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I hear the sound of bars opening and closing. I’m trying to sleep. I like sleeping—it makes this hell so much more bearable. It’s almost as if I’m trying to sleep the time away. That won’t happen though. It won’t happen because I don’t trust him. I don’t believe that he won’t do it again. No matter how many times he looks at me as though I am a broken child and tries to comfort me I will never have faith in him. His word means absolutely nothing to me.
“Age?” Kai nudges me lightly and I don’t want to open my eyes but I shouldn’t ignore him.
“Yeah?” I manage to answer with my eyes closed and the discomfort hidden in my voice. There is one bad thing about sleeping—dreaming. Lately all my dreams have been either about him or Delacroix. It always ends up being the same regardless of who it is. Sometimes they are both there, raping me and laughing wildly at the blood that stains my skin. But I pretend to ignore. I have to. Delacroix doesn’t know how he affected me and Kai will never find out what happened.
“Your arm is bleeding again.”
I touch the skin of my wound and feel the wetness. Ever since Delacroix bit me it’s been looking better but it bleeds more often, rejecting the infection that keeps trying to claim it. Damn it I hate him. First he says that his intentions were to give me pleasure and then he attacks me and after he treats me as kind as a lover would. Even after that he acts like he’s god and tries to help me. That b*****d ruined my life and soon I’ll end his.
One week earlier…
I am alone. The room is dark and so very quiet. Seven days have passed since then and I can still feel my blood running out of my body. It has been wiped away but the presence is known. They have pretended like it never happened. Delacroix just smiled sweetly and looked at his mess. He cleaned without a word and then held me in his arms as if to help me understand. It didn’t make it any better. His after-kindness didn’t make it go away, didn’t erase what had been done. It only brought it back. He had done the same as well. After leaving me tied in that room for days he had come back and acted as though I had done it to myself. What an a**… But it wasn’t imagined and I didn’t self inflict—I was raped. I was hated for no reason.
A knock at the door catches my attention but I don’t look. It’s not Kai, I know. So it has to be Delacroix. He’s been checking up on me a lot lately. Since that night my arm has gotten worse. The skin refuses to heal and is turning black. It might be infected but I can’t go to a hospital. By now there must be a warrant for my death or capture. So he’s been trying. The door opens and I see that I’m right. I don’t look at him and continue to stare at the ceiling. I haven’t spoken a word to anyone in a week. I refuse to eat and barely drink. My mind is so far gone that I don’t notice the hunger of my body or the pain in my limbs from the constant tensing of my muscles. But somehow I’m still alive. Not for long though.
“You still won’t eat?” Delacroix walks to the bed and sits beside me. He looks at me with a sad smile. I hate him so much. But to him it’s just a game. Softly he runs a hand down my cheek and tucks some hair behind my ear. I’ve been lying in the same position all this time and I refuse to move or react. “Age, what’s the matter with you? Talk damn it!”
Such is his worry. Pathetic. He sounds like a close friend of mine. I don’t have any friends. But of course he’s concerned—if I don’t get better he’ll never be able to kill me.
“Why won’t you say anything? Do you want me to apologize? Is that it? Then I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry for what I did. Just talk to me.” His eyes aren’t their murderous stare. They almost appear sincere and filled with sorrow. I don’t care. I never forgave him when he apologized so why would I forgive Delacroix? The bounty hunter turns his head down and hair falls over his face. He stays like that for a while and I wonder if he’ll ever go away. Then something wet falls onto my arm. I hear him sniffle and wipe at his eyes. Is he crying? “Age…”
Delacroix turns up to look at me and his eyes are glistening with tears. Tears are streaking his face, caressing his cheeks, and sliding down onto me. Does he care that much? My eyes are still hollow and lifeless but I finally turn to look at him. He’s surprised to see the lack of radiance and fire that no longer burn in me. I part my lips slightly as if to say something but I never do. I just stare at him trying my best to understand how hatred can make you cry like pain. Not even noticing the hurt that moving brings, I reach up and scrape finger nails lightly on his face. He grabs my hand and holds it to his face, tears sliding on my fingers. He’s holding on as if I’ll never look at him again if he lets go. He really is sorry. But sorry doesn’t make the dream go away—the dream that I’ve been having nonstop while I’m awake and asleep. I pull my hand away and sit up, to see him eye level. How depressing. He looks like he’s ready to break down and ball like a child. And I’m trying my best to understand this anguish.
“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t you dare look at me like that with those empty eyes. Hate me, Age! Insult me like you used to. Yell at me and look at me as though you want to kill me. Look at me with anything other than that lifeless stare.”
Hate him? I do. I always have. And now even more than ever. But I can’t bring myself to forget. I can’t chase the fear away with hate. I can’t stop from screaming in my mind every time he comes near me. And lifeless…? Yeah, that’s what it is. Can I change that? Slowly I reach out and grab his head and pull him towards me. He lets me and buries his face in my chest and just cries. Delacroix’s arms circle my waist and he holds me tightly. I just put my nose to his hair and sit there playing with his hair. I’ve stiffened out of reaction. I’m not used to people touching me, not even my brother.
