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Like to dislike, cont.
I remember very well the day I realized he didn't love us. Sure, I had had my instances which had hinted around. The signs that showed me and that which I had ignored. I should have known. I should have known for so very long. Funny how such large signs are ignored, but one tiny little incident brings it all into sight.
It wasn't a big deal. Not really. It'd have been all better by the next day, left alone. You see, we (my sister and I) had been watching Slayers every Saturnday night. It came on once a week, in Japanese with the subtitles. I was obsessed. By the way, it never did rerun. Just for the record. Again, no big deal, but all the same....
One of these nights, he came into the room and demanded the TV. The one with cable. We had one other, in his room, that had only the basic channels. Again, while I'd have been upset at having missed my show, it'd normally have been okay. My problem came when I heard what he wanted so urgently to watch.
The news. Yes, the news, which comes on over and over again, every day. With the same stories, plus anything new (which, for the record, had nothing new from that morning to be so urgent). Best of all, the news shows on all the basic, non-cable channels. So, of course, he needed the cable TV. Not the one in his room.
Still, while I was very P.O.ed at him, it'd have been fine by the next day. I simply resolved not to talk to him until I felt better for it, to prevent any argument or needless pain. I went into my room to listen to music while he watched his useless news.
My sister came into the room, and (trusting the sibling bond) I told her about my anger. She, in turn, told him. I heard her. This, too, angered me. Although I have long since been over it. I went back out when I heard him in the bathroom, preparing for bed. Sis had switched back just in time for ending credits, and so I went to the computer to check email before bed. She came over and screamed at me to get off, it being her turn. rolleyes I told her that she should have been on, then, and now she'd have to let me finish what I was doing first.
Then I told her why I was mad at her.
She told me that I shouldn't be putting TV in front of family. This from the girl who acted hateful to Mom often enough because she didn't want to wear the outfit picked for her (as she was that young at the time). I pointed this out to her, and to my dismay she screamed at the top of her lungs that I was lying. She did this less than two inches from my left ear.
Ouch.
I went to bed (I slept on the couch at the time) and he came out to say goodnight. He asked what the screaming was about, and my sister told him. I wasn't speaking to him. If not before, then certainly not after.
See, she told him her side (which was more or less to the story, but with her bias that I had been putting television above family) and so I did mention her screaming so close to my ear. Retaliation.
He never said a word to me. He spoke to her about me, but not to me. He told her how mature she was for her views, conveniently forgetting that she had immaturely screamed in my ears. After all the years of telling us not to scream when we fought, after all the years of telling us that maturity came after we could argue like adults, he sided with the screamer. I had long since quit screaming in arguements, and pointlessly. I had never been given appreciation for it.
It occured to me then what Mom had been saying about his personality. He didn't care. He simply sided with whoever fit his desires at the time, and cared nothing about fairness or truth. It put into my mind a specific incident to prove her words, and I have never forgotten. I remember it vividly, and that is a lot.
Coming from the girl who can't remember people or places important in so many more ways.
(To be cont.?)
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