Well this year pretty much sucked.No, im not talking about being a whiny little emo either. and yeah, imma spill it all in this nifty little post. Do note: im not saying it ALL sucked, there Were some ups to it all. Though, not a whole bunch of ups when compared to all the downs. let me list it Month. By. Month.
January:
Well, not a whole heck of a lot i remember about this month, i mean, it was almost a year ago. Well, yeah, i do. i had spent christmas with my mom and it was...decent. well, this is the month AFTER christmas so; i know i wasn't the happiest ever, and life started to take a big fat shitter. but yes, i was dating James.
♥February:♥
♥ah, the month of effing love. and the stupid hallmark holiday: Valentines day. UCK, well, this month wasn't the worst of them all. James had asked my to marry him the very very very beginning of the month. i remember he joked, " Lynda, love, you said you wont accept a Valentines gift unless you are engaged, end it is from the man you're engaged to." i don't exactly remember what he said next, but then he said, "Lynda, i know it may not work out, and you have right to decline."~a pause~"Lynda, Marie, Griffin. will you marry me; Travis, James, Self?" and of course, i squealed, said yes, and then he sighed and said, "Lynda, Marie, Self. a beautiful name." and this was all at either Cooper mountain, or Copper mountain(ski places.). and it was amazing. for Valentines day he got my a teddy bear, sent me a ring, and the most amazing letter ive ever gotten.(i still have all three.)this month is a very significant month for me.♥
March.
Hm, March. Dad and i started fighting really bad, and i hung out alot more at moms house. i think it was around this month(in spring break.) i had ran away to Robyn Fooshee's house, and yeah. that was the beginning of Spring break. the next day she took me to go meet hell. by Hell i mean Tec, Harley, Julian(who is aw the other night.),Kevin, Gizmo, and Roy. Good times, good times. (all at the end if im not mistaken-of the month i mean.)
April:
you know how they say, 'April showers bring may flowers?" well, that's kinda what happened. April was Tec's birthday. he turned legal. yes, i hung out over there alot now. at their house i mean.dad and i started to fight really bad. i don't even know what half the s**t was. it was this month i began to consider moving in with mom permanently. dad and i had gotten into it bad enough that i just ended up leaving a few times, i went to Tec's.
this month also holds a moment of mourning. i lost a dear friend of mine in a shooting. i write this to him.
you hold a place in my heart, forever and always. i will always hold our memories inside of me. from the moment you got me to play Legos with you, up to when you made me watch the matrix. even the food your mom cooked. Lost, but never forgotten, rest in peace, we shall see you abroad.
May:
the flowers that April's showers brought you ask? well, in April i had found James had gone to jail, simply because he's a dumb a**, but my dumb a** at that. well, the flowers that those showers brought in was that i was beginning to consider leaving him. later on, i did. we were still friends at that point. another big moment: i lost something to some one i still hold dear. i write this to him(he knows who he is); do you remember the night we talked for about an hour. on Im? and i started rambling and you said it was nervousness/anxiety? i do. and now, every time i just think about you, i want to cry, just to release the urge to have some one to cuddle with....to have you to cuddle with. but i can't cry. you've seen me cry once or twice before, mainly when my friend died....i would kill for that moment back. sitting on your bed, talking, you whispering to me, hugging me...it made me feel so secure so safe, and most of all, it made me fall in love with you. but i fear that that shall never happen again. every day the school bus goes by your house i look at your window, and i want to cry, so badly. or just to pull back memories of us talking, or hugging. or watching the crow. but i cant. i cant cry any more. just remembering that youve seen me cry, makes me want to cry harder. i still care for you, i love you. but you dont. i know that, for fact. and the world will spin, even thought i want to go back to that moment in your room, and just hold, and be held by you, and make the world stop spinning. but i cant. you've probably found some other girl...why shouldnt you? i just want you to know that i love you. and that no matter how much it hurts me, id do anything to see you happy. even if its being happy for you and who ever She might be. im happy for you, whatever decisions you make. know this, i dont regret our time spent together, i just want it back; so that i wont have to hurt like this anymore.
June:
my birthday!!!
June 27, me and like, a billion friends went to go see Wally. the weekend after i went to Tec and Harleys house, after going to the Ren. fair. Oh, and might i add i was in summer school? well, i was. well, i had by now moved in with mom. well, i came home that night and mom and i got into it really bad. i ended up getting grounded, and i got really really depressed.
July:
After i had gotten grounded in june, i had decided to cut my arm for the first time on july 3. i had gone into memorial hospital that day from summer school. i had later gone back to school. i came back to moms house that day, sam having drove me. mom and i got into it really really really really bad. she had burnt my left hand with a ciggarett. i still have the scar if you care to see it. so mom called the cops, and i ended up going back to memorial. i spent that night there. the next morning i was sent to Parkveiw medical rehabilitaion center, in peublo. what a weekend....
i had gotten out of moms house on july 26. mom had backed me into a corner and basically beat the hell out of me. dad came and got me, and sammie refused to let me go back there again.
god had answered my first prayer of many to come.