Delacroix’s voice is muffled from my clothes and his crying but I can still hear him. “Say something, please. Anything.”
Say something? I reflect on that a moment. He wants me to talk to him so badly. He must feel sorry and regretful. But how am I supposed to feel? Even if I talk and forgive that won’t stop my mind from hating me for it. “Alright.” My voice is so quiet.
He jerks his head up and looks at me as though he can’t believe that I just spoke in a human tongue. “What?”
I want to look away. I’ve always hated looking into his eyes, his gorgeous eyes. But I don’t. I just stare. He appears so beautiful with tears falling down his face—who’d have thought he was a killer. Yet as much emotion as he’s showing I still don’t have my own. “Alright,” my silent speaking continues, “but you have to fix it. You have to make it go away.”
“Make what go away?” He releases my waist and takes hold of my shoulders. His face comes so close to mine as he stares me in the eyes.
“The pain.” He doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He thinks that I’m referring to what he did to me physically, but I’m not. I want him to take away the images in my head. It’s a dumb request because no one can do that but I feel so helpless now. I’ll ask anything of someone if they can just make me feel alive again.
Violet eyes continue to stare into mine. They appear so defeated to me. “If that’s what you want. I’ll make it go away.” He pushes me back down on the bed and climbs on top of me. I flinch and look away, closing my eyes. I’m scared of having him on me. What does he think he’s doing anyway? I want to ask, I want to tell him to stop but I can’t. My voice is lost like the first time, fear gripping my voice box. Why is he doing it again—something that started it all? Does he really believe that this will make it go away? That two wrongs cancel each other out? Why…?
“Look at me, Age.” His voice is soft and free of malice but that doesn’t mean he isn’t hiding it. “I won’t…” he begins but trails off.
Hesitating, I slowly turn and look at him, tears still sparkling in his eyes though they have stopped flowing. His face holds such conviction that it relaxes me some. But I still look scared.
“…hurt you.” My eyes started to water and he leans down to lick the tears away. I don’t want to believe it. He doesn’t change—that’s why I hate him! “Forgive me,” he whispers into my ear. I feel the hot breath and it makes my skin crawl and my hairs stand on end.
I close my eyes tightly and whimper, struggling underneath his weight. He isn’t holding my arms or pinning my legs this time. He wants me to have my freedom but I don’t have the strength to get him off. I feel fear grasping at me and I start to panic. What’s going to happen? Will he rape me again? Why? He’s already won, why do this…? I don’t want it. I don’t want this! My eyes shoot open and I start crying out loud. Uninterrupted tears fall and I struggle more, frantically wailing about. Delacroix isn’t moving, I can only hear his slight breathing, but I’m so afraid.
Suddenly my mind is silenced as a pair of lips meet mine. Violet eyes are staring straight into mine and I don’t see the abhorrence there anymore. I’ve stopped struggling, my body stilled. All I feel is the warmth of his contact. It’s not a hungry motion or even a lustful one. All it is is kind and sad. But I don’t respond to the kiss. He doesn’t give up though. Delacroix continues to kiss me for a moment, and I continue to stare—all my fear gone. I’m empty again. My eyes that never came back are still hallow and my scared features are still surprised but relaxed. Why do I feel cared for? He pulls back and my body is almost missing the absence of his warmth. Sitting up, he smiles warmly at me. Delacroix is straddling me but I don’t feel the need to push him away—he’s just sitting and watching. Why?
“Don’t…look at me like that.” He reaches down and starts unbuttoning the blouse that I’m wearing, from the bottom up. I don’t stop him and just watch. He’s being so kind that I almost want to react. But I don’t. When he undoes the final button he pushes it open, running his hands across my chest and shoulders at the same time, and for the first time actually looks at my body. He watches my chest as it rises and falls with my breathing. Violet eyes scan my muscles that shape me and the way my structure curves nicely.
I gasp involuntarily as his hands slide down my stomach and to the hem of my pants. There his fingers hook and just stop. I’m not sure whether to be scared or not. Tears are slowly making their way down my cheeks and to the pillow under me. Why do I cry so much? I’m not a child but a trained killer and yet I can’t help feeling like I’m being robbed of such sweet privilege as to cry. We were taught that weakness would end us and that crying was not tolerated. But I’m here now, weeping under the man that causes it. And at the same time wishing for him to make it go away, to comfort and console me—I want his divinity to cure my fear. How can I be so stupid as to want the source to be the remedy? Maybe I have grown that weak in these last few moments of terror. But I don’t believe that will stop me from wanting to be rescued.
“I won’t,” Delacroix whispers and leans down to nibble at my neck. Won’t? Won’t what?
