*Warnings: Very suggestive themes, a few swear words
*Suggested Listening: Facing the Mirror by Isaac Shepard
----------------------------------------
.Five.
'Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.'
.Five.
'Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.'
Gene was 15 when he lost his virginity; really, though, that was only the tip of the ice burg.
His partner, a handsome seventh-year Ravenclaw male named Drew, told Gene that he had had his eye on him for quite some time, seeing him around school with Tophe. Upon hearing that from Gene, immediately Tophe told him the older male couldn’t be trusted. It sounded…weird, almost too convenient that one of the hottest guys in Ravenclaw would approach someone younger than him, much less someone in their fifth-year. No offense, of course.
Drew had smiled at Gene, called him handsome and absolutely charming for his age. How could he not notice someone like Gene, especially when the blond had been caught a few times looking at Drew? Gene’s heart fluttered at the weight of that compliment, and flushed hotly upon realizing he’d been caught watching the other male too.
It’d been so unbelievable. Not only had a seventh-year actually noticed him, but flirted with him, a fifth year! Gene had felt his pride swell up as Drew proceeded to ask him, on that day (his 15th birthday, no less), if they could possible hang out more. Gene couldn’t say no, why would he? It felt powerful, being doted on and hanging around someone older and wiser than him like Drew. They had to keep things low-key, on Drew’s insistence, because ‘others wouldn’t understand the special connection they had’.
(A real load of shite.)
Looking back on those events, Gene knew Tophe had every right to suspect something of the Ravenclaw. Drew was handsome, and knew how to talk to people. Gene couldn’t see past his own idiot pride to see Drew’s true intentions. Tophe had seen right through him the moment Drew approached Gene and saw him for what he really had been. Needless to say, Gene had disregarded Tophe’s constant warnings, which caused the best mates to avoid each other for a good whole month.
Had Gene been older, he would’ve known better, or even heed Tophe’s suspicions. He’d been nothing but young and foolish at the time, and if he’d only listened to his best mate, and not the raging hormones, Gene would’ve saved himself a world of hurt…
After a month or so of hanging out, Drew finally asked Gene if he could be his first. Gene, of course, was floored by the request, which had been asked after a tender make-out session at Hogsmeade. The thought of someone other than himself touching him…down there both scared and delighted Gene. Plus, Drew seemed so experienced, the way he kissed and touched Gene. He’d be ashamed of himself if he wasn’t a good shag his first time around.
Drew had been gentle and patient, even when Gene accidentally came early while being sucked off. Soft, teasing touches and reassuring, yet downright dirty words had the blond writhing and crying out for more. It was a good thing they found a room at The Three Broomsticks, where none of their friends could see or hear them, or Gene would’ve been rather embarrassed of every wanton moan and gasp he made that day.
(Tophe doesn’t know they shagged, only that they kissed and were 'together'. Gene is forever grateful that Tophe never asked, even to this day.)
After their ‘first time together’, Gene and Drew had quite a few more flings in the duration of a month (the same month that Gene and Tophe avoided each other). Sometimes, Drew was a rough lover, leaving finger-shaped bruises on Gene’s slight hips and a limp in his step. Other times, Gene’s orgasm was teased and staved off by a playful Drew, until Gene was practically begging to be ********.
Most of the time, though, Drew was a gentleman to Gene when they shagged; he touched the places that counted the most, kissed the fifth-year with fiery passion, and made sure Gene’s needs always came first (pun intended).
Gene loved all of it. Every bite and hickey that Drew left on him, every teasing touch that lingered and seared, the Slytherin couldn’t get enough of the seventh-year. He was like a drug; he couldn’t stop shagging with Drew, no matter how many suspicious looks Tophe gave him. The attention made him heady with pride, fueled his vanity and boosted his ego.
Their shagging wasn’t always used to pleasure each other; Drew made sure Gene learned a thing or two about good sex. He was taught how to stretch and lube himself without breaking eye contact with his partner. He learned how to give a good b*****b by relaxing his throat at just the right moment. Gene absorbed everything and anything Drew demonstrated for him, all the way down to how not to get caught fooling around by the professors.
The trouble arrived shortly after a month and a half of flings with each other. One evening after dinner, a female Gryffindor approached Gene privately and, quite frankly, told the blond that if he didn’t stop fooling around with her boyfriend (a cold lump of confusion had settled in Gene’s throat; what damn boyfriend?!), there would certainly be hell to pay.
The Slytherin had felt something strike at his heart. Hard and painful, like someone had just shoved him down the stairs. It made Gene too shocked to speak, even after the girl had stormed away to leave him wide-eyed with confusion. He went to Drew the next day after dinner, brushed off his kisses angrily and demanded answers. “Who was that girl? Why did she call you her ‘boyfriend’? You’re with me, have been for two whole months! She’s lying, right?!”
…Right?
(In the back of his mind, Gene could hear Tophe saying, ‘I told you so, idiot. You should’ve listened to me…’ Oh, did he wish he had.)
Apparently, Drew had found out that sometime during the summer, his girlfriend had cheated on him. It wasn’t the first time it had happened between them, but it had been, as Muggles would say, ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’. So he devised a plan to get back at her for it. Catching her in the act wouldn’t do; she didn’t learn her lesson the last time he caught her fooling around with another guy. He tried cheating on her with other girls, but it hadn’t been enough to spark any jealousy.
