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Amidst all this work, free time, and good memories:

I can't help but feel this giant barricade blocking a great void inside of me. It's odd but, If I close my eyes, I can see it. A giant red bricked wall, stories high standing in a colorless abyss.

It just stays there like some kind of door that has no handle and no one else knows what's behind it except me.

If a missing piece could take shape and embody an actual thing instead of nothing at all, that would be what is behind that wall.

It's that part I left behind in Florida. That missing piece has become a ghost and is eating away at me.

It's Something I had to leave, had to forget, that I now block out. And now I regret doing so, because the same thing I lost needs to be found here. But how can I find it when I've forgotten what it looks like? The only option I have is to go back to florida for a little while and see what made me feel so... at home.

I tried so hard to explain this to my boyfriend, but it got him rather defensive.

All I got was " What? You're not content here? You want to go back to Florida? You've got friends here, it's the exact same thing as back there! Only there's no freakin' war or stress."

I have to admit, my attempts to describe my feelings were rather measly and didn't even come close to the analogies I wanted.



Ugh.. more in another entry.