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I finally droke down. I cut so badly that night that I had to change in the bathroom stall for weight-training because I was afraid someone would see and ask. I dragged the knife all over my thigh, drew on my skin with a giant safety pin, and rubbed a whole patch of skin off of my thigh. It all hurts like hell, especially the place where I rubbed the skin off with my knife. The funny thing is I never understood how hurting yourself could make you feel better, but now I do. It seems to cure everything emotional pain, sickness, stress, and even my constant headaches. For about a week I've been getting headaches that won't go away. I dont' know why, I just know I'm not allowed to take anything for them. I keep writing more and more about cutting and depressions it's like a sudden obsession. I even cut one of my friends, granted he only offered to prove that he was manly. This week has been easily one of the worst of my entire life. The only worse one was the week I was in the hospital. This week I cut myself more than ever, almost broke up with my boyfriend, almost drove a friend away, almost punched my sister, failed my squat test, can't seem to escape my family, have this weird depression/guilt 24/7, and I haven't had my period in two months so I might even be pregnant, to top it all off. My life went all the way through hell and to someplace seemingly darker. I don't know really what to say to any of my friends, and no one seems to truly understand all these urges that I've been having. To drink, smoke, cut, pop pills, run away, and fight and so many other things that I've never wanted to do before in my whole life. I can't seem to shake this feeling that my mom knows and really just doesn't give a damn about it. I seem more connected with my step-dad who I barely talk to than my entire family. It really has become the only escape I have, to cut at night.