10/26/06
last night i really wanted to cry.i wasnt sad about anything. i just wanted to cry.
so i started thinking of sad things, like knowing my dad doesn't love me, or death. even of other times of me crying.
out of nowhere though a memory popped up. of when i was little. i think it was first grade. yeah.
this kid and i were arguing. he kept saying he could talk to dogs or something. so i said i coul fake cry. it was true too. i'd just concentrate on something sad and tears would flow.
but evry time i did it he'd yell, "mrs.sta-ark!!!! kristen's cry-ying!!!!!"
how i hated that little b*****d. at that time i only let my mommy see me cry. and how i hated mrs. stark. she was a b***h.
i always knew what went through her head. "great. another goddamned kid to take care of." i knew she didn't like her job. but then again, i don't blame her. a room full of 28 sugar high six year olds. at least i think i was six.
but that is all i memory like i said. complex in its own way. special somehow. and how it affected my life, maybe i'll just never know.
.............
i'm finishing this as i lay down to bed. yes it's dark, but ove the years i have accomplished being somewhat nocturnal. and im hoping i spelled that right. soon when i try to sleep again, i will fall asleep listening to my ipod. when 4 or 5 songs go by. i will have been passed out. then wake to another day
yeah.
something like that.
~Qukie
Community Member