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it's been really chaotic lately

I'm been feeling really sad

I feel mentally heavy

to mush on my mind

to many things to think about

I been worry lately

don't know whether to let it go

or do something about it

can't seam to make good decisions lately

and it makes me feel terrible not being close to my true friends

and my love

because I'm never there for them I'm never helping them

they have help me a lot they're always there for me

I feel so useless I feel like I'm only messing up

I really don't know what to do with my self

I feel like I'm only using space in this world

I can never seam to find a friend here in Houston

the only friends I have are here in gaia

makes me feel a little better knowing that

I actually have friends

and they are great friends

I wish I could do something special for them

but I don't know what to do

I can't do anything right

the only thing that makes me feel a little better

is drawing

anyways

I really don't know how long I can stay in gaia

I have receive tons of PMs say

that I'm to old to me on gaia

and why don't I quit

a lot of people think the worst of me

they don't know me and they judge me

like they are gods or something

I'm not in gaia to make people angry

I have receive PMs with people angry

telling be to go and kill my self

and that I must be a one of those sick people that reap kids

and that they are going to report me

and I'm going to get kick out of gaia

I really don't understand why

do this people think this way about me

or about others

well for now on I'm not going to post nothing on forums

I'm only going to bump only to get gold

I will not go in to anyone's profile and say

"hi cool profile yeah"

that's all I do actually

I will not comment on the arena I will vote

I always give people 10s

hopefully this will make the numbers of hateful PMs go down

I will not add anyone in to my ignored list

I will always read each PM I get

so if you want to say anything hateful I will read it to make you happy

and I also toke my picture out of my profile

I also been receiving PMs saying that

I'm making people sick and that I'm ugly

well I'm sorry

yes I know I'm ugly sorry to make you'll sick

I will post it on my journal

because I want people to know that I'm not in gaia to

pretend to be someone I'm not

anyways the only people I pm are my friends

they have been really nice to me and for that I thank them

I haven't been so lucky meeting nice people in the past

I been push around a lot

seeing that this world actually has some nice people

and that I was lucky to meet some of them

makes me feel better

I think I'm nice person too

I don't get angry easily

and I'm always glad to hear from nice people

I try to help as mush as I can

and I don't say "no" to almost anything

I think I'm a nice guy

I hope I am

anyways

chaos is after me

I have no were to go

and to mush in my mind

well there's nothing I can do about it I guess