The time passes me by as if i were standing still i feel as though their are no days only long night when i cant sleep.i turn and turn yet cant fall asleep i have everything thats happened and things i should be doing tomorrow running through my mind
How am i soposed to live normally?? when i have another life, a hidden life, i hide in myself blockin out all the screamin and dispointment without anyone to pull me back i lay there dreamin of a place that doesnt exist anymore and people that are long gone.
stuck in past memories i cant see the present living in lie from my so called family and friends my own mate doesnt understand but y would he i keep everything so locked up and away from even myself just goingon wth everyday looking forward to nothing cause thers nothing there
To be stuck in a hell u cant escape till death ,u deal and block things out but the only joy i get from life is reading and watching movies of the middles ages that reminds me so much of my past thinking that maybe somewhere out there thers a plce i can go to disapear and go home and see my brother and uncle even my adopted son John.
22,000 thosand years i have lived and i dont know everything i dont y i was left here abanned my family died and i was kept from the truth about them and myself at just 2 years of age these humans could tell i was different from others
If it wasnt my abilty to learn so quickly or swimming or my choice of toys or books they noticed later about how all lil boys were afarid of me because i was stronger than them.
later in middle school i learned to hide it and act more girly like others and learned music and hung out with the populars well that didnt last long i found the love of football and playing with boys who could keep up with me
then high school i couldnt understand y people betrayed each other no honor boys were rude and violent no like knights of old girls were all made up and fake about everything not the simple girls i knew
time went into a blur by junior year i remeber little of it cause i spent everyday doing the same thing and stop going to school cause i had been betrayed by a boy and then just didnt feel i had anything to live for
Then i started acontinuation school i liked it well enough made 3 very good friends and saw one old one thats when i met my mate a year and three months ago tomorrow i loved again and had a reason to live and try to do beter then Azkul came crashin into my life he did when i first met him lol
I couldnt remember us being together and got furstrated when i couldnt see him so i choose to be with michael my mate now i feel as though i owe him everything for what i did to him not because he loves me not because i love him but because i have enough honor to feel regret at such a betrayal to another
he has a mate now too i feel like my heart is confused and being torn from the inside when anyone talks of him i try not to show it cause my mate gets mad when i defend him
i hate that i have to hide things from him hes my whole life im be dead a long time ago without him if he die i would too i love him that much i cant stand it that we fight about stupid things and that we hav to be so different and hav such different opinions
it was so much easier with Azkul i didnt see him as much and we didnt talk much unless it ws important and didnt pry into eachothers serects knowing it better for them to remain hidden i raised adopted son with him took him in as if he were ours and we did love each other
he turned his back on his fmaily to be with me and his race to be with me demons and hunters dont mix but we didnt care we had no one else that cares we shared that lonelyness I dont know if he loved me as much as i did him
I would of done anything for him i would take the fall for him i would protect him and my son as he did for me and i would of killed for him things could never go right no matter how much we loved each other
someone was always after us either cause we were never meant to be togethr cause of race or his family trying to kill me cause of some stupid stone that i dont even have anymore
he tried to push me away saying he was a demon and i was a hunter i shouldnt love him i should kill him like all demons that he never loved me i knew it all to be a lie but im not the kind of person that would just give up but i couldnt see him and gave up and left him for my mate his own brother..............................................................but
heart UNTIL THE DAY I DIE HE WILL BE IN MY HEART heart
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kira-the-hunter's Journal
My life as it was !!!!
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