I wanted to talk about myself and my marijuana use. I've been doing it for like, idk, half a year now? I'm honestly amazed that I didn't get into it a lot sooner in life as it would have helped me, immensely. Thing is, I just never thought to try it back in the day. There have been a few times where I've occasionally tried it via smoking but I didn't enjoy it.
My history with pot
For one, I can only remember inhaling it once when I lived with my ex 16+ years ago. I use to think the bit we smoked was laced with something but it's possible it wasn't and it was just a bit much for us at the time. I say us because my ex and I both didn't have a pleasant experience. He for one was heavily hallucinating and thought someone in his family was some kind of monster and he pushed a baby walker towards them. Ofc no one was hurt but his parents stripped him down and threw his a** into a cold shower lol.
I on the other hand didn't see anything crazy but I felt like a floating head and thought my voice sounded deeper and I was laughing when I didn't want to which made me feel irritated. Lol yeah, it was some pot we got from his sister's husband and I vaguely do remember hearing that it was in fact laced with something else. Perhaps acid.
But yeah that was a very long time ago and the stuff I do now isn't like that. So aside from that, I never thought about it again until recent times and would only drink alcohol to take the edge off. I also was put off because I heard that pot can trigger an especially bad trip when you have schizophrenia, ptsd among other issues that I have. On the other hand, I also heard that it can help treat things like ptsd as well. That being said, back then I never wanted to risk it because I've already been use to having bad trips on my own from having ptsd and from having been living in a not safe environment.
So those are my reasons why I never got into it. I was never against it either of course. I never considered stoners to be degenerate and unhealthy like I do with other kinds of illegal drug usage. I'd never condone things like meth and never want to associate with people that use it or advocate for it. I've seen it literally destroy lives and I know well what things like that can do. I do feel for addicts though and wish they will get the help they need because I straight understand addiction very well. I just can't let myself associate with anything toxic.
What got me into it
The way I got into it was from my partner, A. He'd been doing edibles for a while and then one day I decided I'd like to try some for the hell of it. I did, and I was instantly into it lol. Now, I don't remember what my first high in recent times was like but for the majority of my time, I was taking edibles of the Sativa strain. I realized that I can't take too high of a dose because 1, I don't like the feeling of being too high and 2, it made my blood pressure rise to a concerning level.
Obviously since I'm newer to it, I just been taking lose doses. The most I've taken was 25mg which was def too much. Now after I've been doing it for a while, my tolerance has gone up and usually will do 10 to 20mg. When you start out with these, I do recommend doing 5mg and just see how it effects you.
I also do not recommend doing straight Sativa if you have things like ptsd and other major mental stressors because you can get triggered easily. Perhaps it's not the same for everyone but from what I've heard and from my own experience, Sativa can feel more like a violent high which isn't always pleasant. Sure you can still get the euphoria from it but like in my case, ptsd and bad memories were easily recalled.
For example, one time while high on straight Sativa, I was watching my partner D game and the slightest thing I saw in his game reminded me of details from one of my past traumatic memories. Basically what was recalled was a unique farm type that was there in the place where the event happened. If you're unfamiliar with how the mind works with traumatic memories it's as follows.
When you're in a moment of something traumatic happening, your brain keeps a log of everything that surrounded you from sights, feelings and even smells. Now mundane things like random details are often not on your conscious mind, but are stored in your subconscious. When you see something that reminds you of something that's been stored there as such, it will be triggering to recall and thus is how you get traumatic memories or flashbacks.
Regardless of the negative side effects straight Sativa had on me, I chose to keep taking it because I liked the positive effects I did get from it. One being the euphoria, and two, being the 3rd eye opening. 3rd eye opening is when you feel in tune with the other side or rather, the spiritual/supernatural. I'm someone who that stuff is incredibly important to. Honestly, that's a subject I rarely get into with anyone for various reasons but since it's relevant, I wanted to put it out there nonetheless.
How's Ralo while High?
As a stoner, I space out a lot and just want to be in my own little world. It does make me pretty out of it to where I even slur my words. I do get kind of dumb stoner vibe going on and can often even comically sound like your stero-typical stoner. "Like brah, wooooaaah man." "Do you ever just like, think of our place in the universe?" s**t like that lol or whatever else weird spacey thing I might say. I get really connected feeling, to everything. A sense of Oneness is def a common occurrence in stoners lol.
It does make me instantly forget things too which is concerning but honestly, ******** it, not much I can do about that. So long as I don't feel like that while sober, then I'm not too concerned.
I also feel like things last longer while stoned. 20 minutes can feel like an hour 20 lol. It's not bad, it's just 'woooooaaaaah.' xD That's also what I've been calling my edibles since yesterday too lol. 'Time to take some 'wooooaaaahh.' 'Gonna get my 'woooaaaahhh' on.' Lmao I just like to have fun with it and can for sure be goofy and can easily die laughing at the stupidest s**t lmao. The Simpsons was totally made for stoners and possibly by them lol. Just watch it while high, it's great. So many good things to watch while high. Just have fun with it.
But yeah I'm mostly chill as a stoner but mostly want to keep to myself. I just get a little paranoid with how out of it I feel. I kind of can't stop myself completely from high posting but I def will get off once I feel too out of it. Lastly and shamefully, I can be a bit of an a** while high. I don't meant to tho! D: My thing is, I'm a very blunt person as is and while high, I just have ZERO filter. For example I said to D once that his couch was a piece of crap cuz it's a little banged up. Like totally uncalled for and I really don't mean to be an insensitive d**k. Sigh, it is what it is though and it's not like I get abusive or anything, I just say stuff as I see it heh.
