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Damn almost every post I make in this Journal is discussing how much my life is literally going to hell.
I had gotten over Kyle, and found another to 'love' though thankfully never said to him 'I love you' he used me, broke up with me after a week.
This is the story behind Shawn.
Shawn....
Went out with me cause he liked this girl and I told him that if he liked her to go out with her but before he had a chance she hooked up with some one different. So Shawn concocted this "plan" as he called it that he would break them up (use me while he had the chance), and when they broke up he would break up with me and the other girls ex was supposed to re-bound on me, so it would be Shawn + Other girl and Me + Other girl's ex, you see? -_- his plan fell apart though, because he told people of his dirty scheme and they told me, the other girl, and the other girl's ex, (oh but the other girl and the other girl's ex got back together yay ^_^) so shawn is left alone alone alone hahahahahahahah I mean.... sorry shawn ^_~ but really we are cool now, sorta friends again, I think we avoid talking to eachother.
Okay so that was over fast. Me and Shawn lasted a week. Then I found the best guy ever. He is the BEST GUY EVER.
I am serious.
He IS -THE- best guy -EVER-.
Jasin Rose Down.
Yes his middle name is Rose.
I love him so much.
But....
Well we started going out the day before Valentines day, it wasn't one of those silly 'Will you go out with me?' things, it was we liked eachother so much that we didn't even have to say it to tell people we where going out. We said I love you to eachother, and we told people that we where together.
The day before Valentines day was the first day he said 'I love you' to me.
Two days after Valentines day....
He shot himself in the head, and died.
I am being serious.
Jasin Rose Down - Rest in peace.
He killed himself because people at his school would never stop making fun of him for having homosexual parents. I am strongly against self harm, and segregation, I allways have been, and I cried for 3 hours strait, and I wouldn't stop crying for days. I still cry sometimes for him. I love him a lot.
You don't know what it's like for some one to put in their suicide note,
'Tell Amanda Nicole that I love her, I'll be watching over her in heaven and I am still sending her roses. I am sorry that this has happened, but I want you to know that I love you very much, and I will be with you when your sleeping, so watch your dreams'
On the day of his funeral (which I couldn't go to) my best friend, Mehgan, played a song for me. That day I had told her that I was done with dating, and that I wish I didn't have a heart because it's to easy to fall in fake love. She played a song, that made me cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. At the time she played it, it described me perfectly. I had been wearing a bow in my hair at the time, it was a bit after I told her that I was done with dating, we had been thinking of Jasin all day, I wore all black that day, except for a pink bow.
Two days past eighteen
He was waiting for the bus in his army greens
Sat down in a booth at a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gave him a smile
He said would you mind sittin' down for a while
and talkin' to me? I'm feeling a little low
She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go
So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I betcha got a boyfriend but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you?
I cried
Never gunna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldiers' comin' home
So the letters came from an army camp
In California then Viet-nam
and he told of his heart it might be love
And all of the things he was so scared of
He said when it's gettin kinda rough over here
I think of that day sittin' down at the pier
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don't worry but I won't be able to write for a while
I cried
Never gunna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldiers' comin' home
One Friday night at a football game
The lord's prayer said and the anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local Viet-nam dead
Cryin' all alone under the stands
Was a piccalo player in the marchin' band
And one name read but nobody really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair
I cried
Never gunna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldiers' comin'
I cried
Never gunna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldiers' comin' home
In loving memory of Jasin Down.
Finally, March 5, I found another whom had liked me for quite some time, but everytime he had asked me out he laughed as he said it so I was allways thinking he was kidding, and I was indeed allways disapointed. But then he asked me without laughing, but looking strait into my eyes. I really did stare into his eyes for a few moments, thinking carefully about my answer, the consequinces it could bring later, the joys I would have before then
I said yes so this is where I am now.
 II a r c II · Tue Mar 08, 2005 @ 02:52am · 1 Comments |