August:
i began attending school at panorama middle. not the best place, or so i thought. it ended up being a rather good school. i met Lyssa, Dah'nisha, and Robyn. lyssa s a truly amazing girl, she is now considered a sister to me. Nisha is also that of a sister to me, as well as my first Jahova's witness friend. shes a really nifty chick. Robyn is tec's little sister. some one who i hold dear to me, on various levels.
September:
i cried, alot. mainly on 9/11. also because it was a friends birthday i know i wont be able to see again. well, at least for a really really long time. thats all i have for here. ohhh...and sammie moved out of dads house, and into Chris's home.
October:
sammies birthday of course. i went on my first hunting trip with my dad. before though, my mom told my dad flat out i was not alloud to be pulled out of school for a week. id stay at her house. dad declined the demanding offer. mom and i got into it over the phone, and i told her, "you need to grow up, and get out of my life. you can talk to me again when you do grow up." and i went hunting. the deer tastes yummy. ^.^
November:
turkey day. i got my dad to go to church! holy cows right? well yeah, and so i had thanksgiving at my omas and opas house. it was kinda dullish. and yeah. nothing imporatant here.
December:
this month. well....christmas, of course! i had gone to my moms house, i know right?! and had spent christmas eve with dad at his girlfriends house. it was fun. mom and i are attempting to speak again, against my will more so. but, whatever, right? well, i got mony,clothes, and a mouse for christmass. my friends lyssa and shannon had also gotten me things. an arm band, and a key chain bear from hottopic. then we all pitched in and got my mouse, mr.sweeny todd a little ball so he could roll around. this month has been pretty good.
2009:
i hope this year is better then the current. i hope it finds all my friends well and safe.
my Prayer:
Dear God, you have followed each and every one of us through these past years. we have all looked down to watch the foot prints in the sand as we walk along beside you. we have seen, or will see, when one set fades away. it is then we question if youve left us, only to hear you calm us and tell that it is us who is being carried. God, i hope none of us will fall that far, or hit the solid ground that hard this next year. i pray to You that You protect all, and walk beside us, and let us know You are there, O Lord. i ask of these all in good faith. i beg and implore that everything goes smoothly for every one, and when some one needs it, they can find a nearby shoulder to cry on. whether it be mine, or anothers, Lord, i want you to let them know we, You and i, among many, are here for them.
In Your holy name,
Amen.
~lynda.
January:
Well, not a whole heck of a lot i remember about this month, i mean, it was almost a year ago. Well, yeah, i do. i had spent christmas with my mom and it was...decent. well, this is the month AFTER christmas so; i know i wasn't the happiest ever, and life started to take a big fat shitter. but yes, i was dating James.
♥February:♥
♥ah, the month of effing love. and the stupid hallmark holiday: Valentines day. UCK, well, this month wasn't the worst of them all. James had asked my to marry him the very very very beginning of the month. i remember he joked, " Lynda, love, you said you wont accept a Valentines gift unless you are engaged, end it is from the man you're engaged to." i don't exactly remember what he said next, but then he said, "Lynda, i know it may not work out, and you have right to decline."~a pause~"Lynda, Marie, Griffin. will you marry me; Travis, James, Self?" and of course, i squealed, said yes, and then he sighed and said, "Lynda, Marie, Self. a beautiful name." and this was all at either Cooper mountain, or Copper mountain(ski places.). and it was amazing. for Valentines day he got my a teddy bear, sent me a ring, and the most amazing letter ive ever gotten.(i still have all three.)this month is a very significant month for me.♥
March.
Hm, March. Dad and i started fighting really bad, and i hung out alot more at moms house. i think it was around this month(in spring break.) i had ran away to Robyn Fooshee's house, and yeah. that was the beginning of Spring break. the next day she took me to go meet hell. by Hell i mean Tec, Harley, Julian(who is aw the other night.),Kevin, Gizmo, and Roy. Good times, good times. (all at the end if im not mistaken-of the month i mean.)
April:
you know how they say, 'April showers bring may flowers?" well, that's kinda what happened. April was Tec's birthday. he turned legal. yes, i hung out over there alot now. at their house i mean.dad and i started to fight really bad. i don't even know what half the s**t was. it was this month i began to consider moving in with mom permanently. dad and i had gotten into it bad enough that i just ended up leaving a few times, i went to Tec's.
this month also holds a moment of mourning. i lost a dear friend of mine in a shooting. i write this to him.
you hold a place in my heart, forever and always. i will always hold our memories inside of me. from the moment you got me to play Legos with you, up to when you made me watch the matrix. even the food your mom cooked. Lost, but never forgotten, rest in peace, we shall see you abroad.
