It’s really depressing to know that one of your close/best friends is leaving in just a few more days. I mean he’s really going to the marines after all. I swear I could’ve sworn that everything was going to be just fine. He smiled at us and told us that everything was going to be alright but when time started to slip away, that’s when the news was broken to us that running away was futile. No matter what… he was still going to the marines. My inner smile was broken and all of my hopes was just trampled on. I always felt that no matter what, Merciful, Rayne and Blaze was always going to be around. Even if I didn’t talk to them much, that they’d still be beside me no matter what. That’s true and all but this isn’t how I wanted it to be. Not like this… not to me being restricted to only seeing him on holidays and summers. I mean and not even that’s guaranteed. Just like… Usagi. My old best friend and old crush who I’ve known since the 4th grade. For seven years of my life I had to live on the hope of someday seeing her again. I would talk to her on the phone but because of my bad habit of not wanting to call people, our phone conversations have been reduced to like once or twice a month… at the least. But with Merciful at the marines, I feel so… so … hurt. I don’t know why. It’s like fate is trying to take something precious away from me again. I know that I’m really spoiled and have always been for all of my life but the people that I call my friends and the ones that are closest to me are the ones that I feel are apart of me. Usagi, Rayne, Merciful, Blaze, and Keiko. Those 5 people have made such a big impact on my life. And now it’s hard for me to see a future with out them. I’ve grown so attached to them that I wish that the days we spent together could last forever but I guess it can only last through memories. I mean I always hated being intimidated by merciful but it only hurt when I was gang on by him and Rayne along with Blaze on some occasions, calling me useless all the damn time. But although I may have been sensitive with those events, I still treasured them. Except for your cheap blows involving my feelings for others.
On my recent conversation with Usagi, I didn’t get a chance to end the conversation on a good note. The last thing we were discussing was merciful leaving. It was something I wanted to avoid since I didn’t want to make Usagi any more depressed then she already was. Sadly enough the opposite happened. I was the one becoming depressed. It was hard for me to keep up a conversation. I couldn’t even jump to a different subject like I usually do. Even looking at the clouds almost made me cry. I just never knew how much of friend he was to me until like a month ago before we graduated from high school, but to think that him leaving to the marines would strike me so hard. I guess it’s because of all he’s done for me ever since we became friends. I never knew kindness from strangers until I went to Kenwood. First was Rayne. Although we just met, he invited me to his house. I kinda felt honored that he’d do such a thing for some annoying person like me. He talked to me about his complex, the snow man he was building that he spent a long time doing one night only for it to only have a bottom the next day. He even gave me bus cards to last through the week when I’d recklessly spend money for idle stuff, like my Michelle Branch CD. Merciful was even worse. Randomly he’d just give me things, like basically anything that I could’ve needed. And we were only friends!!! I mean example: We talk about some game we’ve both played on the playstation. I tell him that I can’t play it anymore because I don’t have a PS it my mom’s house. So what does he do? He gives me his for like a whole year and maybe more. Then when I said I couldn’t hook it up to my TV, he gives me a VCR. I mean seriously!?! What person just gives you what you need at like the snap of a finger? I mean he wouldn’t do it with the snap of a finger unless you wanted to have your fingers broken off but he would do it.
Having a friend like Merciful is a big reason for why I call myself spoiled. I mean with out him. Most of the events that me and the rest of my friends plan would never be possible without him. Basically he treated us all like we were all his kids… well me especially. Maybe some others but I know for a fact that I was the slowest one so he’d always mess with me the most. I remember the time where I hated Merciful the most. Back Junior year was when I hated his guts. During the time I wasn’t too sure why but I just knew that being around him really pissed me off. Only problem with staying mad at him was because Merciful was Merciful. No matter how mad I was he would always be able to put a smile on my face. I would laugh and laugh but then later I would resent being happy with him. I found out finally why my hate was so strong when I had my long interesting conversation with Blaze. During this time he was really cool with Merciful and couldn’t understand why someone like me would dislike him. I told him about my first true love and how the way she fell for Merciful. How the way she would tell me that she couldn’t talk long because she wanted to use the rest of her limited time with him. How the way she was able to fall in love with him…someone she’s never met before… choosing him over her childhood friend. But I guess… because I was her childhood friend… all I could ever be to her is a brother instead of a lover. What’s sad is how much Merciful would rub it in my face that she loves him and how he was “destined to take all of my women away from me”. It really hurt. I was so powerless against him and I guess till this day, I still am.
