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"Figure it out yourself," is possibly one of the hardest things to hear for a overemotional, ex-harmer. That's all we've been doing, just look at the scars.

Trying to figure out what you need to figure out is where you would think you need to start. Then you get frustrated with yourself because it's not just what you think you need figure out. But how it conflicts with your emotions and logics.

And then you think, you just need to talk to someone. Get it off your chest, sort it out with another human being. And it's especially hard when you go through your contact list, and can't click a single person. Because you know they've got better things to do, you don't want to bother them. No matter how many times they tell you doesn't wipe the years of saying you're just a burden. And you go online to see if you can call a hotline so you can just speak freely.

 But you can't because you don't know what to say. And you're back at square one. And all you want is someone to understand without feeling like you have to validate the way you feel and think is right. Because it's already hard not second guessing yourself everyday.

I just need a long walk.