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Who worries more then me?

Who would ppl worry about?
Family?
friends?

I worry about a lot of things.
Worry about my sister,
worry about my son,
worry about my mom,
worry about my dad
and worried about being a mom

I always ask myself,
"I am a good mom for my baby boy?"
or
"I am a good older sister for my sister?"
because I don't think I am.....

I think I should've done more
but I can't change the past.
I even say things that I regret,
I don't really mean it, it just comes out.

I know I need help
but I clam up when some1 holds out their hand
I clam up even to those close to me,
I try to do so many things that I even lose sight of why I care so much
that I end up pushing every1 away

I want to be saved from myself,
this existence of darkness,
this loneliness,
this empty feeling
but its hard to let go of all thats happened

I may say things like "Leave me alone"
but really, I'm saying deep in my heart "Save me please I'm scared help me"
sometimes I want to shout it out and hope some1 hears me.