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Quote of the Day:
To dream of the person you want to be is to waste the person you really are.

Yeah, so, I'm tired.....I mean, really tired.
Like my mind just went *flutter* and now its all gone.
So, I like Buck....I have since I was like 9.
Then Lauren decides to ask him out, which, I would have been ok, if not happy with, had she told me first. Because thats just common decency among friends. If your gonna ask out one of your best friends crushes, then you at least tell them first. She told kasey in third period that she wanted to ask him out, kasey, then telling her how obsessed I was with him, tells her that she should at least set up a "who ever gets him, gets him" rule. to which shes all like "No, she'll just run out and ask him immediately, and then I won't get my chance." So, without even telling me, she does the same thing that she said that "I" was
going to do and rushes out at lunch and asks him. then in french shes all happy and giddy and tells me in a sing song voice "Guess what." to which I natrually reply "what?" and shes all like "I got a daaatteee!" all happy. And you know, I was hapy for her, until I asked who it was and she saw my face and stopped cold mid-sentence. She knew that I was gonna ask him whether or not he could see me as a girlfriend or only as a friend on friday, and either way, I would be fine with his answer, but I just need a definite one because I so tired of being so bloody jealous of every girl that i see him with.

So then, kasey tells me that Buck didn't really even wanna give her his number and I get really sneaky and eventually work into one of our conversations about him and lauren dating, to which he replies "Lauren....No! Shes just a girl I randomly hug every now and then." And I'm happy and calm again, but just to piss off lauren, I keep giving her the silent treatment, which I know she can't stand. Well, today I decided that shed had enough and was gonna stop it after french class, but I was having a really bad day today because I just wasnt feeling very good and she interrupts me and sammi in mid-conversation, which really T's me off to know end, especially when I'm sick, so I tell her after she interrupts us several more times to shut the hell up, which basically ends all conversation. So, then she starts yelling at me in the hallway about it and I'm no longer mad at the buck situation, but because I don't feel like explaining to her, i stick with that story and call her a back-stabber or something of the sort and walk away because, you know, in the mood i was in and the way i was feeling, I would have punched her, without any reason or provocation at all. So, now were back to our stand-off and I'm having my talk with Buck Friday, maybe at patience's party, maybe after school. I don't know.

Kasey's just telling me to forget it because hes so bad in relationships and that It'll only last for a few months at most, but I don't really care. I want him, if only for a few days or so. She's just telling me to drop it and go out with Gibbletts, whom I still like for some unknow reason which made sense a few weeks ago, but now i can't remember.....but I won't. I refuse to go out with someone who I used to see as a brother and who said, just the other week, that he still saw me as a sister.
....only in alabama babe....only in alabama.

So, yeah, lacrosse is killing me and yesterday, to top of our oh so wonderful practice, mom decides to go to the gym with me where we work out for like an hour and a half, which, surprisngly, dosn't make me feel any better.
So, now I'm tired, it hurts to breathe, and my legs are killing me.

Today, Parker declared himself the Queen of France....and I didn't argue the point with him. Tiffany's stalker gave me free pizza on the condition that i try to talk Tiffany into not hating him, so I walk inside with my Pizza and say, "Tiffany, stop hating that boy." To which she replies, "No." and so then I shrug and say "Oh well, i tired." and sit down to enjoy the rest of my pizza guilt free.
You know, when I don't feel good, I sit back and watch people even more than I usually do....I'm a very observant person and I tend to notice things that noone else really takes into account and When I'm sick, I sit back more and notice even more aswell. I made a self assemssment today about my feelings towards people in general and my outcome was one word. "Pawns." Thats all I ever see other people as. I analyze as soon as I meet them, how they can help me or be of any use to me before I even have time to shake their hand. I use people, even without realising it I do. I don't mean to and often times, the people I'm using don't realise it either, but that dosn't really make me feel any better.

So, yeah, off to bed now. Night all.

-Tani