That’s when Drew saw Gene. Or really, his girlfriend’s reaction to seeing Gene around Hogwarts. Simply put, she just didn’t like that ‘sickeningly-adorable-completely-girly-looking’ Slytherin. Drew knew then that he had to use Gene; the blond was perfect. Being with Gene would certainly teach his flighty girlfriend not to cheat on him anymore.
So he approached the blond teen and flirted with him. Sure, the best mate didn’t like him, much less trust him to be around Gene. However, the Ravenclaw knew if he put his best moves on Gene and wore him down, Tophe wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
All went according to plan; from hanging out with the blond to gain his trust to slowly easing him into what Gene thought was a ‘serious relationship’. Even shagging Gene had only been done to lull Gene into a false sense of security, so he wouldn’t be suspicious like Tophe.
Did he at least like Gene before his girlfriend showed dislike towards him? Drew had smiled sadly and that was all Gene needed to know before running all the way back to his dorm room and burying his head in his pillow in humiliation.
How could he be so blind, so foolish with his trust and his feelings? Could he blame all of this on his greedy hormones? …No, what a stupid excuse. Hormones could be tamed, be controlled so that he would never have them exploited in such a disgusting way ever again. Never had he been so ashamed of himself until now. Not even his father’s words could come close to the pain he was feeling.
And Tophe! Oh Tophe…he saw it all before Gene did, and tried to warn him, but Gene had thrown it back in his face. A whole month of not talking with his best mate hurt even more than being cheated on.
Gene had risked 5 years of friendship over his first fling. What in the name of Merlin had he been thinking? Tophe was worth much more than some good-looking guy. What kind of friend was he, letting hormones and pride get the better of him? A very sorry and stupid one, that’s what.
He’d beg for forgiveness; Gene wouldn’t care how bad he looked while doing so. He’d grovel, damnit, if it came to that. He couldn’t lose Tophe, especially not this way. Gene cared too much about Tophe, almost as much as he cared about himself. (Perhaps even more.)
He’d never admit that he had cried that night…but that pillow felt a little damp when he woke up in the morning. Gene didn’t know if Tophe really would forgive him, after Gene practically ditched him for Drew. He didn’t know what would happen to him if Tophe wasn’t by his side. ‘Probably get myself in more stupid situations with people like Drew,’ thought Gene as he made his way to breakfast.
Ever since he started hanging out with Drew, Gene hadn’t sat with Tophe like he used to during breakfast or dinner. He sighed and looked forlornly at the Hufflepuff table, searching for a familiar head of dirty blond hair. Gene saw his mate (if he could still call him such) sitting next to Remy and sighed. Tophe looked so happy, chatting happily with the other blond.
Hazel eyes met blue across the room. Gene felt a lump in his throat rise and tried to convey his apology through the look in his eyes. How sorry he was for not listening to him, and that he’d been such a horrible friend over the past month. Gene missed him, and needed him more than ever. After another moment, Gene looked away and went on with his breakfast. He tried forcing himself to approach the other blond throughout the day, but whenever he saw Tophe’s face Gene lost his nerve and ended up avoiding him more.
The blond Slytherin endured the rest of the week like that: barely paying attention in his classes, clamming up around his other friends, and keeping himself busy with his studies. He’d almost been glad when the weekend came around, for it was another weekend closer to the Christmas holiday, but he was sorely reminded of Drew when he went out to Hogsmeade. He ended up wandering around aimlessly, not even bothering to stop at Honeydukes, in case he bumped into Drew or Tophe. He really felt like crying, damn it, but he couldn’t muster up any other emotion past the dull pain in his heart.
Dinner came around, and Gene was surprised the Hufflepuff table kept giving him curious glances. He ignored them, since he’d been used to their weird stares over the years, and ate his dinner in relative silence. That is, until he felt someone plop unceremoniously next to him and nudged his elbow, causing him to spill some of his pumpkin juice on his sleeve.
Gene turned to snap at said person, scathing comment on his lips…that immediately died at the sight of Tophe, giving him a smile that Gene hadn’t received in so long.
It simply said, ‘It’s okay. I forgive you.’
Gene had felt that lump in his throat return. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards, and had they not been in the Great Hall Gene would’ve thrown his arms around Tophe and just sob into his shoulder like no tomorrow. He felt something warm swell up in his chest, happiness he guessed, as he watched Tophe dab a napkin at Gene’s sleeve while telling him about the things in Tophe's life Gene had missed in the past month.
Gene realized he hadn’t felt this happy even when he and Drew shagged; oh Merlin, was he ever happy to have things back to normal.
Later that night, Gene found out that Drew ended up in the Hospital Wing with a broken nose and a black eye, sometime before dinner during the visit to Hogsmeade. How peculiar, but appropriate. If Gene hadn't been feeling so happy over reuniting with Tophe, he would've said Drew deserved a whole lot worse. This would do, though. For now.
(Gene told Tophe all of this the next day at breakfast, to which Tophe just smiled and chuckled knowingly.)
- TBC -
