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*so yeah. blah. the background (myspace) represents all of my great moods smile . there's a litttle darkness, a little light, a little sun of hope, a little dark cloud of sadness...some calm of the moon. meaning... this blog may have to do w/ happy, sad, blah, recollection of moments

*i use -ish, added to a word, meaning "sorta" or "kinda"..which makes me feel unique so... YEAH

*as my long a** retarted blog-history from hella long ago, i shall have a long post D:

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blah, it rained today, but it's still kewl.

i want so much to happen, but i notice i'm hell of afraid still. that means i'm using stupid excuses that could be avoided that could change. just, duno. should i still wait for change? or let it happen? kinda hard. i'm so used to how the way things are.

something else kinda bugs me, even though i know it's true. like, whenever my mom asks people i 'know' like around the store or whatever, they say i'm shy. probly the only way to describe me, right? it's kinda hard to observe how i act in public, cuz it just comes natural.. like not really saying 'hi' cuz i just pass my time walking by thinking or whatever. i don't like having the perception that i'm shy like 'oh, that shy kid?' or crap like that. even though it's rare, it bugs me

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senior banquet. i think too much when i quote 'dance'. i can't just move around. i like the lights off so i can move randomly biggrin !! mmm, guess i'm not used to expressing myself around people i don't know.

sleeping habits = bad. i always procrastinate, even on the easiest things. how lame. i just feel the need to go on the computer & be lazy on it. like everyday i go on myspace. i eventually got led to youtube, then NASA.gov (wow, i'm special. it was kewl though, even though i didn't find the hw assignment worksheet there for physics. -_-;; )). then eventually got tired of having no song & a tired background.

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college: San Jose State or CSU East Bay or DVC. I think Long Beach sucks, cuz it's old *cough cough i'm evil cough* and the dorms are ugly / old too, even if it's a cheap CSU / has many majors & crap.

driving for today: yeah, i drove people today & crap. i think it's the last time? maybe i'll like, drive people around on rare occassions. duno. like, i don't wana worry my mom, and i mostly tell her the truth about serious-ish stuff. i don't want to crash and then jeapordize the ownership of our house cuz i'm only on liability cheap-o insurance (if i crash and it's over $15k, then, mom could get sued or crap). But, i'm heck of a confident driver. I've made all my serious mistakes when i had my permit (running reds, almost hitting crap while parking..blah.. )). she'll go to DMV to blah, see if it's ok to drive people (which i know it's not true, even if people use notes -_-;; .. i mean, i learned u can't driveanybody under 25 w/o lisence ..... driver's ed)

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music: i can't chose my fave type of music. i just listen to wahtever is on the radio that i'm used to (Hip Hop / R&B.. ever since like middleschool, when i found 97.7 and thought it was kewl & then somebody told me bout 102.5). . . but pop... was raised under pop (cuz it's not bad for kids -_- no bad stuff)... aaahh, but rock stuff is kewl too. blah. and then asian music + tagalog from teh homeland. DD: (even if i can't understand most of the parts in tagalog)

also, i noticed i don't really listen to the meaning of a song till i actually stop humming or whatever to it and yeah. i don't think i've actually memorized ANY song(aside from choir). i just like the background and vocals... i mean, sure, backstreet boys from a billion years ago, but not word for word. i want to though. like those people hella singing ugly & outloud in they cars

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family: Tita (great tita / great aunt) is comin *cough cough*! lol. also w/ Tita Laine & Gabo!! on the 23rd? OH SNAP, THAT'S WHEN HOSA MONEY IS DUE. oh well razz . ANYWAY. . . yeah, i think, that Tita Laine deserves to chill over here for a lil while.. even if she still has Gabo w/ her. She's working hard over there. Also, another person in our house biggrin !

friends: yeah, i was like thinking back to something we talked about in history. like, if the people we know are 'friends', like not acquaintances where we can chill for a week w/ out talkin to a person but are still like kewl w/ each other.

i think most of the 'friends' i have are like that. i've had awesome tight friends, but everybody split into their own groups / met new people. and even now, they're splitting even more. everyone has common ground to their groups, but like, practically just met heck of new people during highschool, cuz of being split w/ diff classes & houses.

Like, the people I had lunch w/ last year are different & the people who i hung out during the summer were different than the year before that too. I don't really talk to some people anymore like Stephanie *remembers 8hr phone call of awesome tiredness & air* & talking w/ Ham @ night heck of whiles back.

come to think of it, my awesomest friends in middleschool were all in the same class (like everyone else), so it was easy to keep a group together. same in elementary school (when i split & went to Black Diamond instead of Park Middle. I still like have contacts-ish w/ those people in Middle (barely in elementary, like Travis through Cheryl .. -ish )) school, like Ashlie after school & Sarah w/ her lumpia craving needs. . .Megan is still in my Gov't class, but we don't talk.

maybe life is like that. till i finally settle down & crap, i'll just be drifting for a while finding a solid group. or, i'll befriend my child's friend's parents, like Vita said we'd all probly end up doing, lol.

Like, my friends now are the people in my classes, who i have lunch w/, people who know people, and a few from the past that i see @ times. but, i'm not as close to them as i used to be.

