well as i have found out i had slowly been losing my depression (or so i thought) and now i have regained it once again. I odn't know what has triggered it (if anything did trigger it) i just know i have strted it again. i mean for about 3 days i have been having thoughts of my Boyfriend breaking up with me. the one that appears most goes like this.
i'm standing by the lockers by my language arts room. he is standing in front of me and had said he needed to talk. No one else is in the hallway with us. I'm not holding anything and neither is he. I'm wearing the outfit i was wearing when he first asked me out and he is wearing the outfit that he wore when he asked me out. I have a fake smile on my face and i know what is coming.
"Ashley i pulled you out here because we need to talk." He says. I nod my head and my smile lowers. i think he knows i know.
"I'm breaking up with you." He says bluntly. My smile falls and so does my head as i nod a little.
"May i ask why even though i think i know?" I whisper to him. His expression tells me he didn't want to tell me why.
"Since you want to know i will tell you. I can't stand the way you act. I can't stand you at all. You have a bad temper and want to control everything. you act to depressed for me and i can't handle that at all. Not only that but i like someonee else." He says. A tear slips down my face as i nod my head. His expressin tells me that he is shocked that i didn't yell at him.
"I understand. I would break up with me to if i were you. I'm not mad at you in the least. I just want oyu to be happy and if i'm not in that picture then that's okay." I say sadly. He nods his head and he walks back into the class room with one last glance at me.
Knowing that no one is listening my back falls to the lockers and my knees give out and i fall to the floor silently crying. I knew it was coming and i asked for it.
I wipe my eyes and wait a while before going back into the clossroom. No one notice me coming back in except my friend christi who notices my expression to. She can tell it's fake.
I slip into my seat as the teacher is talking about more forshadowing. I slowly start to finish coloring m project ignoring some of the stares i am no recieving. I scribble the colors onto the page but i don't see what i am drawing.
the bell rings and i get up and slowly pull myself to lunch.
 heavens_akki · Sat Oct 21, 2006 @ 05:27am · 0 Comments |
