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my heart races,
wondering if i should do something,
just out of this spark i feel between us.
i ponder but still avoid it,
to afraid to do anything about it.
everyday i still think of you,
wondering if there is time left,
to start anything that could be,
or end up ending what was already great.

a thousand stars go by,
i wish i could just fly,
so i could get them all.
they are so high...
i wish i could get help...a little help,
just to get at least one star,
so that one of my dreams would come true.

star
light
dark
night
angel
spark
luminous
shadow
hidden
love
passion
dream
wish
secret
[been thinking of new sns for yahoo, xanga, msn, aim, gaia, blah blah]~i havent founda new sn that actually "AVAILABLE" =,=;


http://www.metropcs.com/services/currentPlans.shtml (place for metropcs plans)~~i want a new metro phone next year...and plan. heh.
kool/ok/funky stuff been happening. blah blah. gaia~i'm taking a very long break, people logging in for me to keep it alive for fun.
stuff running through my head like...
i don't want to go to school tomorrow. lol.

you are always in my mind,
every bit and part of me.
when i look at you,
dreams fill my eyes,
i feel calm and happy,
by just being around you.
safe and secureness,
a light shines above you,
as an angel flys by,
i only can see you.
parting is such a grief,
but i pray to see you soon,
the one holding my dreams,
and leaving me with the hope,
the hope that we'll be together,
forever,
you and I.
-----
all those times we've shared,
all those memores we've had,
i never though that it would be like this,
but right now i am glad,
that we had that spark to start,
and i pray for us not to be apart,
only thinking of you,
going through the best of times,
and the unhappy ones as well,
just for us to be together,
through the thickest of whether,
to find out if what we both promised,
would be true.
--------
hope and love,
something each person has.
it seems that once it's lost,
there is no turning back.
untrue as it is,
people believe it so,
but all they have to do is believe.
through life and death,
if you have nothing left,
you must believe with all your heart,
no matter what you're going through,
no matter how hard it is to hold on,
believe that it will be all ok.
-------------
the piano plays,
i hear its melody,
and wish to sing along,
but i can not.
i hear the timy voice,
the one that can not rival others,
and so i keep listening,
and admire the ones singing,
along with the one playing the piano,
knowing that,
one day,
i will be able to do that to.
if only i coud go behind the piano,
and play along with the pianist,
while practicing each note,
and to follow the lead of the singers...
just to fulfill that dream would be life enough..
--------------
i watch others go by,
just outside my window,
walking past by hand in hand,
close together,
sharing each other's warmtth and love.
as a tear falls down,
i look up at the sky,
just to ask why.
my life has been a burden to my own self,
just trying to continue on with each passing day,
and watching the sun and stars go across the sky.
something has always been missing,
which can not be touched,
but can only be felt.
if only something were to happen to me,
to revitalize me,
to the thriving self i used to know,
to enjoy the countless days of life,
and to not let a second slip by,
while keeping things together for myself.
memories run through my mind,
looking for the answers to my questions,
trying to escape the sadness that I hold.
---------------
yeah, many , kinda useless poems. =D lol
i haven't been blogginng for a while. just letting life pass by. my plans are to get better and blah blah blah for winter break. wow, i might actually exercise. aha....no! lol. a few sit ups here and there. surgery tomorrow...not like it's a big deal, cuz it's tiny, but i'm not really good with pain. lol.
stuff going through mind, can only express with these things i pass off as "poems". i have a habit of comparing myself to everyone else. i like so many things, but i just can't seem to pick one the to be good at. each person i know has their own hobby/talent that they focus solely on, which i look up to 'em for it, but i feel a sense of jealousy or weakness just cuz they're better. i wish i was isolated and left alone for a long time...just to develop my skills at my own rate.

falling in love with someone..would...rock! lol. well, looking at myself within my thoughts, i would say that i would want someone that everyone else would want, but perfect match in sun and chinese zodiac signs, same religion-ish, ethnicity, mmm..lil shorter, one to marry in the future ..blah blah blah. that's what I would want. so, i'll wait till i'm...21-25...hahaha. what's the point of dating if you haven't already. well, if you just wana do it to have fun, something might happen. lol. *counter attack* ~"but that's the point of having a relationship, to take chances and stuff" ~what's the point if all you do is possibly ending up hurting the other person, since you just wana have fun *counter* "at least you had good memories of that person and gave them a good reason to end the relationship" ~you still hurt the person, and might end up making a mess which they'd proly include friends with, so that they'll all hate you *counter* "hmmmm....you don't know till you try" ~ true....
blah blah blah

each time i fall for someone, as small as a crush, i'd fall very hard. isn't that interesting? even that person that i'd have a lil crush on, i'd still carry it on with me for a very long time .. lol. i have a habbit of doing that. probably, cuz, i haven't experienced anything, and i just want to see how it feels for myself, to have a different outlook in life, "share" it with someone. that's why, i force myself to hold it till i get older, cuz i don't want to waste it and make a big a** mess. @@ there's some odvious signs if you were to see me around someone i like. ok, jan jan noticed that..haha. is Uly that odvious?

blah.....BLAH....i think too much...haha. ~_~ meh....i haven't felt crap like this for long time, so bleh. heh. oh no, Uly's growing up! hahaha. instead of carrying these feelinggs and making myself sadder, i should bombard myself with work and stuff......but, i wish i could express myself in some way. just typing in this journal and s**t won't really make me happy. i was bout to type something kinda, ineteresting, but, nah. haha.

these thoughts come trough my mind during the day, i wish that stuff would happen, then i think bout it a lot/get all emotional and crap that time. . . . . .sorry, i'm still thinking....hahaha. yeah. then in the morning, i feel partially energetic and stuff, not really paying attention to those thoughts, but come back to them later on in the day, and mkae a sad face or s**t. blah blah blah.

even in church, i say to myself thati i'll try to live life alone and have fun... then adopt a child and raise it with all my love, become a teacher...blah blah. haha. seriously, that's what i'd possibly do. a child is a big responcibility, but so is being in love with another/commitment/marriage. blah blah.

someone to have fun with by day, romance by evening/night, and fun up to early morning ;D hahahaha!...

quote: "...and he started to say he loved me. i got all freaked out" ..other people "iw! *gasp*.....to me....i'd feel sorry for that guy. lol. ate[h] cesel said same thing...she said we're like more 'deep' than them....lol... heh heh. @@ that was convo of friend blah blah and other people around her. lol

i think i should stop with the mushy stuff in my brain. lol.

i tried to improve my drawings. i drew an angel holding a keyblade to guide her back home with a door behind the shirtless angel with muscles...cuz stephanie went to el salvador wif mom & cindy to see relatives. :3 i hope they all come home safely. but, i was kinda fond of that drawing, even though it was sketchy. lol. i'm trying to draw the angel gesturing with a hand to the door, which is open this time....but so far, rough draft kinda ugly. oh well, i have 2 weeks. lol.

#6 DJ ChiNo - I'll Remember You ~ Dha GBz
"i'll remember you" http://www.soundclick.com/genres/ChartsSub.cfm?Genre=Electronica&Subgenre=70
i listening to tat song. sounds like britney spears performing it..iono. lol. i likey teh song. lol.

*chats online*

la la la...
i rhink....i wana ....sleep...now...bye...Lol..@@