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It's been a while and I'm not sure who wastes their time actually reading these but this will my last journal entry on Gaia. I've thought about it for a long time and I've come to a decision. I'm leaving. No one cares about me so it is no big deal if I just disappear. And in truth, there is a part of me that hopes someone will have a good compelling argument to make mesaty. Try if you want.
But the real reason I'm writing this entry is to tell someone how I am now. On December 20th and 21st I tried to commit suicide. I took over 30 perscription pills ranging from antidepressants to pain killers and cold medicine. I drank them with half a bottle of wine. I went to school that day knowing that I would get sick as hell. I also went knowing that he wouldn't give a damn. I didn't try to kill myself because I hate the people around me or because of some hidden anger that I bear. I wanted it to end because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. He always made me cry and then just stared at me like some kind of inaudible creature. Heh, it's funny, but Nolan said that weak people try to die. Is that true? Does it take weakness or strength to overcome the natural fear of death and take your own life? Hm, who knows. But Matt tried to care. At school he acted like a concerned citizen, for a moment. But in the end no one cared. Especially not him. I remember before running into the bathroom to puke my brains out that I saw him. I saw him laughing and smiling and I wanted to scream his name to see if he'd even look at me. But alas, by body refused to die. And to further prove that people just don't care about poor little Ayesha, absolutely no one called me to see if I was alive. No one came over, no one would even speak to me online. What kind friends I have. We have the same friends, but I know that if he was the one that had tried to die the whole world would have stopped to help. This is my insignificance.
--Ayesha
 Tsunami-kun · Sun Dec 30, 2007 @ 05:55pm · 0 Comments |
