Merch wants me to be happy, so I am when I talk to her.
But deep inside, I'm never happy.
it's like there's this big gap, and it all wants to let loose.
So, when she gets off, I let it all out. I want to make my friends happy, so they don't put up with a crying b***h like me, and so far it's been good. But, I don't know how much longer I can take to hold this pressure. It's building up, and I feel as though someday it might just let out.
My mom wants me to spend more time with my family because in her words "my friend's aren't on 24/7 because they too have lives"
But I don't know what life I have. There's nothing great about my family at all. Spend-time together would be watching the medical channel and learning stuff over and over again. (Health isn't my favorite subject, either.) It should be watching soap opera's or having a sit down-discussion type thing.
If I should be so keen upon my family, then what should I do? I can't spend time with my two childish siblings because they ruin it all by their constant bickering, and I can't get anywhere without a headache.
Swimming's come to a close, and I'm not in the school team anyway. ( I chose not to be because I'm getting tired of having to stay after school.) I can't talk with Ivy or Karri because one's at home down in Mexico and Karri's always busy with other sports.
I can't hang out with Elani because all she does is sit and draw and do origami.
I'm like an oddball, I stick out and never really do fit in.
what upsets me more, is that I feel the same with my friends.
it depresses me more to realize that in all, I don't think it's them that's being the problem.
It's me.
