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is this a dream or a memory?
If I asked
If I asked you to kill me,
would you?
If I felt I needed to die,
would you care?
If I needed a shoulder to lean on,
would you lend it?
If I wanted a friend,
would you dare?
If you asked me to kill you,
I would.
If you felt you needed to die,
I'd care.
If you needed a shoulder to lean on,
I'd lend it.
If you wanted a friend,
I'd be there.
If you think you killed me,
don't dispair.
If I needed to die,
don't fear.
When I need a shoulder to lean on,
you don't have to lend it.
When I need a friend,
you don't have to be there.
If I killed you,
I would be sorry.
If you needed to die,
it would drive me insane.
When you need a shoulder to lean on,
I'll stand beside you.
When you need a friend,
I'll take away all your pain.
No matter the time,
I'll still love you.
No matter the cost,
I'll still pay.
No matter the pain,
I'll continue.
All I want is to hear,
"please stay."


You know what really annoys me, if you don't, I'll tell you. Yesterday I was wandering around town with some friends, being stupid, doind the time warp, s**t like that. We stopped when we got to the graveyard and we decided to take a break. We were all just chillin' and talking and s**t, it was a fairly warm day so I took off my jacket revealing the scars on my arms. I'm really not proud of them, and I wasn't trying to show off, I was just trying to maintain a comfortable body temperature. Anyways, we were just hanging out and then someone noticed my scars and they were all like "did you get attacked by your cat?" and I simply said no, but they continued to push the question, so I fianlly gave up and told them that I had tried to kill myself. As soon as I told them that, everyone moved away from me and kept giving me funny looks.
this wouldn't have annoyed me so much if it wasn't for the fact that they began to exclude me, which is the reason I started cutting in the first place. I don't know why, but now people are afraid of me because of some bad choices I made, now I am back at the begining, trying to find friends that can look past all that. Before I was too different to hang out with, and now I am too different to hang out with, sometimes I wonder why I even bother.


vardamacariel
Community Member
  • [10/10/05 02:48pm]
  • [10/04/05 11:34pm]
  • [09/19/05 10:47pm]
  • [09/04/05 05:35pm]
  • [09/02/05 10:26pm]
  • [08/30/05 02:57am]
  • [08/26/05 04:13pm]
  • [08/15/05 10:11pm]
  • [07/20/05 06:02am]
  • [07/12/05 02:12am]


  • User Comments: [5]
    I would hang out with you if I lived near you!

    comment .Electro-Zombie. · Community Member · Tue Apr 05, 2005 @ 09:21pm
    Hey, long time no talk. Today Erin and I were talking and the conversation turned to you. She was telling about some pictures she saw of you and now I wanna see! She told me you look really pretty, so maybe that will make you feel a bit better. No matter what, don't change who you are, those pricks can go ******** themselves if they can't deal with something that happened a while ago. But who knows maybe it'll just blow over. I'd like to catch up with you sometime about everything in your life. I could call you one day or we can IM. But besides all that, I really want you mailing address. ^^

    comment Mecha Tama-Chan · Community Member · Wed Apr 06, 2005 @ 04:45am
    God, man. Your friends are being closed minded, very much so. God if that can't except that then they don't deserve you, but for your sake I hope they come around.

    comment Akutenchi · Community Member · Thu Apr 07, 2005 @ 12:21am
    I hope so as well. And I too want to see pics!

    comment .Electro-Zombie. · Community Member · Thu Apr 07, 2005 @ 06:23am
    Bj
    It's me kate, whats going on?
    Yes by showing the scars that kinda freaks ppl out but also did you tell them that was a long time ago and the reason why? People don't know how to react to something like that and generally they act the way your friends did...I know that am not always online and not the best person to talk to but you know I care and I want to help. I have known for two years now and I didn't stop helping you then and I won't stop now. I am here for you and you know you can always talk to me about whatever you want no matter how hard. Its better to let it out and I am glad you are writing and doing that. Which friends were they? Do you need me to come up? I am closer that before it would only take me 6 days... But also you know I can't do anything until I am out of school. why don't you write me an email and talk to me. Haven't heard from you in a while and I hope your not still mad at me. TTyl.

    comment Angel22000 · Community Member · Sun Apr 10, 2005 @ 12:01am
    User Comments: [5]

     
     
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