I shiver under his attempts. They’re not scared shivers as much as they are shivers of sensation. But what kind of sensation? Pleasure or discomfort? I can’t tell anymore. “Please…”
He stops and watches the tears roll down my face with a certain sense of understanding that makes his eyes glisten with kindness. His hands move away from my pants and come to rest on my chest. There they just sit and play little circles on my collar bones and trace lines on my pecks. His fingers are soft and they don’t look like they could hold weapons and break bones. How strange that people change when they are rendered armless. Delacroix’s hot breath is cascading my face and it causes a tingling of goose bumps. I feel that my body wants to react to his own form but I just don’t allow it. Should I? He moves off of me and instead lies beside me. I feel relaxed at once when his body is no longer restraining mine. Strong arms wrap around me and pull me towards his chest. My back is pressed up against him and I can hear his heart beating through my skin. It’s a slow steady rhythm that reflects his calm, non-threatening demeanor. One of his hands slowly creeps down my body and back to the hem of pants. This time, without hesitation, he reaches under and grasps my member. I jump in slight surprise and whimper involuntarily at the sudden images that flood my mind. There he is again—inside my head with that ugly smile and venomous stare. I start to struggle and then the hand is gone but the images remain. Horrible grasping and scratching that tears my arms and rakes down my sides makes me bleed again in the confinement of my mind. Why won’t it leave me alone?
“Hey,” he shakes me lightly and then turns me to face him. Delacroix sees the fear in my eyes and leans down to whisper in my ear. “Age, don’t do this again. I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t let you go again. Come back to me.” He hugs me tightly to his chest and starts crying with me. He’s making the face go away. For every tear that the bounty hunter sheds the farther the shadow moves away. He’s compelled by the sadness or might it be the kindness? After a while I’m silence and so is Delacroix. He actually did it. He chased away my fear. He doesn’t let go of me though. We lay there, me entangled in his arms and him staring to see if my eyes will ever return. They do eventually, after some time, and then I start to notice the world around me again.
“Where’s Kai?”
Delacroix almost seems startled by the question, as if I should know.
“Where is he?”
Violet eyes turned away and then turned back towards me again. He forces a smile to hide something and then sits up. “He’s with Sayre. They’ve been going out a lot to keep Kai distracted so that he wouldn’t see you like this. Don’t worry, he’s still a virgin.”
I sit up as well and glare at him. He seems satisfied now that my eyes have hate in them again. All trace of fear is gone from my face and my voice is still soft but sterner and less frightened. “You’re lying. Where is he?”
“I told you,” he grins kindly at me and runs a finger down my cheek, “he’s with Sayre.”
I bite the digit as it runs by my mouth. A slight chuckle escapes me at his childish yelp. “Get out.” I kick him off the bed and watch him fall on his a**.
Delacroix stands and flips me off before sticking out his hip and placing his hands on his hips. “You are such an ungrateful b*****d. I spent all this time worrying about you and already you’re being a d**k.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted? I distinctly remember you telling me to hate you.”
A smile cracks his face and he leans on the bed and embraces me. “Yeah, I did. I’m glad that you’re yourself again. That victim look doesn’t suite you.”
“Thanks,” I mumble before kindly pushing him away so that I can stand.
A loud crash in the other room causes us both to jerk our heads towards the direction of the door. Glass is breaking and wood is snapping and somewhere in the back of my mind I know that this is not an accident. I feel a sense of betrayal and I’m not sure why. “What is this?”
“I don’t know. Sayre and Kai aren’t even here right now. Stay put, Age. With your arm you’re no use to me.” Delacroix grabs a gun that was tucked into the hem of his pants and slowly walks towards the closed door. The crashing noises are getting louder and footsteps are thundering towards us. Carefully, the bounty hunter reaches the door and cocks his gun. He is about to reach for the door knob when the slab of wood is kicked open and off its hinges. Delacroix quickly reacts and points his gun at the first figure he sees and fires. A direct hit is indicated by a splattering sound and the groan of death.
There was never a point in which I knew Delacroix that I ever believed he was weak or a bad aim. It just wasn’t true. He was an a*****e who could shoot better than most people, but not me. I’m the best shot in the whole country and not a damn person will ever outdo me. But it wasn’t like Delacroix missed, more that he just wasn’t shooting fast enough. After the first kill he fired two rounds: one that killed someone else and one that just grazed a shoulder. Before he had time to do anything else one of the men who had been destroying the house kicks away Delacroix’s gun and elbows him in the face, knocking him off balance and to the ground. Violet eyes look on in anger as he spits out a mouthful of blood. The bounty hunter is about to stand up but then the barrel of a gun is shoved under his chin, one of the men squatting over him to make sure that Delacroix doesn’t move.
Aside from the two men that Delacroix had killed four additional men step into the room, pointing guns at me but not really seeing me as a threat. They are wearing all black and looked like members of the S.W.A.T. team. But why would they be? I have no problems with the law so why would they be here, and how? Sure enough Delacroix is probably wanted for quite a few things but how did they find us? He isn’t dumb enough to live in an obvious place. That would have to mean that someone told…
“You seem surprised, Age.”
My eyes had been dashing from all the men to Delacroix but now are directed towards the broken door where the voice had come from.
“You?!” Delacroix yells from his position on the ground.
“Yeah, me.” My eyes narrow as Sayre steps through the door with an amused grin on his face. “Pity you had to get involved with him, Delacroix.”
Involved with me? What is that supposed to mean? It’s not as if I’m wanted for anything. Hell, I work for the government!
“What are you talking about?” Delacroix asks.
