Today was quiet. It was comforting, but lonely. I miss the normality of a day.
Apparently my brother is playing messenger again, but he doesn't know what teh hell he's talking about D:
I guess, I've had a lot of time to think lately. It makes me feel petty, but I think I figured out my problem.
I let things get to me, because I drag things out so long, it seems like everything is wrong, but in actuality there aren't that many problems.
Part of it is my jealousy. I completely ignored it at first, and now it feels so much stronger because of that. I didn't even really know it existed at first I guess. But someone says something about him possibly wanting to spend his birthday with her or wants me to dump him so that he can go with her, and then I get suddenly defensive.
The other thing that bothers me I guess, is probably the lack of a relationship feeling at times. I like joking around and goofing off, fighting, but every once in a while I think it would be nice to maybe flirt or have one of our happy conversations feeling less....abusive? Of course, I like joking around like that, It's just that I get tired of even play fighting very quickly. I hate controversy.
Oh, and I'd be lying if the replies EVERYONE has been giving me lately haven't had me pulling a few hairs too. It seems like the reply is always "Ok" "Ok?" "Okay?" "That's nice" "Cool" "Coolio" "Whatever" oh, and the new addition, the shortened "W/e". I mean EVERYONE has been replying liek that and it's getting old. Jem doesn't even reply like a normal person anymore. I mean, I thrive on long, drawn out, continuous, even if crazy conversations. All of the other replies get on my nerves because they're so unresponsive. Kind of like "That's nice, I don't care, get out of my face.".
Oh well, hopefully venting in this journal is helping me think things through. XP
Love,
Alex~
((PS: Applications for best friend up. xD, Just kidding. *lonely*))
Apparently my brother is playing messenger again, but he doesn't know what teh hell he's talking about D:
I guess, I've had a lot of time to think lately. It makes me feel petty, but I think I figured out my problem.
I let things get to me, because I drag things out so long, it seems like everything is wrong, but in actuality there aren't that many problems.
Part of it is my jealousy. I completely ignored it at first, and now it feels so much stronger because of that. I didn't even really know it existed at first I guess. But someone says something about him possibly wanting to spend his birthday with her or wants me to dump him so that he can go with her, and then I get suddenly defensive.
The other thing that bothers me I guess, is probably the lack of a relationship feeling at times. I like joking around and goofing off, fighting, but every once in a while I think it would be nice to maybe flirt or have one of our happy conversations feeling less....abusive? Of course, I like joking around like that, It's just that I get tired of even play fighting very quickly. I hate controversy.
Oh, and I'd be lying if the replies EVERYONE has been giving me lately haven't had me pulling a few hairs too. It seems like the reply is always "Ok" "Ok?" "Okay?" "That's nice" "Cool" "Coolio" "Whatever" oh, and the new addition, the shortened "W/e". I mean EVERYONE has been replying liek that and it's getting old. Jem doesn't even reply like a normal person anymore. I mean, I thrive on long, drawn out, continuous, even if crazy conversations. All of the other replies get on my nerves because they're so unresponsive. Kind of like "That's nice, I don't care, get out of my face.".
Oh well, hopefully venting in this journal is helping me think things through. XP
Love,
Alex~
((PS: Applications for best friend up. xD, Just kidding. *lonely*))
