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I pride myself in being a tolerant, fair and generally pleasant person. But it seems to me that people simply don't understand what being emotionally impaired, schizophrenic and afflicted with explosive rage means for me. I don't oft speak of my feelings, chiefly because i really don't have any, but the thing is, the few feelings that i can manage don't seem to be enough. Living with these things puts me at a steep disadvantage with other people. Its hard, some days. Waking up and plastering an easy smile on my face, then trying so hard to keep up with everyone else's rampant emotions. Lately, I've been very isolated, and for awhile now that has dealt some serious blows to my mental health. See, I'm a people person, in that I need other people to keep me grounded. I use all of my not inconsiderable force of will keeping my mental disorders at bay, and as my isolation grew, so to did my inability to feel. Being a scizo is hard enough but try to think.. I'm going to be fighting insanity for the rest of my life without the ability to feel personal comfort or being able to retreat to a happier place in my mind. Tell me how it really feels to know peace, joy and triumph. If it feels like i imagine, i suppose that is the solace of man. I don't really know why i am typing all of this. Perhaps because I just need to let it out. If you've read up to this point, thank you for taking the time. It really means alot to me.