Well who knows what compelled me to do so but i attacked my leg and now it has some minor cuts on it. i didn't want to go to far until i knew what was wrong. Something has been depressing me and i still don't know if i have figured it out yet. It might be my relastionship with my boyfriend.
it's not my boyfriend who would be causing me to think bad thoughts it would be me. lately i have been wondering why anybody likes me? i seem to only piss people off or so i see. i don't see why anyone would even love me. I'm not a good person and i don't know how people say i halp them. i can't even help myself.
It might be just my depression that i have had for 4 years. i mean i seriously have had depression for four years. I've been cutting for one year. no i have never taken care of my depression. I've always been to scared to tell anyone.
Maybe it's b/c i keep my feeling bottled up. I did promise myself that. I have kept many things bottled up for a long time. I still have things bottled up that i had bottled up like forever ago.
Maybe it's my friends. I mean they are great but i feel they are to great for me. I feel that i don't deserve them. I don't deserve friends at all. I don't feel i am good enough to have them.
Maybe it's just me. I always have thoughts like this. I don't know why. I guess i have always had these thoughts. I can't really explain it. It's probably b/c of my home life. I dunno. Probably though. My family does have their issues.
these thoughts are horrible but peasurable to me. I enjoy pain b/c i feel i deserve it. I hate pain though b/c of the emotional hurt it places upon me.
 heavens_akki · Fri Oct 20, 2006 @ 05:26am · 0 Comments |
