This is based on a post I made in a thread that a person wanted to know other's relationship confessions; as I typed mine out I started to think I wanted him to read it...so I decided to post the entirety here, with the edited part in the person's thread.
<span id="test33206809">. . .</span><br/><div id="post33206809" style="display:none; margin-right:75px;">
I only resisted so much at the beginning because I was so afraid and the timing was horrible, a fact even you have come to admit. It was as if we got tested right from the beginning; we did not have an easy time of it at all and things just kept going wrong...I started to think something was trying to keep us apart at a certain point, just because it seemed as if it was one clusterfrak after another. But I wanted to be with you too bad and you know how I am about being told no; if I want something I keep going for it and damn the consequences. I have a firm belief that if it is worth having it is worth suffering for...and baby, we suffered.
I was also tired of being the one that did everything in a relationship. All my "relationships" when we met were more parasitic in nature and the last thing I needed or wanted in my life was another leech. It was not anything you did; it was all me and the people I had around me. It was just bad timing- so many things were ending and you got pulled in at the worst possible time. I am truly sorry for those times and how I acted. I should not have acted as I did; I should have just sat down and been honest about how much I was hurting but I had too much pride and thought I could just fix everything by refusing to admit I was hurting.
I got humbled really fast.
Now, years later, here we are and I am so thankful every day I wake up that you put up with me and held on no matter how hard it got, no matter how mean or thoughtless or careless I was.
You really are my dream come true. Thank you for being all that you are. I am not sure you will ever be able to realize how important you are to me, how much I care about you. Not in this life, at least. I am glad you never let go.
</div><span id="test33206809">. . .</span><br/><div id="post33206809" style="display:none; margin-right:75px;">
I only resisted so much at the beginning because I was so afraid and the timing was horrible, a fact even you have come to admit. It was as if we got tested right from the beginning; we did not have an easy time of it at all and things just kept going wrong...I started to think something was trying to keep us apart at a certain point, just because it seemed as if it was one clusterfrak after another. But I wanted to be with you too bad and you know how I am about being told no; if I want something I keep going for it and damn the consequences. I have a firm belief that if it is worth having it is worth suffering for...and baby, we suffered.
I was also tired of being the one that did everything in a relationship. All my "relationships" when we met were more parasitic in nature and the last thing I needed or wanted in my life was another leech. It was not anything you did; it was all me and the people I had around me. It was just bad timing- so many things were ending and you got pulled in at the worst possible time. I am truly sorry for those times and how I acted. I should not have acted as I did; I should have just sat down and been honest about how much I was hurting but I had too much pride and thought I could just fix everything by refusing to admit I was hurting.
I got humbled really fast.
Now, years later, here we are and I am so thankful every day I wake up that you put up with me and held on no matter how hard it got, no matter how mean or thoughtless or careless I was.
You really are my dream come true. Thank you for being all that you are. I am not sure you will ever be able to realize how important you are to me, how much I care about you. Not in this life, at least. I am glad you never let go.
