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Yeah...nice for my first entry huh? Guess I just want to vent somewhere right now. I've vented to an actual person already but it didnt help all that much, my heart is hurting and I really dont know what to do about it. Guess start from what happened huh?

It may not seem like much to most people, but my best friend and I had a fight today. I hate fighting with her. I hate it so much possibly because she holds whats left of my shattered heart. Yeah I know...how cheesy that is. Saying that someone holds whats left of your heart sounds like you love them or something right? Well thats cause I do. I love her. If you read this know that I love you. Not in a relationship way of course, but in the highest sense a friendship can have.

You got angry at me, probably because I'm an idiot, a b***h, a know-it-all, and because you expect more from me then anyone else has ever expected of me before and I'm not able to deliver all the time.

You hurt my feelings yes. Will I get over it? Well I really hope I do, I hope we both get over this because i dont want to be left heartless forever. Right now I'm the closest I've been to crying over something in my own life then I have been in a very long time. Hell you may be angry because I have so much self-pity. Or at least you think I do.

Anyways I'm digressing, You got angry at me for something idiotic that I said, your staying angry at me because I somehow insulted you. You told me to let you be angry. Well how about this?

I'm terrably sorry about this. But I am a very selfish person, and so are you...its probably why we get along so well usualy. But I hate hurting like this, and I want the pain to stop, hell I'd do anything to stop hurting.

This fight might not have hurt so bad should have I not started thinking of my father and how he died last year and how thats how my heart started to slowly crumble, and that being why I probably immersed myself in the world that we created and put my heart there and with you so that it would be preserved in some way. I was completely immersed before, but it grew...probably to a unhealthy level actualy. I only wish to please you and thats all I want. I want to make you happy, makeing you angry makes me feel like I'm dying even more inside.

I suppose I've vented enough. Though, I only hope that I have told my feelings well enough that at least someone slightly understands however small their understanding may be. I'm an over dramatic person maybe, but I've told my feelings in the only way I know how right now.

I'll soon be lonely, with my mother away for two days and you angry with me I'm not sure how it will work out. Maybe I've done something horrible and I'm paying for it. Maybe the fates are saying I have yet to suffer enough yet in my life and their trying to catch me up with all the suffering at once. One can only hope that tomorrow will be a possibly brighter day.