and my realtionship with my g/f which is starting to make me realize, we have a lot of bad things in common that I wish that we kinda didn't. she needs to stop cutting herself. If I can stop peircing she can stop cutting. Wahhh! I want all of the sexy girls of kenwood to come back like miss jovion! now I gotta deal with sexy males which is throwing me off because I'm actually callin them sexy! theres only a few left like my g/f and amy but back then it was soo many (which is sad because every girl I liked seem to always be lez or bi... guess it's just my bad luck but hey I kinda like that in them especially miss jovion) My best friend is also one of those good looking people! but ya know what! i DON'T CARE! that's why he's being attacked by acne! hahahahahaha! but it doesn't phase him as much as I would want it to! he needs to be ugly so I can feel better about my self. best friends should be equal! if he's good look'n then I should be too! I wanna cry again! Okay wait! no I don't! I'm a man! grown men don't cry.................WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I hate myself! I'm so weird and lost!
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'sigh' You all amaze me at the fact that you all actually read this stuff.
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