*Warning: Lots of crying, self-deprecation (on Gene's part), suggested child abuse (only one line, but you can interpret it however you like).
*Suggested Listening: Isaac Shepard - Gentle
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.Three.
’I ask not for lighter burdens, but for broader shoulders (and a stronger will).’
.Three.
’I ask not for lighter burdens, but for broader shoulders (and a stronger will).’
Gene is 13 and has never been so furious at his father than right now.
He also feels like crying, but he’s a bloody boy and everyone knows big boys don’t cry when their dad tells them they don’t like their best mate because he’s not only 'a filthy gay' (Gene flinches, but remembers they’re still talking about Tophe.), but a ‘lowly mudblood’.
He remembers how kind and sweet his mother had been to Tophe when he first arrived at his manor. They had tea while Gene was busy cleaning up his mess in the private library. When he came down and out into the veranda where they were, Gene saw his mother smiling and laughing at something Tophe had said. She caught Gene’s eye (he’d been standing behind Tophe) and smiled.
In that motherly tone of her’s, she said to Tophe, “You’re quite the young man. I hope you and Gene continue to look after each other.”
(Both boys blushed, and Gene was lucky Tophe hadn’t turned around at that moment.)
That sweet moment…it seemed to fade to black when Gene remembers his father’s harsh words. It was after they’d eaten a quiet dinner, when the elder Darlington called his son up to his private study. Needless to say, his father didn't waste any time insulting Tophe and making Gene squirm and sink in his seat with embarrassment. His father was traveling to Germany for work-related reasons, and if Tophe was still in their house when he got back...Gene shudders hard at what would happen to him. (It always hurt so much, when his father went through with his threats...)
Later, when they were getting ready for bed, Gene told Tophe he had to go to Germany with his father to visit some sick relatives, so Tophe would have to go home earlier than planned. Tophe was very understanding, even though Gene was sure Tophe knew that he was lying through his teeth.
He has to remember not to make any noise, or he’ll wake up Tophe, whose sharing his bed since Gene refused to let him sleep in the guest room on his first visit to his house. The other blond fell asleep the moment he laid down in the massively-soft bed, and Gene can hear the soft sounds of breath entering and leaving his best friend. He doesn’t want to disrupt his peaceful dreams.
It’s hard though, because Gene’s just so angry (at his father) and sad (for himself) and feeling so many other things, he doesn’t realize he really is crying until he feels the wet trail of tears edging down the corners of his eyes. He frowns and rubs at his eyes and cheeks in frustration, tries to will away the tears. But they won’t stop coming; if anything, they just kept running down his cheeks. Gene shifts and moves to his side so he isn’t facing Tophe, burying his face in the pillow in an attempt to dry them.
He tries, tries very hard, to keep himself from just sobbing though. His mother’s words, after Tophe left the veranda to go to the bathroom, were soothing, but they only made him cry harder. (‘Such a good boy…he’s a keeper, dear, he really is…’) Her words clash horribly with his father’s (‘A disgusting, filthy mudblood…how dare you let a f*****t, a muggle-born in this house! In your life!)
He buries his head further into the pillows. Gene cares too much about what his parents tell him and not enough of what he himself thinks of his best mate. His father’s words remind him of what the other Slytherins say about Tophe to him. They aren’t the kindest bunch of people by a long shot; Gene is never in a good mood after someone makes fun of him and Tophe. He feels aggravated and useless that he can’t do more to defend Tophe. He just doesn’t feel good enough when he's with his best mate. He wishes—
Gene freezes. The room is dead silent.
s**t.
He feels the bed shift and dip more on his side of the bed, feels the solid body half-leaning over him to brush fingertips over the side of his head. “Gene...?” Gene tries to bury himself further into the pillow, to muffle out the sobbing, or at least asphyxiate himself out of pure embarrassment. It doesn’t work, only makes him cry harder. The bed shifts again. “Gene...something the matter? Are you awake...?” Gene doesn't answer.
The timid, yet worried tone makes Gene shake his head like a petulant 7-year-old. He doesn’t want to hear his friend sound so worried about him. It’s Gene’s (self-appointed) job to worry about Tophe’s safety, not the other way around. The only thing Tophe should worry about it what the next year will have in store for him.
He doesn’t want his best mate to worry about anything in Gene’s life because he tries his hardest not to draw too much attention to it.
Damn it, he tries. (But trying only gets one so far.)
Gene can feel arms encircling him, gently tugging him closer to the body behind him. They wrap around his torso in a comforting manner that makes the tears fall faster. He berates his lack of control over his emotions, and can feel them slipping and smashing into one another, molding and changing so fast that it makes Gene hurt more.
His heart feels like it’s about to burst, or just stop beating altogether. It burns in the most painful way that makes the sobs just tear through him and into the pillow. The room is quiet save for Gene's sobbing, and it makes Gene hate his weak heart even more than before.
Perhaps Tophe still thinks Gene is asleep, crying and sobbing because of a horrible nightmare. Or perhaps Tophe knows Gene is awake and knows his best mate will clam up, or cry even harder, if he tries talking to him about this. Either way, Gene can feel Tophe’s face buried in his hair, murmuring soft words of comfort, stroking his arm tenderly. It’s soothing, like the words of his mother, and sinks into his skin like the warmth radiating from Tophe’s body.
Gene focuses on the other blond’s soft voice and words instead of the pain and feels the tears falling slower, feels his body get heavier. When he wakes, he will still be a Slytherin sharing a bed with his best mate, the Hufflepuff. He will still be Gene, who must silently bear heavy burdens and hurtful judgments both when his father approaches him with disapproval and at school, surrounded by people who want him to change into something entirely different. (And does he ever change.)
When he wakes, he will try to keep the warmth from Tophe safely in his heart.
- TBC -
