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I look at all of what I have, I see what little is there...
am I looking too hard,
or is there nothing else I but what I wear?
I am dumbfounded,
looking for a way out...
I am at a loss, mostly at doubt.
Someone please help me,
to guide me back to myself...
I am lost with nowhere to go,
I beg and ask you...
there is no feeling left inside,
and nothing else to do...
Help me, oh someone that finds this,
for I seek for what is not here,
for what is at a miss...

======================
what is this happiness?
this sense of joy and awe...
i wish i had it sooner,
and i can not believe I have it now...
where have you been,
as i've been seeking to vow...
to promise my solemn love,
of which i share and have with you...
so we can live blissfully through the days,
in order to create a new...
please accept this on behalf of our love,
to which i pledge shall remain true...
which we shall never leave another's side,
continuing the neverending adventure...
and if we shall ever seperate,
the love of our wonder's past shall be pure...

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stupid thing....took me forever to "attempt" to make it rhyme..i went to a website to find some to...haha..

I wish i could write some more..out of my own heart and words..even if my vocabulary and un-widened- 'horizons' of experiences isn't as big as it can be yet...
***********************************

i pass you everyday, just to get a glimpse of you...
your smile so genuine,
a warm feeling of which i never knew...
if only i were to meet you,
this person of surpassing beauty...
if only that wish were to become real,
for both you and i to be...
the person of my deepest dreams,
where there is only you and me...
each day and night i think,
with only you in my heart...
pain is my only companion,
one which will not part...
if only you were mine,
to have by my side...
but fear still clings to me,
and all i can do is hide...
all those feelings i have,
never showing myself...
behind a tree near you,
this only sad and lonliness i have dealt...
if only i had the courage,
to ask for your heart in love...
one day it shall happen,
when my wings come out if i were a dove...
to sweep you off your feet,
both you and me within love's wings.
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yay! i love that one.....tra la la la----la la la...

so....i think i'm not going to be on the computer for a while...i stil have hella homework to catch up on, and i need to hide the laptop away now. so, for a week, i won't be on...but i type this here just to re-assure myself...stupid uly...always going on gunbound....but this week..there's....a THREE DAY WEEKEND! YAY! YAY YAY! lol. but on valentine's day....i'll have my teeth pulled out!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! lol. but, ate[h] cesel's b-day soon! =]

on saturday, i just didn't go to conditioning again =,= ... i uh....just...was tired again....and and and and and and..i relaxed and didn't do any homework this weekend. as always, i blame it on my laziness, and that i had to volunteer at crab feed, then go to bobby's b-day party. >:3 lol. uhm.....yeah.....crabfeed...only $14 tips.....BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! lol. and i just gave it to bobby for his b-day present. =P cuz, i'm not made of money!!!! grrrr!!!!! i coulda bought some dictionary or something [i really need a pocket dictionary..i always seem to need one...lol]. found kewl new songs on um......the breakbeat list at soundclick....so, yeah!!!! i need new music.... u.u. at least i updated my yahoo address book. hopefully there won't be ttttoooooooooo many crapped emails in my inbox by the end of this week [assuming i have no online assignments to make me uh....make me....make me.... check my email and stuff again. lol.

bobby's party was alright [since i came late anyay.....]. DDr....was i playing heavy songs? lol. i was surprised [cuz i thought i WAS playing heavy songs. lol. maybe i was.....] la la la.

i keep fighting over myself with quitting track and just do track....it's killing me on the inside. including my laziness is slowly kreeping back!! i need a new motivation man!!!! lol. and..i feel slow...Emmanel said they did like 10miles.....BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! lol. I'm always envious by the people that are so commited and blah....and yeah, good bodies = fasterness....or skinnyness/tallness/shortness makes them faster...not AVERAGE people....lol SO BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! lol. more b-days....always at the beginning of the year...lol. XP la la la la la la la la la la lla la l la la lal la lalal al al al lalalaala. lol. the only class i'm worrying about is geometry...the work anyway. haha. i'm so lazy man.......................lol. blaaaah.....i need to ask to copy all that s**t someday....then, i'll try to do the TK 1-50..oh shyt...he's going to fuking fast again......f**...lol.....i have to do that again....BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I hate when i'm not able to blah. i need to lock up laptop. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. lol.

I hope Ham's doing ok!!!! lol...if only i wasn't so spoiled...----which i'm thinking....lol. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. so much blah-ness....man....lol.

Hope bobby is all better now! his tummy-ummy didn't feel god! i hope stephanie and her lil bro is [or was..iono if they coming back to schoool...lol.] had[ving] fun with their mom on saturday [possibly through tomorrow? iono how it works.... =P ]

I hope Marchelle and Clara got enough sleep after staying up to 2am on like...uh....friday? haha. only Uly can pull that off! SWEAR! lol

i hate brushing my teeth....lol...i need like a juicer...my skinn's giving up again man!!!!!!!!! lol. it's itchy!!!! >:O my neck anyway...exima....assumming it's linked towards my asthma, as if it were being distributed through my skin instead of lungs......BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! lol.

I wish i could learn more about html and stuff...so i can make my xanga/myspace kewler...and so that i can play with photoshop some more. biggrin

other concerns are my lack of study...and the fact that i'm going to kill myself next year by bombarding myself with work....

hopefully, my DREAM schedule is:

1. English 11 Honors
2. Math Analysis
3. Chemistry Honors
4. History AP
5. Japanese II
6. Beginning Choir
7. Fitness Swim/Endurance [or something like P.E. ~if not...then weight training]
but...i don't really know how to swim...so, i need to ask about that....haha. =P

all of them YEAR classes...for stuff shattered in my face..but this looks more practical, if i were to yeah.....like..yeah.....ya know....like....get into the higher classes...lol.

um.....what else should i blab more about? I NEED SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. ok, i should cut it here then.....until like few days or weeks....lol....BYE!!!! lol.

mYsPaCe[myspace]

[x]anga [xanga]