May:
the flowers that April's showers brought you ask? well, in April i had found James had gone to jail, simply because he's a dumb a**, but my dumb a** at that. well, the flowers that those showers brought in was that i was beginning to consider leaving him. later on, i did. we were still friends at that point. another big moment: i lost something to some one i still hold dear. i write this to him(he knows who he is); do you remember the night we talked for about an hour. on Im? and i started rambling and you said it was nervousness/anxiety? i do. and now, every time i just think about you, i want to cry, just to release the urge to have some one to cuddle with....to have you to cuddle with. but i can't cry. you've seen me cry once or twice before, mainly when my friend died....i would kill for that moment back. sitting on your bed, talking, you whispering to me, hugging me...it made me feel so secure so safe, and most of all, it made me fall in love with you. but i fear that that shall never happen again. every day the school bus goes by your house i look at your window, and i want to cry, so badly. or just to pull back memories of us talking, or hugging. or watching the crow. but i cant. i cant cry any more. just remembering that youve seen me cry, makes me want to cry harder. i still care for you, i love you. but you dont. i know that, for fact. and the world will spin, even thought i want to go back to that moment in your room, and just hold, and be held by you, and make the world stop spinning. but i cant. you've probably found some other girl...why shouldnt you? i just want you to know that i love you. and that no matter how much it hurts me, id do anything to see you happy. even if its being happy for you and who ever She might be. im happy for you, whatever decisions you make. know this, i dont regret our time spent together, i just want it back; so that i wont have to hurt like this anymore.
June:
my birthday!!!
June 27, me and like, a billion friends went to go see Wally. the weekend after i went to Tec and Harleys house, after going to the Ren. fair. Oh, and might i add i was in summer school? well, i was. well, i had by now moved in with mom. well, i came home that night and mom and i got into it really bad. i ended up getting grounded, and i got really really depressed.
July:
After i had gotten grounded in june, i had decided to cut my arm for the first time on july 3. i had gone into memorial hospital that day from summer school. i had later gone back to school. i came back to moms house that day, sam having drove me. mom and i got into it really really really really bad. she had burnt my left hand with a ciggarett. i still have the scar if you care to see it. so mom called the cops, and i ended up going back to memorial. i spent that night there. the next morning i was sent to Parkveiw medical rehabilitaion center, in peublo. what a weekend....
i had gotten out of moms house on july 26. mom had backed me into a corner and basically beat the hell out of me. dad came and got me, and sammie refused to let me go back there again.
god had answered my first prayer of many to come.
August:
i began attending school at panorama middle. not the best place, or so i thought. it ended up being a rather good school. i met Lyssa, Dah'nisha, and Robyn. lyssa s a truly amazing girl, she is now considered a sister to me. Nisha is also that of a sister to me, as well as my first Jahova's witness friend. shes a really nifty chick. Robyn is tec's little sister. some one who i hold dear to me, on various levels.
September:
i cried, alot. mainly on 9/11. also because it was a friends birthday i know i wont be able to see again. well, at least for a really really long time. thats all i have for here. ohhh...and sammie moved out of dads house, and into Chris's home.
October:
sammies birthday of course. i went on my first hunting trip with my dad. before though, my mom told my dad flat out i was not alloud to be pulled out of school for a week. id stay at her house. dad declined the demanding offer. mom and i got into it over the phone, and i told her, "you need to grow up, and get out of my life. you can talk to me again when you do grow up." and i went hunting. the deer tastes yummy. ^.^
November:
turkey day. i got my dad to go to church! holy cows right? well yeah, and so i had thanksgiving at my omas and opas house. it was kinda dullish. and yeah. nothing imporatant here.
December:
this month. well....christmas, of course! i had gone to my moms house, i know right?! and had spent christmas eve with dad at his girlfriends house. it was fun. mom and i are attempting to speak again, against my will more so. but, whatever, right? well, i got mony,clothes, and a mouse for christmass. my friends lyssa and shannon had also gotten me things. an arm band, and a key chain bear from hottopic. then we all pitched in and got my mouse, mr.sweeny todd a little ball so he could roll around. this month has been pretty good.
2009:
i hope this year is better then the current. i hope it finds all my friends well and safe.
my Prayer:
Dear God, you have followed each and every one of us through these past years. we have all looked down to watch the foot prints in the sand as we walk along beside you. we have seen, or will see, when one set fades away. it is then we question if youve left us, only to hear you calm us and tell that it is us who is being carried. God, i hope none of us will fall that far, or hit the solid ground that hard this next year. i pray to You that You protect all, and walk beside us, and let us know You are there, O Lord. i ask of these all in good faith. i beg and implore that everything goes smoothly for every one, and when some one needs it, they can find a nearby shoulder to cry on. whether it be mine, or anothers, Lord, i want you to let them know we, You and i, among many, are here for them.
In Your holy name,
Amen.
~lynda.