“Well,” Sayre strides over to me with such a joyous jump in his step that I feet like kicking him in the nuts just to stop his snickering. He places a hand on my shoulder and pushes me onto the bed so that I am sitting. I don’t fight it—don’t have the strength to. “Age here has been convicted of murder, illegal murder. Three months ago,” he begins; his eyes no longer amused but serious, “you were ordered to assassinate the prime minister of Scandinavia. But you were dooped. The one you killed was his representative.”
“How am I at fault for that? If I killed the wrong person then it’s because intelligence was wrong. I’m not liable for their mistakes.” Stupid Sayre. Regardless of who he is he obviously understands the procedures and consequences. But under the pretense of false information I’m not held accountable for any mistakes. But who is Sayre? In order to know this and even have jurisdiction in a government official arrest then he would have to be a higher-up. But who? I know all of my superiors. It’s true that my superiors pass me around to who ever pays the largest sum but I always inquire at to who my client is.
“There might be some truth to that but I’m sure that we can make some dirt to put on your boots. Someone wants you gone, Age. My job is to do that.”
A superior wants me gone? I’ve always been a loyal dog and now they want to pull the plug. I wonder who… “So, are they scared that I’m too good? You know how it goes—when the weapon becomes too powerful it’s locked away.”
“You’re right.” Sayre grins at me and then reaches behind his back and pulls out his gun, the b*****d gun that shot me. “Looks like you haven’t had much time to heal. You know, when an animal is wounded it’s customary to shoot it,” he says, pointing the barrel at me.
“You already shot me.” I want so much to yell at him and rip out his eyes only to squeeze the juices out and then feed them to him.
“Well, that’s just a shame.” He moves the gun slightly over, away from its target at my chest, towards my almost immobile arm. I want to believe that he won’t do what I think he’s going to do, but at this point I would be happy if he just said this was a joke. However sweet it would have been, my hopes were not founded because God was conspiring against me. Before my mind went blank with pain I remember hearing his gun again. It was a weapon so distinguished by its song that thunder could not have hoped to challenge it. But after the noise there was the feel of yet another bullet ripping away at my injured arm at point blank.
And here we are now, in our filthy cell with Delacroix lying back against the wall, just relaxing, Kai changing my bandages, and me biting back the urge to scream. How has everything gone wrong? I’m not sure that looking back now I see how my world ended. How had our world ended? But knowing really that it wasn’t Delacroix’s fault but mine, I still blame him. He had led Sayre right to me. That’s how it ended.
“Done,” Kai says. He’s grown so weak in our time here. His skin is dead white and his weight has dropped so unnaturally. More often than not, he doesn’t even want to be touched. He whimpers from some kind of pain in his sleep but never says anything about it. But mostly it seems as though he fears his own skin. When we first got thrown in here, almost all of his body was covered in bandages or clothes. It was something he used to do before and I never thought anything about it since bandages serve as clothing or accessories, not just bonding for injuries. Yet now I am actually beginning to wonder. “Age?” Kai looks at me and gives me a worried stare.
I look at him without answering. I must look confused because he has to continue.
“Will you have to lose your arm if we don’t escape soon?”
Is that what he wants to know? Kai is someone who is concerned with the world. But he spoke as though he wanted to say more. “Don’t worry. It’s not as bad as it looks. Hell, I can still feel it. But if I end up losing it, it won’t matter too much. I’m not dependent on one arm, Kai.” I give him a kind smile which he returns. His gives him away, nonetheless.
“Maybe you should just come out and tell him.” Delacroix rocks his leg back and forth with his eyes closed as he speaks.
Was he talking to Kai? Does that mean that he told Delacroix what’s bothering him before telling me? Couldn’t be. So Delacroix must be making it up, p***k. But Kai isn’t saying anything. He’s looking at the ground to try to keep quiet.
“If you won’t then I should?” Violet eyes open and stare at my brother. Right now there is a certain amount of hatred that I hold against the bounty hunter just for putting Kai in such a position. But if I have to accept that some pressure will get my brother to talk then I won’t be too angry.
I look from Delacroix to Kai and see how my brother shakes his head no. So then he will tell me? “No, it doesn’t have to come out yet.” His voice is so defeated I can’t help but hold back the tears.
“Don’t be stupid, kid. “ Delacroix pushes himself off the wall and into a hunched sitting position. He gives an annoyed look and then sighs. “What will you achieve by keeping quiet? You want him to be clueless when one day he doesn’t see you come back?” Doesn’t come back—since being here, every day Sayre has come by and taken Kai for what he calls a “walk”. He’s usually gone for about an hour and then comes back. That d**k Sayre has assured me that my brother is not being assaulted—sexually or mentally—or being used against his will. Sayre had never done anything before so I do believe him after the first time that Kai let me check his body. But it honestly confuses me as to why Kai is even here. Sayre is taken by him, treating him like a brother, but yet is not releasing him. Since he is a government dog he shouldn’t be allowed to keep my brother in here.
“Kai, why does Sayre come for you every day?” I reach out and try to grab his arm. Quickly he jerks away his arm as though he’s afraid of my touch.
He can’t look me in the eye as he starts to speak. “He takes me to the hospital for a check up.”
