I believe you only feel true love once in your life. At times it can be rough and you may just lose them, but no matter how hard you try to fill that voice where they once were, it is virtually impossible. A new muse can only go so far before the love comes back, tugging and pulling on every last strand they have in your memory. They call you back at the most subliminal and unexpected of times when that one song is playing or your looking at a picture the two of you took with some friends back in the summer and you can't help but just wonder where the pair of you would be now if it wasn't for the fight, the depression, the parents or the pain. You could wonder all your life . . . but never find the answer.
Sure, you can move on with your life, find that new significant other but they wouldn’t be your true love. They wouldn’t be those hours spent lying in a field, just smiling at each other; those endless conversations about ditty-squat that went on until the am; the weak-at-the-knees, tingling sensation you got from staring into each other’s eyes and most importantly, they wouldn’t be that first kiss. That first kiss sealed everything. You may not have noticed at the time but I’m sure looking back on it now you can see it, even feel it. There was nothing like it. It was just you, them and the stars. Nothing else mattered, even if what you were doing was against all the beliefs of society, friends . . . family.
You never realize how good you have something until it’s gone. I never understood how I could possibly think of moving on when what I needed all along was right in front of me all this time. I suppose I wanted to end the hurt for the both of us, I thought I could break everything down and make it easier but in reality and made it more difficult. The scariest thing to happen to anyone would be to be ruled by logic. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept reality the way it is and when you accept it, it makes it that much easier to manipulate. In short, I suppose I was just trying to get a grasp on my reality before accepting that there is a world of hope just waiting for me. My heart was deafened by how loud my logic was that I never heard love calling. To be vulnerable is my worse fear, or was rather. I could not stand the thought of letting my guard down to anyone but now that I’ve accepted all that’s happened I can love him with all my heart . . . not my head.
In the words of Teddy Geiger, “there’s only one love in a life time and two hearts of a kind.”
