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ok well, this was weird.
i woke up, got something to drink then the first thought that entered my head was why i hate my parents.
well, thinking of this caused a memory to come forth, when i was about 6ish

my dad and mom got into another one of their -the-whole-block-can-hear-us-yelling-and-screaming kind of fights. and so me and my sister went down stairs to her room and cried until it was over, by then it was about 6 at night. so my mom came downstairs, took sam, but left me. they didnt come home till the next day.

ive begun to think that that night played a major role in how id grow up.
i guess i felt very...hurt...and alone, knowing my mom would take my sister away from that hell, but not me. no, not her other daughter.
and lately, thats what ive been feeling like to her.
just her ''other daughter.''
and i think taht because i was left alone, when my dad was still mad and agry, i felt unsafe, and yet, she left me there every night they faught.
i remember asking her recently why she didnt take me to NY with her and sam. now normaly when i ask this she just says, "i wouldnt have been able to afford it." and im all like...BS. your BF you were using at that time was manager to a realy popular restraunt. and i mean like, if he wanted to, he could prolly BOUGHT NY!
so yeah but no, this time she said." you needed to bond with your father"
and ironicaly enough thats the sam damn awnser that she gave me all those years ago when i had asked her when she came home the next day, why haddnt she taken me too? because i needed to bond with a person who scared,a nd still does, the s**t outta me when he was mad. i needed to learn to LOVE, and CARE ABOUT a person who was always like THAT?!
BULL s**t!

so typing this ive realized i should not be getting so worked up about it all. it was just another one of my parents fights over who knows what, but this time...she just went farther then to her moms house, she went ot NY..thats all.
hmmm yeah so that was my morning thought.

love ya! ill write again soon.
bye
~lynda-Elly-may~