Me and pot today
Maybe over a week ago when A and I replenished our stash, I was advised to try a hybrid blend by one of the clerks at the dispensary after I told him what I'm looking for and about my bad experiences with Sativa. He recommended a THC/CBG mix which I went for and it's been amazing. I get all the positive effects with little to none of the negative!!! I'm so happy I found what works best for me. I'd also recommend this to anyone who has similar mental health issues!
At first I was considering trying Indica or even an Indica/Sativa hybrid. Now bear 🐻 with me as I'm still learning but I was thinking that maybe Indica/Sativa is the same thing as THC/CBG but I don't think it is. I'm not even sure if there are Indica/Sativa mixes but I digress. I've been informed that Indica is more so to just help relax you to help you sleep. That I'm not interested in because I don't need it and isn't what I'm wanting. I got what I want and need from the mix I'm on now.
How it's actually helped me
I'm mostly going to be speaking about the recent hybrid blend I've been taking because this is absolutely what's helped me the most. It's really been helping me with my depression to the point where I don't often feel it. For example, currently, my partner D and I are on some very hard times, mostly him but it still effects me greatly. It's so bad that it's caused me incredibly, debilitating depression to where I feel like I can't even function.
Since I've been partaking daily though, it's been helping me through it. I've actually been able to be content through most of this. I know that might sound a little selfish of me perhaps? I don't think so but part of me does struggle with guilt issues so part of me does feel a little bad. Thing is though, when one of my partners isn't okay, I'm not okay either. Anyways, things should work out with what's going on soon enough but still.
Another thing it's helped with is the fact that it made my nightly ptsd nightmares go away! That's absolutely incredible! I've suffered with those for years nearly every night, but now they're mostly gone. I couldn't be happier or more amazed with that.
How much do I partake?
It depends on where I'm at. As I've stated in my entry about my poly relationship, I live in two different places. Normally it's, I'm with D for one month, then with A the next. While I'm with D, I do it far less while there because while there I have more responsibilities and for personal reasons, just choose not to do it much there.
While with A, I do it often and sometimes daily especially if I'm being particularly stressed out about something like I am currently. It also helps me relax when my loud roommate is being obnoxious. Though when I feel really high I will just remove myself from his presence because when I'm high I often feel pretty out of it and uncomfortable around most people. It's pretty much something I mostly want to do by myself. Though I will occasionally still post online which high, hence all my high posts.
Addressing people's concerns
It was brought to my attention that some people find my high posting offputting. I can understand that because without knowing I'm just doing weed edibles, it could sound degenerate. I honestly didn't take that into consideration until recently and is why I wanted to write about all this.
I absolutely understand when some people might not be comfortable around stoners or alcoholics. There's many cases of bad experiences and people being degenerate. I don't want to be around that either and I too have known of unhinged stoners. It's like everything though, there's always going to be those who abuse it and give it a bad look to others.
Now, I'm not going to tell anyone to 'just tolerate it bro' because that'd be out of line. If someone is uncomfortable with either thing, then they don't need to be around it. I get it, but just know that stoners who are responsible like me, we're not bad, we just need things like this to help mellow us out due to so much insane amount of bs we have in our lives. It's a vice, like many a thing. So long as people are being responsible, I see absolutely no issue with it. All I'd ask is for someone to simply understand what it's all really about.
But yes, if you're uncomfortable with me still, then feel free to block honestly. I mean no harm and I'm just trying to live my life as best as I can with what little I have to work with. And honestly, I'm very grateful for all I have, including weed lol. It's been life changing for the better. Kind of want to say 'where have you been my whole life?' lol but yeah, that'd be pretty much void n null as I already explained my history with it.
Words of advice
I don't just do this for fun. I take this for very serious reasons. No it's not prescribed to me but my Drs and mental health processionals are aware that I partake and I heavily advise you let yours be aware too if you do as well because it's relevant for them to know so they can properly help you and work with what you have going on. For the most part, I don't think it will change much other than how you feel but it's still important to be honest when it comes to your personal care.
Granted, I have done it when I'm bored because I don't have anything else to keep myself relaxed and occupied but I don't think it's a bad thing. So long as we're responsible and know to only do it when we don't have anything else we need to be responsible for. For example, I don't partake until all my daily chores and responsibilities are taken care of.
Another thing I'd like to note is that I'd never recommend doing this when there are children present. If feel like that's incredibly irresponsible and disrespectful. I will never do it when I need to be there for any kid. But perhaps it depends on how you are on it honestly. If you get loopy, ditzy, and heavily out of it, then no, don't do it around children. But if you're very high functioning on it and need it for health reasons, then that's understandable. Basically, like what I just said, just use it responsibly and there should be no issue.
Also be sure you are in a safe space when you choose to partake. If you've never done it and are interested in trying it which I'd pretty much recommend for anyone mind you, do it some where safe. Be at home or with a friend. When you feel it start to take effect, watch something pleasant or funny. Listen to music and trip out on how good it is and just gently ride the high.
Listening to music and playing Minecraft is some of my favorite things to do while high. I've also made a bunch of funny content while high too. For sure be in a pleasant space and mindset when partaking. For me, at least when I was just straight on Sativa, I got freaked out easily and absolutely can't handle any negative topics. While on the blend I'm on now, the bad feelings and such feel heavily repressed.
Btw, if you like the avis I've posted in here, those are from my Ralo High collection lol. All these I've made while high and I love making avis while stoned.
