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Go read some Twilight fanfics!!

YOU AND YOUR STUPID BELLA ARE ALWAYS OFF DOING GOD
KNOWS WHAT..
AND JASPER NEEDS TO STOP TRYING TO GET WITH BELLA!!! SHE IS MINE!!! AND IF
ANYBODY TRIES TO STEAL HER, I WILL GO BOOM HEADSHOT ALL OVER THEIR
ASSES!
I'VE SEEN THE LOOKS HE'S GIVEN HER!!!
ACTUALLY, CONSIDER THE THOUGHT THAT JASPER COULD BE THE FATHER. OR
MYSELF... OR EVEN BETTER. CARLISLE!!! AH HA HA!! I TELL NOTHING BUT THE
TRUTH, MAN!! SO THESE WORDS COMING FROM MY MOUTH ARE NOT WEAPONS!!
YOU'RE JUST MENTALLY DISABLED AND HAVE PROBLEMS. DO YOU WANT ME TO
TALK SLOWER, CAUSE I CAN? ~TALKS SLOWER~ EDWARD, MY NAME EMMETT.
EMMETT THINK YOU A SH**HEAD!!!
DIDN'T STEAL YOUR STUPID F****** GIRLY STICKERS!!! UNLIKE YOU, I AM A MAN
AND WOULD NOT HAVE STICKERS OF BARBIE ALL OVER MY STUPID GIRLY
SCRAPBOOKS!! WHAT KIND OF A MAN USES BARBIE STICKERS AND DOES
SCRAPBOOKING AS A HOBBY!?!? EDWARD, ARE YOU GA*!?
DUDE, SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE THOSE STICKERS!! SHE'S LIKES DORA!!! SHE
THINKS BARBIE IS TOO MUCH OF A SLUT AND I AGREE WITH HER!! YOU SHOULD
KNOW THIS ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER!! YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR HER MAN!!
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES!!!
AHEM, YOU!! DO YOU SEE A FIRE ON MY HEAD!? NOW, STOP MOVING AS*WIPE
AND LET ME PUT OUT THE F****** FIRE!!! ~takes some of the slut Barbie stickers and starts
sticking them to Edward's head~ WHY AREN'T THESE STICKERS WORKING, THEY SAID
THAT THEY WEREN'T FLAMMABLE!?

K:
EMMETT, ARE YOU REALLY AS THICKHEADED AS YOU APPEAR? JUST BECAUSE
THEY AREN'T FLAMMABLE DOESN'T MAKE THEM FLAME RETARDANT!
FORGIVE MY HARSH WORDS BUT I WAS NOT INTENDING TO DIE TODAY! I KNOW I
AM BEING A SELFISH MONSTER, WISHING TO CLING TO MY LOWLY EXISTENCE,
BUT I COULD NOT BEAR IT IF I COULD NEVER AGAIN SEE MY DARLING BELLA OR
MY SWEET RENESME!

M-
DO YOU WANT ME TO SET YOUR WHOLE BODY ON FIRE, BECAUSE I WILL!!! NOW,
SHUT THE F*** UP!!! HMMM... OH, I KNOW!! STOP! DROP! AND ROLL!! TRY IT!!! IT
GETS FIRES OFF!! ~pushes Edward on the ground~ HERE, TAKE SOME OF THESE. YOU
CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE! ~sticks some more slut barbie stickers on Edward's head~ F***!!!
THERE'S NO MORE!! YOU'RE GUNNA DIE! STOP! DROP! ROLL!!!

K-
EMMETT STOP STICKING THOSE RIDICULOUS STICKERS ON MY HEAD, THEY'LL
MELT THERE!
*Manages to dunk head in the river in the back yard, and the flames go out*
AND I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T STEAL THOSE STICKERS, EMMETT! WELL JUST GOES
TO SHOW HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST YOUR HONESTY. I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU,
YOU KNOW!

M-
DUDE, GET OVER THE F****** STICKERS!!! YOU WERE JUST ON FIRE!! AND ROSALIE
IS IN A TREE WITH A CAM CORDER AND SHE TAPED ALL OF THIS!!! OH, NOW WE
GOTTA SHOW BELLA!!! AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO WIPE THOSE MELTED STICKERS
OFF YOUR FACE!! ~peels one of the stickers off of Edward's face that has a barbie doing
inappropriate things~ OH, LOVELY EDWARD!! BELLA AND .0000005 MEXICAN GIRL
WILL LOVE THIS!!