Death
Well, I guess they’ll be home soon. I still don’t get why I wasn’t allowed to go. I’m fifteen. That’s old enough. I want to go. My parents are so mean. They spoil Damian rotten, but I’m not allowed to have anything; not even a cardboard dollhouse. I guess my life is pretty good, though. It could be worse; Damian could be twins. Just because he’s the oldest and the only boy in the family doesn’t mean that he should be treated more special than me. I’m the only girl. Maybe I should do the dishes. Nah. I’m going up to my room to contemplate the mysteries of the universe. Maybe something good will happen to me after I wake up from my trance. Maybe I’ll finally be able finish my drawing of Jacob’s ladder.
“Allison.” Huh? What was that? Just your paranoid mind playing tricks on you. Relax. You’re fine. All the windows and doors are closed and locked. Nobody’s in the house . . . I think. “Allison . . .” Okay, now I know I heard something that time. But how would a burglar know my name?
“Who — who’s there? What do you want?”
“Go to your church and kneel at the altar.”
“Who’s there?!” What is going on? “Answer me! Who’s there?”
“Go to your church and kneel at the altar.” Okay . . . let’s just go along with this, Allie. It’s not far to the chapel; only a couple of miles. It’s not even cold outside tonight, and you need the exercise. You’ve been neglecting to do it for the past few days.
“Where is my helmet? Oh, what’s the difference? Its not like anybody will run me over.” Right? Oh, well. We’ve all got to die anyway. Some just sooner than later.
“Ack!” That was a close call! “Watch where you’re going! Thanks a bunch, buddy!” Why do they put those bad drivers on the road, anyway? Probably just some guy who thinks he’s all that to be driving in a camero. Nobody pays attention to the road anymore.
“Ow! Why’d this tree have to jump out in front of me?!” Great! Now my pants leg is torn . . . and, oh great, my knee is skinned! My hand hurts too . . . and my head is bleeding. Well, I’m almost there. I’ll be fine if I die in the church. At least I can confess to God and die pure. I just don’t get why I’m the only one who ever goes in that little thing. Maybe I’m just special.
“I’m here! Hello? Anybody here?” Oh yeah, right. Nobody ever comes in here. Nobody’s around. Nobody to hear you scream . . . .
Oh, stop it, Allison Colleen Davis. You’ll just scare yourself again. You’re too good at freaking yourself out. Remember that Halloween that you scared yourself silly thinking that a vampire was following you? Stop thinking the Blair Witch lives here.
“Hello, Allison.” Oh, boy! How’d that guy sneak up on me so softly? He nearly gave me a heart attack! I think he scared forty years out of me! Oh, boy! But wait . . . his voice sounds familiar . . ..
“Who are you? Tell me!” Oh yeah, like he’s gonna answer that demand. Get real. Okay, just stay calm! Don’t twitch a muscle!
“Gabriel. Thank you for listening to me. I have very important news; you are going to die today—very shortly.”
“Are others going to die with me?” What a stupid question. Of course others are going to die! Hundreds of people die every day.
“Yes. Ten minutes.”
“What in the world are you talking about, Gabriel?” Gabriel. Gabriel?! “Wait a second . . . It can’t be . . . as in the messenger of God? And angel appearing to me? No possible way! Huh-uh! You’ve got your people crossed.” And he’s a total hottie at that! Oh shut up! Why do you insist on basing everything on looks?
“Yes. Angels are appearing to the holiest people in all the communities around the world, in the shape of the messenger of their God.”
“Holy? Me? No way! I’m no saint. Please, find somebody else. Some priest or bishop or something.” This is too freaky. It’s got to be a practical joke. I’ve never been shown a miracle or . . . whatever the saints have happen to them.
“No. You are the one. You are the only one who ever comes into this church. You have never taken the Lord’s name in vain, sworn or cursed vilely. You are a wonderful, God-fearing person.” Is this how Mary felt when Gabriel appeared to her? Or was she overjoyed at the thought of being Jesus’ mother? Was she scared of the future like I am now? Or was she positive that her life would be perfect; never a bad thing said to her?
“Am I going to Heaven?” Oh yeah, good question Allie. No! You’re not! Hello? Weren’t you listening to a thing he just said? Of course you’re going to heaven. I hope.
“Yes, you are, because you are honest, good and reasonable. You are a beautiful woman of God and you should be proud of all your achievements.” Why do I want to cry? I haven’t cried since I was three, not even two years ago when Theo . . . when Theo . . . .
“Will anybody else know? Will anybody else here know?”
“No. Nobody else will know. Nobody will care. Nobody will be concerned, for they are all celebrating. They are all going to go where they belong.”
“Will my death be brief and painless or will it be slow and agonizing?” Stop asking so many questions, Allie. Just get over it; you’re going to die today. What does it matter how you die? I don’t think you would really want to know anyway, especially if it was bloody and gory like in the movies.
“Brief. Painless. Do not fear loss of life. You shall fly up to heaven and be placed in God’s arms.”
“How? How do I die?”
“I cannot tell you.”
“Why?”
“I cannot tell you.”
“Now I’m scared. How do I know you’re an angel? How do I know that you’re not a demon, sent here to torture me before I die?” My hand! Why does it have a hole in it? It hurts so badly! So does my head, my side and my feet . . . and I’m bleeding even worse than before, when I hit that tree.
Stigmata . . ..
Woah, that thought appeared out of left field . . . it sounded more like someone said it in my voice in my head. I’m officially creeped out now.
“Would a demon appear to you in a holy place?” Why am I so nervous? Calm down, Allie-girl. Why is the chapel suddenly so distorted by darkness? If I’m not scared, why is my stomach doing a Mexican jumping bean thing? Why are my hands suddenly so clammy, my arms and legs so weak . . .
“I’m so scared, Gabriel. I’m so scared. I don’t want to die. I want to stay and . . . and live. Death scares me . . . it has since . . . since Theo . . . .”
“You’ll be fine, Allison.” How did he know I needed a hug? Why am I sobbing so hard? Why are my muscles twitching so uncontrollably? I haven’t cried since I was three. Even two years ago, at age thirteen, when Theo, my best friend, took his own life, my eyes were dry. Oh, I miss him so much! “Do not be afraid. Your guardian angel is right here next to me. But I’ll stay with you if it will make you feel better . . .”
“Yes . . . please, don’t let me go ‘till it’s all over. And tell Lilian to stay with me.” Lilian. So that’s my guardian angel’s name. I’ve always wondered what her name was.
“Lilian and I will stay with you until this is all over. Only one more minute. Be brave, Allison.” He’s so strong. I want to stay in his arms like this forever. I love how his eyes twinkle; those beautiful blue eyes. I love how his blonde hair seems like a halo. . . He’s so strong and powerful, like Theo was . . .
“Is Theo in heaven? He had this major emotional breakdown and . . . and he cried. He actually cried. I never thought that he could cry. I didn’t even realize how depressed he was over losing his mom. Then he slit his wrists and . . .” Okay, now I’m sobbing harder. Thinking about it won’t ease my mind, but I’ve just got to know. All that blood that I saw . . . all the pain that chewed my heart to bits . . .. I prayed for him, I truly did; I don’t want to be divided forever.
“Theo is in Purgatory, trying to decide what he believes in. He’s praying for you. You will be able to see him sooner or later.” I never said goodbye to him . . . And I never told him that I love him. But I’ll be able to see him again. I can hug him and kiss him and love him. Eternally.
“Thank you. I’m not so scared anymore.”
Lights . . . bright lights . . . .
