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Maxi, our dog, has uteran cancer.
It sent Ryan into tears and heartbreak. He's had that dog for a long time so to see her go down tommorow is killing him.

His parents are not putting her down because it's uselss but because they just don't have the money for the operation. Ryan is completely enraged.

Thus he yelled at them yet again;
Dave for his gambling.. if he hadn't the problem, he'd have plenty of money.
Lisa for babying her 23 year old son.. if she kicked him out and made him stop sucking on her left breast while paying his court fees, then she'd had more than enough money.

But that's not all this has caused, it also brought up the death question. And I was faced with it last night. stressed


We laid there in bed together looking at each other face to face for seconds after he was done talking about maxi. Then he asked me;
"Bria-chan.. what would you do if I died..?"

Now I hate thses questions. Why? Because you never know what the hell is going to happen or how you are going to react until it does happen. So I answered as best truthfully as I could.

".. I'd long for you, I'd miss you, and I'd still love you.. but I would still move on."
He seemed a bit hurt when I replied. " Why do that that..? When you fall for someone else, you would want to buried next to them when you die right..?

I shook my head. "No.. no.. I would still be buried next to you. You are my first and always will be my first. But if your time goes up or my own, I believe it's best to move on. You can't just stop sharing your happiness because of death... someone else might need it. When my time is up, it's up, it's someone elses turn. They might need you. Why be selfish and deny that?"

"But Bria-chan.. if you were to ever die, my happiness would die along with you. I wouldn't be able to move on." at this point he was looking very disappointed at my replies. Ugh, the things I do in thanks if these questions just did not exist. Then I would not be forced to such a level.

I sighed and replied. "Happiness doesn't die unless you let it. I'll still be in your memories so you will still have your happiness. If I'm not here physically, don't let what I've given you go down the drain."


I held him, comforted him. It was odd this had begun and lead from the topic of Maxi's forecoming death. He can relate the death of a family pet to that of a relationship. What was even sadder though was that he began crying again.

"I guess I'm just selfish."

*sigh* and here I thought that if I got into a relationship, the one I'm with would be the foundation. Never did I think that it'd actually be me who was the firm stone like figure that supported the other.