“A check up?” Is he sick?
“Age, I don’t want you to worry when I’m gone.”
“What are you talking about?” Now he’s starting to scare me. What does he mean when he’s gone? He makes it sound like he’s going to die…
“I’m not going to be here much longer. No one ever told you and I never let you find out, but I’m dieing, Age.” Tears begin rolling down his face and he looks to Delacroix.
Dieing? But how? He’s not sick or injured. He certainly hasn’t been poisoned. But now I look to Delacroix as well. “You knew?”
“Yeah.” He just replies so calmly it’s aggravating “When you first got shot he asked us for help because he was in pain and didn’t want to alarm you. Up to this point, he’s continued a treatment that started then. But the doctors say that there is nothing that can be done. It’s too far along the last stage that it can’t be stopped. Kai is going to die. We don’t know how long he has but he just seems to be getting worse. All that can be done at this point is take him for check ups to relieve some of the pain and discomfort. Sayre cares enough to keep paying for his visits to the hospital. And he is kind enough to give whatever time your brother has left to you by locking him up with us.”
‘It’s too far along?’ What the hell is “it”? The tears do not relent as I’m listening to him. My brother is going to die? I wasn’t getting angry, I was getting scared. My eyes are burning and beginning to blur. I don’t want to cry but they just don’t seem to be making sense. “What is wrong with my brother?!” I’m choking on the words that I’m trying to yell at Delacroix.
Kai lifts his head and looks at me. He appears so beautiful with streams falling down his face. “I have leprosy.”
My heart almost bursts out of my chest and screams for God’s divine righteousness. My Kai is a leper? How is it that I didn’t know? Surely if it was true then he was one of the luck ones whose face hadn’t been disfigured. But honestly, it sounded impossible. Leprosy was as common as polio—it just didn’t happen anymore.
“I was born a leper. Doctors say that I was lucky not to die in the womb. But all my life I’ve known that I would die young—soon as of now—and never once wished that I had died as a fetus.”
I understand why he never told me and how I didn’t notice. But now just hearing him say that he accepts it I break down crying. Kai crawls over to me and we cry together. I embrace him carefully, now conscious of the fact that his body is decomposing and fragile to anything. How am I supposed to accept that one day Kai just won’t be around anymore? Is it even fair to ask that? I don’t want to think about it. My brother is here now and that’s all that matters. That’s all that should matter. I wish I had known sooner though. I have plenty of memories of my brother but why should the last ones be of him in prison? I don’t remember how long we held each other for or even when we fell asleep, but I’m dreaming now. In my mind I see how Kai smiles and is happy. He’s so full of energy that I feel like a rock compared to him. But my dream doesn’t go on forever.
The next day he can’t even move. Kai looks barely alive on the ground. His eyes are open but he says that he can’t see anything. I sit beside him and hold his hand for comfort. But I’m not sure whether it’s for his comfort or mine. His skin is so cold as I touch his cheek. I can’t imagine the pain he feels but I’m sure that it’s much more than my arm.
“Age?” He speaks quietly—weakly—but smiles.
“Yeah?” I’ve been wanting to cry since I awoke to find him like this but I just can’t seem to.
“When we get out of here can we visit the old stadium?”
As children, before I was taken away from my family, we had gone to see a fencing tournament. It was an old stadium that was abandoned soon after that. Yet it was one of the only memories we had that were happy. For a long time I had been promising Kai that we would go but I had been procrastinating all this time. I was afraid that if I went back and remembered that all the pain would return. Now I wish I had taken him. “Of course. We’ll even camp out there and see what the stars look like from the roof.”
“Dad used to say that it’s so high you could reach up and grab a star. Is it true?” He’s so weak that I have to steady myself or I’ll end up breaking down.
“Well, we’ll find out together.”
“Will Delacroix and Sayre be there?”
He wants those two around? My dear sweet brother… “If you want—”
“We’ll even put on a fencing match for you.” I turn to see Delacroix walking over and settling in beside Kai. It is through my brother that we have all been tied together. I still hate him but at the same time am grateful that he’s helping. But what will happen when our tie dies?
“It’ll be better than the one we saw. Also we won’t kick you out for throwing things when you think we suck.”
“Silly, Brother. You and Delacroix could never suck at fighting. That’s all you do.” He squeezes my hand lightly before letting out a deep breath and closing his eyes to rest.
Kai slept most of the day and as usual Sayre came for him. When he saw how Kai was though he didn’t have the heart to take him away from me. “How’s he doing?”
I look at the man that has destroyed my arm and locked me up, wondering all the while how he could possibly care. I know the answer to that. It is the same reason that I care. Kai might be my brother by blood but I was hardened and stripped of emotion. Yet I found a way to care. I love my brother because he’s everything that I’m not. Kai is everything that Sayre and Delacroix aren’t. They want to protect such dead dreams that they believe caring for him will make them happy. And it has, just as it has with me. “He’s weak, but doesn’t seem to be in any pain. He wants you to come with us when we escape.”
“You won’t escape from here, Age. Delacroix has a good chance of getting out on good behavior but you are stuck in here until you die. And Kai won’t live much longer.” He states it so bluntly that I’m not sure he knows what that means to me.