Like CCD @ the church before I got confirmed. It was fun during the retreat @ the St. Ignacious, w/ Cat, JonTon, Kristina, Cheryl, and Andrew (am i missing somebody?). that was hell fun when we semi-barely weren't watching Passion of the Christ and lying on the floor all grouped together *sigh*. mmm, not really talking to Jon Ton, duno why, i'm just evil and don't really keep in contact w/ people w/ not in my classes <_< razz

Same w/ May & Ingrid in Geometry sophmore year. It was all good & stuff and suddenly stuff changes after a year (of course) of not having any classes w/ them, but still.... i have good memories w/ them & everyone else. AND in Tomlinson's english class sophmore year.. w/ Logan & Ace & Jesse. it'd be nice to iono...have things the same from hella long ago. oh well..can't relive the same things over again i guess.. sad

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school: i'm failing physics. i don't care, sadly. just like last year w/ Chemistry & Alg II. If it's new & not easy to me, i just give up. how masculine. maybe it just takes a while w/ math or whatever.

the rest of my classes are easy, to an extent. they have their share of heavy work, but i'm actually interested in these classes. the people are alright. some classes i just sit and listen to lecture / work (English & History) .. In Japanese III i hell of chill & talk and have fun <_< ... but the atmosphere there is so different and awesome, cuz we're all a family :O!

In others, we have no progress like Show Choir -_- (my opinion, go away!) ..and Physics (my opinion, go away). I don't like teachers that don't teach. I mean like, be engaged w/ out lecture and show a bunch of examples on the board / parallels towards life.. and asks if we need any clarification. Basically, teachers that make it easier for us. . . kinda why i wana be a teacher, so that the world has one less class to worry about...so that at least one class doesn't get stuck w/ a teacher that doesn't teach. i want to be the teacher that teaches and to interact w/ the class & actually get work done. D<

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clubs:

Key Club is awesome. I'm glad i'm more involed w/ the club and the members. It's real kewl. I've met a few new people & got to hang w/ some people i sorta know @ events & meetings. I also feel good for helpin out the community biggrin and feel real involved w/ the club with its projects & stuff. Sarah (SYD) is also an awesome President.

like, trying to finish all the required events is a great way to meet people in key club.

FHA-HERO. i duno, it's a small club. I regret not going to the 'intro' convention, but BLAAAAAAAH. sometimes it feels like we're not doing anything productive @ the meetings, cuz all we're doing is prepin for competition. i need to get all the dates together for all the clubs (i.e. planner.. )).

HOSA: i'm worried? it's heck of a rocky start. hella less people than last year. Mrs. Soraoka isn't here no more -_- so ... Mrs. Oneil? We need some sort of guidance w/ medical field & like need to have more of a commitment to meetings since they're every other week -_-;; . we're going nowhere biggrin

:::i'm worried about HOSA and FHA-HERO next year, if they'll survive ^^;; no offense. Just a tad bit worried bout Key Club, but, i think it'll be alright biggrin D

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Chillage: it's fun to chill w/ anthony, andrew, and chris afterschool around the parking lot. haven't talked to anthony in hellz of long. tiz awesome. same w/ the other two. it's kewl, we 3 have cars razz . Just, I known Anthony for hellz of long. He's like a loser friend who i never knew was my brother-ish. like, whenever i see him around class, we always crack a joke & s**t. that loser asian, lawl. he's my middle school buddy. that's what i'll classify him as :O

Chillin w/ ashley & sarah is fun too, also when Cat comes afterschool w/ Trevor. It's all good. Fun listening to music in the car & stuff.

I need to watch movies. i haven't done any 'fun' stuff on the weekend for two months -_-.

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Job? :: must do follow up @ Blue Fin Sushi & call # for H&R Block for the sign holding thing <,<. also, Jana got a job @ the movie theater, so maybe i can try something there >.>

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********. it's 3AM. i think i need to sleep. big a** history test that i didn't really study for cuz i know i'll pass it. maybe a B or C. I'll see.

... maybe i have a life. *just notices*. i have bad stuff (top part of page) and good stuff (bottom part of page).

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I think i like somebody. It's a sign where I expect somebody to be calling each time the phone rings. I feel hella bad though. I mean, if u feel something, you should express it, right? and i haven't really talked to her like as frequently as we have. But, i keep the excuse that I'm busy and I don't really have time (which I kinda, don't-ish, actually----sadly).

you have to have time for each other to make it work... and they actually have to say 'yes' xD

but it would be cool to have a relationship. maybe, but not now. she knows who she is. i think. or not. she's not that smart. JOKE. DON'T KILL ME.

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MY

relationship pros:

1)happy, happy, joy joy! (ren & stimpy)

2)a permanent chillax partner

3)a way to display affection

4)commitment is fun

5)i want somebody to look and feel awesome w/, to make people jealous xD

con:

1) time

2) my inferiority complexes

3) my senior year, not much time left

4) commitment = not really able to poke fun / flirt w/ opposite sex as much <.<

5)my lack of any experience

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People who haven't really talked to but REALLY want to xD : Nicole, Almirah, Cassidy, & Haley.

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Who I must have / NEED more Chillage w/ :: Raine & Monica, everybody in my lunches that I eat w/ <_<, Adrian & Sarah & Justine & Cheryl and Ramon & Penni (all in Japanese III)

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BLAH, JOEY IS LEAVING!! :'( NOOOOO. SAME W/ KRYSTLE / her fams w/ her bro ACE!! OMG... D'= ... TO THE PHILIPPINES. BLAH.

~end