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I'm kind of afraid.

No. I'm very afraid.

I think something is wrong with me. I don't know what, but I've been feeling off the past few days. For the most part I've been okay, but on Tuesday...it was...weird, that's all I can really say. I was telling some of my other friends about college and how another friend and I were going to be golf and 'miniature bowling' buddies. Someone caught me and we started laughing about it. And I kept laughing. I barely managed to explain that we were also going to shop for dorm pets, including, possibly, a turtle for me.

And in the middle of that I started crying. At first I thought I was laughing so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes, but I was actually crying. I covered it...but the same thing happened today.

Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep--I don't know. But I got home from school today and I just died on the sofa. I woke up around six thirty when my mother was calling me for dinner...so I'm rested, but I'm still upset.

The hysteria thing happened again today. I was in 8th period, which is Latin, and I was telling my friends about a great philosophical profunditity I'd realized. May is 'yam' spelled backwards. This had been a big joke in the period previously and again, we started laughing. And I felt the tears come.

It's...dissassociating. I didn't really feel anything, the joke was silly, but it wasn't anything hysterical and the crying wasn't about anything. One of my friends made the comment that I seemed to be getting worse every day, like a half life. I'm scared of what tomorrow will bring.

I don't know what's up with me, but I feel like something is terribly, terribly wrong. I haven't really done anything within the last few days--I've been watching TV, which I never do, only when I'm sick. I've considered that, because my dad is sick as well, but that doesn't account for it.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know....