“I will get out. When I do I’ll rip out your heart and show it to Kai!”
“You’re not a bad person, Age. If we had met under different circumstances I’m sure that we would have been good friends.”
“Just go. I want to spend time with my brother.” I’m tired of speaking to him. And I am tired of hearing excuses.
Sayre gives me a defeated nod and walks away.
“Hey, let him rest for a while.” Delacroix stands and pulls me away from Kai, dragging me to his side of the cell. I don’t fight or say anything. He is being careful not to hurt me and I am very grateful for it. Today my arm is better, I can even move it, but it is still was fresh. He sits down and pulls me up between his legs so that I am leaning on his chest. “You need to get some sleep yourself.”
“I’m not tired.” That’s an obvious lie. I’m about to just close my eyes and never wake up. But I can’t do something like that. Kai is in need of me and I will not sleep.
“Don’t be stupid, Age. Just shut your damn eyes and go to sleep.” His arms circle around my chest and hold me back against him, as though I would try to escape. I don’t actually want him to let go. I gave up fighting him, mostly because I’m weak, but mainly because he is one of my only comforts. Kai is my reason for living—my greatest hope—and now Delacroix is the comfort that I hate.
“Fine.” I agree if just to shut him up. But to think about getting some rest isn’t too bad either. I close my eyes, lean my head on Delacroix’s shoulder, and relax. My arm isn’t hurting me right now so that is adding to my comfort.
“Just relax.” He runs fingers through my hair and massages my scalp. God, this feels good…
I don’t know how long I was asleep but I wake up to find my brother gone. No one has to tell me why he’s not here and Delacroix doesn’t offer an explanation. Kai is dead. There’s a part of me that’s relieved that he is no longer in pain, but the sorrow outdoes the comfort. Tears begin to burn my eyes and I feel the arms around me tighten. Delacroix is still holding me in the same manner. Yet now, the comfort that he has become can’t even stop me from weeping. What am I supposed to do now? I never really cared if I actually escaped and now that Kai isn’t here I don’t have any reason to try anymore. I don’t have any reason to even live…
“Age?” Sayre walks up to the bars of the cell and gives me a sympathetic look. I don’t want his pity! “A date for your hearing has been set. In three days you’ll appear in court and you can present your case to the council.” With that he walks away, not daring to say anything about my brother.
So, I have a court date? I don’t even care anymore. If I should somehow manage to get out of here life still won’t be the same. Who will I have to go back home to? “Why does it matter now?”
“Because you still have a chance to be free.” Delacroix nuzzles the back of my neck with his nose.
“Who cares about freedom? What do I have left…?” A new wave of tears streaks my face and I clutch at my arm, digging nails into the healing wound and not caring how the skin rips open and blood runs down my hand. Can Delacroix get any dumber? He’s so stupid! I honestly don’t have anything left in life. With a reprimand like this my job is at an end. I’ll probably never be able to use my arm again. And to top it off, the only person that I’ve truly ever loved is dead. How can I care about freedom?
“Your life. Age, life will go on and you’ll be able to cope. I’ll help you…” Arms tighten around me again, in a tight hold that doesn’t hurt but is actually calming.
He’ll help me…? How stupid! He can’t even help himself and he expects to help me? God, I want to shoot him. Where the ******** is my gun when I want it so badly?!
Three days have gone by quickly and Delacroix is still trying to convince me of my worth. I just really don’t care. In a few hours they’ll come and get me and take me to my hearing where I will be found guilty. Delacroix has been asking me what my argument will be, but I don’t have one. I don’t need one. I’ve been running this day through my mind, over and over again. Today will be the day that I “escape”. As long as Delacroix is as dumb as I think he is then all should go according to plan. This will end up being the cruelest fate for us all but it will be what we all deserve.
“What will you say?” Delacroix questions me again.
I turn to see violet eyes staring at me. He’s sitting beside me, leaning against the wall, with one leg bent and the other propped up on it. I hate the way he sits. His manner is so calm and indifferent. But of course—his freedom is guaranteed and he doesn’t have to meet with my superiors. “Nothing.”
Delacroix doesn’t respond quickly. He just watches and sighs before closing his eyes and leaning his head back. “You’re an idiot.”
“And you’re an a*****e.” What else is there to say?
“For trying to help you? I guess I am.” The sarcasm in his voice is both enraging and at the same time a bit of humor in all this drama.
I smile at him even though he doesn’t see it. This idiot did always know how to lighten the mood. But even a quality like that doesn’t make me feel bad for what I’m going to do. If anything, it makes me hate him all the more. “You don’t seem at all worried today.”
“Should I?”
“Don’t know, maybe.”
“I’m not a damn psychic, Age. If you’ve got something to say then say it.” He sounds annoyed, but he’s grinning so I know he really cares. It’s almost creepy how I know his so well…
“I’ve got nothing to say to you.” I close my eyes and jerk my head to the side. I love our games so much. I’m unusual in a sense that I like to mess with people and see these trifles as a game—it’s my excitement. Growing up the way I did I’ve become twisted and now enjoy the challenge.