Merciful was just always 3 steps ahead of me in everything. Far as school, I was only one step above him but what did that matter. Everyone always said “well at least you can draw” but I was so limited with that. I hated hearing that from people because it was true. When ever I compare myself to Merciful, the only thing I can see myself surpassing him in would be drawings and maybe some other mediocre things. I just hated being below him and I hated him always gloating about it too. but no matter how evil he would be to me, from physically messing with to ******** me up mentally, he’d always help me out. Even when he knew I didn’t like him that much junior year he still helped me out. With school work and even with Usagi. He gave me tips and suggestions and always tried to keep me updated on anything that wasn’t supposed to be a secret. Problem with all of that was every time I would take his advice, I would sooner or later tell Usagi that he helped me and of course it give him more points than he wanted with her. I was an idiot but idiot or not, Merciful would still be there to help me no matter how much I’d seem to fail. I guess that’s just the type of guy merciful is.
I guess I’m also gonna miss that feeling of safety and security around him. Although he didn’t look like it, Merciful was a strong a**. Do not let the glasses fool you. That’s just his way to restrain himself from unleashing on people and becoming berserk. I felt extremely safe around Merciful because of his strength and knowledge of human weaknesses. Knowing some things about his experiences kinda made me fear him as well but because he was my friend, I was kinda okay… until he demonstrated some things to us. What’s even worse is when Merciful has any type of weapon in his hand that resembles a sword. He would kill a person with a stick alone if he had the chance to but god! Why is he so powerful with wooden swords and kendo sticks? When we were having a get together for keiko’s b-day, that ignorant man over powered me with one hand. I was using a wooden sword and he was using a kendo stick. He some how managed to push my arm behind my back and make my sword come up between my legs almost attacking an area which I would not have been too happy to hit. Just too many good times. I’m glad that with all the times we were together, I would always take time to treasure the moments since you never know when it’ll end.
But what I don’t understand is why was I the one to receive most of Merciful’s things? I really think I don’t deserve them. I mean Merciful worked so hard to build up his Anime Collection. With out him spending his checks to have new complete box sets on a daily basis then we would know nothing of Anime. I mean I have his Anime, his Hentai. His Porn, and all of his shougen jump magazines. Along with other magazines and his computer. I mean good god damn! Was all of that necessary? It’s just so sad to me. I feel as if I’m taking advantage of him. As if our whole friend ship has just been me taking advantage of him and being spoiled by him. I really don’t deserve his trust. I lost one of the few things that he actually cared about. Something he let me see and entrusted me with for a year and a half and I ended up losing it. I thought he’d never trust me again but I guess I was wrong. He trust me more than I’d ever imagine and for that I’m thankful. I wish he could’ve been here longer so that he could see me get a job finally and start treating him out for things instead of him always treating us out. So maybe I am a bum and a idiot but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m grateful for all of the things that he’s done for us… especially me. I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this rambling of mine is thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for always sticking up for me, thank you for constantly spoiling me, thank you for always just… hell being you but of course, most of all, Thank you for being Duruso’s Friend. I appreciate that the most out of everything. Life wouldn’t had been as great as it was with out you around. I hope your experiences with the marines turn out to be better than you expect them to be and I hope that I get a chance to see you hell of more than holidays and summers. I’m gonna miss that perverted attitude of yours the most. Cause you know, closet perverts envy open perverts the most.
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'sigh' You all amaze me at the fact that you all actually read this stuff.
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