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Hmm, it's been a couple weeks since I have submitted a journal entry. Today, i will be covering 2 very important things in my life, maybe more, we shall see.
A while ago(over a month I believe) I took a "happiness %" test. I scored 71 if I remember correctly. Well, i can say where that other 29% comes from. When i sleep, or rather, before I fall asleep, and sometimes in my sleep. I am happy most of the day. I spend my time online, talking with friends, playing games, doing things that occupy my time and mind. However, when I deem it time to sleep, and lay there waiting to be carried off to dreamland, I can't help but begin to wander, getting lost in thought. These thoughts carry me to different recesses of my mind. The most frequented, however, would be that of my wishes, my dreams, my fantasies. This is the time and place in which my heart still aches, and i yearn to have things that won't ever exist in this world. Namely Kat, but among other things, all I have wanted was a life of adventure, or rather, to be able to spend my life among friends and loved ones, being free among the world and not having to worry about things like government, terrorism, debt, taxes, and all the stuff that makes this world such a horrible and unworthy place to live in.
That brings us to my other topic of interest. My overactive imagination. What importance does this hold for discussion, you may ask. Well, quite a lot actually. I love to dream, and if I had my way, I would dream of being in my own world, with Kat and all of the other people I have created of whom I call friends. The thing is, my imagination is, for the sake of not finding a better world, too powerful. what do i mean by this? let me explain it the best way possible. I see a picture, say it's of a catgirl(my second obsession), well, if i sit and begin to imagine what it's like to run my fingers through her hair, to feel her smooth cheeks, to play with her ears, or her tail... I can actually feel it. I can feel the strands of hair flowing smoothly over my fingers as I run them down the side of her head. I can feel the soft friction of her skin as I feel her cheeks. I can feel the soft furriness of her ears and tail as I play with them, feeling the individual strands of fur and I run my hand along them. Before i sleep, my mind does wander, and I imagine more than just that. If i think of Kat, I can feel what it would be like to hold her, to grab her by the waist, picking her up. I can feel how her dress would fold over my hands, I can feel the material. In my dreams, i can feel everything up to the wind on my face. There are lots of things I know I have never touched, but I can describe how they feel to be touched, and it only makes me more sad. This... other world that likes to take over my mind as I sleep. I can not be certain, but i believe I know how it feels to kiss someone that you love dearly. Though I have not had a chance to prove that in reality, yet, I have done it in my dreams... It is such a wonderful feeling, sharing that first kiss. I woke up with shivers, trembling because of it. That is the... power? of my imagination. It's both a gift and a curse, and I both love and hate it.
Overall, i would say this proves the "I am happy 71% of the time" statement, as about 29% of every day, maybe a bit less, maybe a bit more, is comprised of such thoughts.
Katie... As much as i say I love Kat, please don't let that bother you. I do love her still, but I don't know exactly why I am unable to let her go yet...
Regardless, I will always love you, no matter what I say.
 Dreadhawk Dragontail · Mon Feb 26, 2007 @ 11:04pm · 1 Comments |
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