“You lie. There’s so much that you could say to me.”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing interesting at all.” Man, I love lying to this guy. I know that it might seem now that I’ve forgotten about my brother, but I haven’t. I’m just happy because very soon I’ll fulfill an unspoken promise to him: to escape.
“So what are you going to say?” He questions me again so casually. Does he expect me to give him a different answer?
“Nothing, I already told you.” Why, of all people, is it him that I get locked up with?
Delacroix bolts up right, startling me, and just stares at me almost in horror. “Are you really gonna just stand there with your thumb up your a**?”
What is his problem? Three days! I’ve been telling him for three days straight that I’ve got nothing and he still asks?! What a dumbass… “What I’m going to do is none of your business.” Why is he so nosey? Why the hell must he insist on making me miserable? He’s like my damn mother!
“Fine.” He leans back on the wall and closes his eyes again. Guess he gave up.
“Why do you care even?” I know, dumb question. In fact I even screwed myself over: he had finally shut up.
Delacroix turns to face me, almost amused. Good god I’ve given him reason to speak. “Because I won’t have anything to do when I get out if you’re still here.”
I knew it…
“Besides,” he finally opens his eyes, “I’ll miss the taste of you and my bed just won’t be the same without you.”
Ewe! Delacroix love is scary as s**t. Honestly, I don’t know whether he was abused as a child or beaten as a fetus, still nice and cozy in the womb. Whatever the case, he’s sick and should have been aborted. “I’m sure you’ll kidnap some unsuspecting child on the street and take him home.”
“No one could ever replace you, my love.” He crawls over and sits on my lap, smelling my neck like a damn cat. He is so weird!
I know he won’t do anything though. This is just his role in the game. But if I’m going to make my move I should do it now. I won’t get another chance to do it in time… “And no one else could ever hope to have me.” I run my hand down his chest. I am so disgusted with myself…
Delacroix looks surprised at my actions but leans into the touch. He never wears a shirt. As long as I’ve known him he’s only worn a shirt once or twice. So in this particular moment where he chooses to go around half naked I’m not complaining because it makes my job so much easier. He wraps arms around my mid section and embraces me. He’s being kind again. I understand how he feels. This love is one-sided. “Age, let me make love to you again,” he whispers into my ear.
Bingo! Now all is going according to plan. But wait, “again”? Is that what he calls raping me!? Man, he is so stupid! I should say no, refuse him the right to take me willingly. a*****e. But I can’t—that would set me back and all would be ruined. I grab his chin with my bad arm and make him look at me. Delacroix is taller and stronger than me, why the hell does he always end up on my lap? His violet eyes glimmer darkly in our dim cell. They are so pretty. Oh well. I pull him down and kiss him as my answer. Delacroix isn’t dumb enough not to take the hint as he kisses back. This time I won’t freeze…and I won’t remember.
He pushes past my lips with his tongue and rubs against my upper jaw. God he is such a pervert and I feel so disgusting doing this but I have to try harder. I think of everything that has ever given me an erection. Even though he, as a person, is appalling to me his body has always been a nice piece of eye-candy. So I try to focus on his lean form instead of his a*****e personality. The way his muscles ripple underneath his smooth skin, and the shadows that shade in his perfect physique all make me hard. I can feel the tightness of my pants and the damp spot my precum is creating against the fabric. Hell, I feel so dirty doing this but now I feel like a rutting b***h. There is no way that I’ll stop at this point. I run my hands down his chest and moan into the kiss. At least he’s experienced and not fumbling around dumbly. His body is so nice. His chest isn’t too broad and his flat stomach isn’t too buff. I adore that about him. I break away from the kiss and breathe huskily against his neck. “Don’t move.” I push him down against the floor and end up on top of him, straddling his hips and pinning his arms down. Even though my arm has hardly any feeling from the shoulder down I can still feeling the pulsing of his veins under his skin and the moving of his muscles. I press down on him, laying all my weight on him. I realize that I’m still wearing my shirt and grunt. I let go of Delacroix to start unbuttoning my shirt but his hands beat me to it. He sits up, making my butt slide down between his legs, and gracefully begins to quickly undo the buttons. When finished he slowly pushes the shirt from my shoulders and kisses the side of my neck with hungry, gentle nips. His touches are intoxicating to me and I can’t help but moan at his passion. My breath hitches in the middle of my moan when I feel his throbbing member pressing against my lower abdomen.
Delacroix chooses the junction at my neck and shoulder to bite down. Could I get any hornier? The pain that his teeth cause makes me moan. He bites down harder; the hurt it brings is a shot of ecstasy to me. I feel my flesh tear as his teeth sink in. my rams come up to grasp at him, one on his head, pushing him down harder on my neck, and one to claw at his shoulder. He instinctively bites down even harder and I cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. “You seem to be enjoying yourself this time,” he says to me.
I want to glare at him but my mind is preoccupied at the moment. My c**k is read u to burst! It’s pushing against my jeans and the strain that it is causing makes me want to cry. “Shut the ******** up.” I push him back down on the ground and bask in the sensation that being pressed against him brings. As I completely lay on him, both our erections end up clashing like swords. Delacroix closes his eyes and lets out a sharp breath. I, on the other hand, arch my back and soundlessly moan. If we don’t hurry up I’ll die of want. I reach down between us and start unzipping my pants. My poor neglected p***s can’t take confinement anymore.
