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I hate my constant confusion and pleading this world is a piece of s**t... I've been up all night. No I've been up for days pondering, anayzling, and figuring. I have found some answers that only bring me more puzzlement. If you ask the people that know me about me they would tell you I'm a dramtic, loud, bold and compassionate person. I don't let people walk over me and I'm not afraid to let someone know I'm angry with them. But you know something? I'm afraid of my own boyfriend. I've been afraid of males all my life but this is different. I'm afraid to do anything that might set him off in any kind of way. I tip toe around my boyfriend the way you would tie top around a angry pregnant woman. Caz you know if you make one wrong step or word one sentence wrongly she's gonna pick up the closest object and chuck it at ya.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what I will say when I talk to him. Like should I tell him about what happened to me today. But it would not be the fact that I don't know if I should tell him or not but more of a will he car? Will he get pissed at something I did unexpectantly? Will he even listen? I know my reasons for dating my boyfriend but I'm not sure of his or if my reasons are right. Consider the situtation around which my boyfriend and I got together...

Is it so bad to want to be in a relationship with some who cares for you? Who will come see you... Who will call you? Lately in the way that things have been going I don't think he cares about me or wants to see me at all. And let the world end the day he calls me to actually talk to me not just for informal reasons or the fact that he is bored and I'm his last hope. I feel like I'm his pet sometimes not his girlfriend... Maybe not even a pet just something he tolerated. I don't know I still have a lot to think about so I'm just gonna leave it at that...