Lately my thoughts have been scattered more than usual. I want more than anything to believe the truth of my friends, but I can tell when they lie to me. I told myself after that I wouldn't let people come so close to finding out the truth. It may have been a long time ago but I will always remember. I will know that he was the one who gave me this and also the one that did all this damage. I was having a talk with a friend the other day and it seems that I've become such a weak person. I was once stronger, wasn't I? I used to be able to tell people no. But now? I can't seem to tell people just what I'm thinking. I'm on the verge of another retreat. I've been crying a lot lately and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have no one to take it away. I have plebty of friends--good friends. But I don't have the right to trouble them with all my mistakes. Especially not right now that every aspect of our once solid foundation seems so fragile. What happened to us? I can't stop thinking that it's alll my fault. I began all of this and now I've become the one to try and fix it. But I can't. There is just so much that I'm unable to do for the people that I care about. Some of them are ungrateful, throwing my kindness right back in my face, and others just want things to change. But who wants what? I hope I can pull it together before the 21st. I don't want to end up crying right in front of everyone, least of all my parents. They would think that I'm depressed again and put me on the pills. I hate taking medicine. There is a difference betweeb sad and depressed. I'm just sad...  --Tsunami
 Tsunami-kun · Sun Mar 11, 2007 @ 02:06pm · 0 Comments |