Just as I’ve freed my member, Delacroix grabs me by the shoulders and rolls us over, pinning me to the ground. His murderous eyes glitter with lust and desire. He leans down and crushes my mouth into a harsh kiss. A strong tongue pushes past my lips and I allow it to play in my opening, moaning hoarsely at the attention—and in some places—therefore the lack of. Delacroix reaches down between us and gives my erection a rough jerk. I almost cry out. His hand grips tightly, trying to suffocate the tip, and plays with all the precum that has accumulated on my organ. My p***s is going to start bleeding and my balls are gonna explode…!
I lightly bite down on his tongue and watch him pull away. With the renewed space between us, I reach down and unfasten his pants. I want him inside of me already! My a** is begging for penetration and we are short on time—I don’t want some pervert guard to come watch us having hot man-sex. I quickly push his pants down his hips, not all the way off but enough for his engorged member to escape. “Get your d**k inside of me now!” I damn near scream at him.
A menacing grin plays on his lips and his tongue comes out to lick a line across his lower jaw. Without a word he parts my legs further and bows down to start kissing a trail down my chest. Hot kisses grace random patches of my skin and cause me to wriggle. My chest heaves up and down, my breath labored. He hasn’t even entered me and already I’m sweating from the heat of his body. Delacroix rakes nails down my side and causes me to jump. His mouth finally makes its way to my erection and blows hot air over it. I groan out in a mixture of pleasure and frustration. I want him to stop playing around. As a method of persuasion, I wrap my legs around his waist and thrust him into me. We both throw our heads back and moan: him from pleasure, me from pain. That wasn’t the greatest of ideas but he was driving me nuts. “Goddamn it, Age!”
“You weren’t doing anything.” I rock my hips to emphasize my point.
He grunts and glares at me. “Nothing, huh?” Roughly he grabs my hips in a bruising grip and begins to brutally thrust into me without letting me adjust to his size.
I bite down on my lip to keep from crying out. It hurts but it also feels good. I grab onto his shoulders and end up raking nails down his back. I don’t even feel the slight sting in my arm. I’m caught up in one of the last things I’ll remember. “Harder…”
Delacroix stops and looks at me for a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you, Age.”
“I said harder, a*****e!” I grab his head and yank him down for a kiss. He eagerly responds and starts moving again, thrusting harder. I have to break away from the kiss to make inaudible love cries. He is so big and is hitting my prostate every time.
Seeming to know that at this rate I won’t last much longer, Delacroix reaches between our bodies and grabs my erection. His hand begins to roughly jerk me off at the same rhythm that he’s thrusting. My voice grows louder as my end starts to peek. Delacroix himself has a strained look on his face and is speeding up. Finally I can’t take it anymore and my balls tighten before my sperm shoots out and covers us both. As my body tightens around him, he arches his back and throws his head back with a loud moan. His long hair makes a beautiful arc before settling on my legs. Now’s my chance. Delacroix’s head is tilted back and his eyes are closed; he’s riding out the waves of passion. With as much strength as I can muster I elbow the stone ground beneath me. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue as my elbow shatters, pushing the bone up out of my skin through my hand like a blade. Just as Delacroix looks back down at me I thrust my arm up, shoving my arm bone through his abdomen, just barely missing the breast bone. A line of blood trickles out of his mouth and onto my cheek. I have no sympathy for what I’ve just done.
A pained expression crosses his face as he coughs up another mouthful of blood. I pull my arm out of him and he crumbles on top of me. My arm hurts a hell of a lot more now, but I’m not done yet. I push Delacroix off me and flinch as he falls out of me. Blood is starting to pool around us because of his wound and my arm. His once lovely silver hair is soaking up our blood. Violet eyes that used to be murderous are now fading. “I knew…” he whispers softly, “that you’d do it someday.” I sit on my knees and watch as the life slips away from his eyes and dies.
It might seem wrong that I should end his life like this, after giving myself to him. But that was my gift to him.
I sit there for a few minutes until I hear footsteps coming. I don’t move. I continue to face Delacroix’s dead body even as Sayre steps to the cell and gasps. I hear the cell door open and he comes up behind me. “Age, what have you done?”
I grab my arm, knowing he hasn’t seen it yet. I have one chance at this. “I did what I always said I would.” I hear him shift behind me and then I feel his hand on my shoulder. From my position on the ground I turn around and jab my arm upward. I land my bone through his neck. This is my gift to Kai.
I pull away and watch Sayre fall while holding his throat. “Why…?”
“Because you ruined my life.”
I see him grab his gun and aim it at me. He’s choking on his blood and he’s dieing quickly.
“Do it.”
He smiles, sort of, before pulling the trigger.
I remember thinking, before all the pain was gone and I knew that I’d died, that Kai is going to hate me for not being on time.
 Tsunami-kun · Sun Apr 01, 2007 @ 01:26am · 0 Comments |
