I long for snow... my yearning heart seeks the cold, bitter substance... the feel of ice against my warm flesh, the tasteless particle melting on my heated tongue... the shimmering of diamonds as the sun shines against the freshly fallen, unstained, pure surface... I long for snow.
But as I look into the depths of my complex heart... I find yet another fervent desire yearning to be fulfilled. So many wishes... so many longings... it seems nearly impossible to satisfy each and every hunger... some which I know will never be granted.
Oh how cruel love has been to me. It grasps my tender heart in it's wicked hands and constricts around the fragile organ, grinning in ultimate pleasure as cries and pleas pour from my bleeding lips. Stop it... stop it... yet it continues on squeezing...
It has been a year since I was graced with a true feeling of love... in the beginning, it was as if a new hope washed over me, devouring every fiber of my being with bliss and elation. As the months have passed by, that love has slowly dwindled... the once brightly glowing candle dimming into a weak, faint glow. I fear that one day it will no longer exist, and the one whom I love will fall apart... this is what love has done to me.
Even though my heart belongs to one... it yearns for another... the warming sensation of his fingers against my bear flesh... the soft feeling of his delicate lips pressing against my own... I long for his embrace, his soft words.. his devouring scent... I want more of it.
But I cannot have it... his feelings may be slightly mutual... but he too has one who claims his heart....
I have already caused her pain... not intentional of course... I could never do such a thing.. but I could not bear the thought of harming her once more. I'd rather bring a blade to my creamy flesh than be the cause of her suffering and tears. Please forgive me..? I cannot help who my heart yearns for... I am only human after all... aren't we all?
Perhaps I am simply too young... not prepared for such complex emotions... but at the same time, I am more matured within than one may realize. My exterior may be that of a young child (although I am 17) but my interior surpasses that of many adults I know. My wisdom surpasses my years... I have been told this many times...
I just wish I knew what to do... how do you go about resolving such a complex problem? Go with one and ignore the other? Or perhaps leaving both behind would be the best situation? The happiness of both of them is far more important than my own... as long as they are satisfied, I will find a way to carry on.
.... snow.... I long for snow... the pure, tasteless particle melting against my heated tongue... the feel of ice against my warm flesh... the shimmering of diamonds as the sun's glorious rays shines against the freshly fallen, unstained surface... I yearn for the cold, bitter substance.... I long for snow...
 Broken Advent Child · Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 06:39am · 1 Comments |
