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Alright, today was pretty rough emotionally. I had to give my grandmother's eulogy and that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I got really shakey and almost gave into emotion, but I managed to keep it under control long enough to finish. It was really hard to do it, but I had to be strong for my grandmother. Right now my family needs me so I'm doing my best to help every one else along. It can be hard since a lot of crap has gone wrong in my life lately, but I'm a trooper and I always push onwards, no matter how bad things get we have to hold onto the good memories right?

I've finally decided to take initiative in my life and actually try to make something of it. I'm going to start working out after work and on my days off since I miss being in shape, and I'm going to start doing martial arts and playing sports again. I've applied to school for international business which I hope will allow me to see the world and if it doesn't then maybe I will join the military, I just want to see so much more before I become rooted down here in Canada, because this will always be my home.

I want to become a stronger person, then maybe love will find me again, whether it be a past love or a new love only time will tell, it's not something I'm going to rush or even look for right now. I'm going to focus on myself, and I'm sorry to everyone I've ever hurt or made mad in my life. Many of you are very precious to me and I cherish your friendship, and most of you know who you are so I won't bother putting down names. My close friends I love a lot and would do anything for, they are few and far between, I know that I care about a lot of people, but very few actually care about me as well. I'm really sorry for anything bad I've brought into anyone's life and I hope oneday you can fogive me for anything I have done to you.

Well my life isn't the worst life, not even close, it's probably somewhere in the middle really, maybe even upper middle when you think about it a lot more could be much more worse than it is now. I mean yeah, things have gone bad and I've lost a lot of people in my life, but things could be much much worse at the same time. There's no point in wallowing in self pity or suffering from self doubt because then life will leave me behind, and I'm sick and tired of letting life pass me by. I'm going to grab it by the throat and tear everything I want out of it with my bare hands, because life goes on whether we want it to or not and we have to move on as well. Otherwise we get ground into the dirt and never get back up, that's when sometimes we have to let others pick us up and carry us along, or else we get stuck in the past and that can destroy us. Hmm... I'm not sure what else I wanted to put down here, been really sleepy as of late so I'm going to end this entry here, take care everybody and have a good one.
-Jamie