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XO

daily horoscope thing:
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
____________ [me name to be secret..unless someone just...knows it? O: or unless it's in my profile..haha],
You may not get what you really need today, but there is a good chance for you to make the best of it. In fact, part of your problem now is that you thought things were better, leading you to expect too much. Try not to place too much stock in those things that aren't working out, for the changes you make now can bring satisfaction soon.

bleh. X3 la la la. got the mp3..ok, the compressed less quality kind that was easy for me to download on this retarted computer. >,> lol.J. ROman & Saluna. ^w^ yay! XD i can play it over and over again and again...and burn it if i wish <,< XP

me ish on xanga right now, since i can copy and paste even a picture to xanga wif out needing a code! =D that rox cuz i'm lazy.

"how does she laugh how does she cry, what's the color of her eyes, does she even realize i'm here" --

>W< grrr. la la la. what's the point of waiting, you just end up empty-hearted



flip side: what's the point of taking chances, all you do is end up broken-hearted

love sux. XP bleh blah blah.

religion and stuff/people around it:::
one thing burning partialy in mind: aetheists. i think my 7th grade english/history teacher was one. >,> but yet, now, i've been thinking cuz me english teacher defined what it was. SO...no religion...you believe you're going to die and not come back or go to heaven. I'm kinda open minded and accept it yo..but if you were raised with believing that there's life after death and you're an aetheist by facts and stuff...isn't it kinda scary? or will you find some way to stay alive as long as possible? or..or...live your life to the fullest [like me 7th grade teacher, who played his guitar wif his amp during class *me wuz amazed and happy someone like that exits*. O.o but then again...if your life was succesful before you die and you die wif your family..you'd have no regrets....you'd just die and then CAPOUT*sound effect* your dead. ---but you're dead, you won't care. >.< but then, i guess i'm just afraid to die early >,> grr. so, i guess i should also combine this to my 'religious beliefs' and try to live to the fullest. @<>@ which was already added as a child. yet, we're suppost to like..cram in school but we don't. reason - used to a life of easyness... the effin exit exam for math is effin "7th grade' reading level ma geometry teacher Mr. Rosette told meh. i wish this world was based on just self-preservation [ish] and treat everyone equal...and have some kind of 'master writings' that they should follow. or, that the world divide in that type of blah. cuz, everyone's diverse and starting to clash with each other...no world peace here. they're fighting-which is what they've been taught for years.

what doing right now:

iono why i'm up. i just woke up and started to watch tv like at 2am. >.< i feel relaxed...i think i'll wear another hooded sweater tomorrow. 4am. lol. I DON'T CARE. =P i feel like i'ma get like a C- or a D on the quiz in like...uh...4 hours. haha. la la la. i cleaned my roomn earlier! =O! that's why i didn't go on gunbound and gaia..-sides, i left laptop at jan jan's house, so i can't play gunbound on this retartedly slow [double negative words? confused ] and doesnt have it here cuz i uninstalled it. me talkiin to dude in U.A.E? place where elaine comes from? confused ~~ anyway. he asked what other online games i played ~ragnarok [no]...i just said gaia.. but thing is, he isn't too fluent in english. >.< it's ok for people to understand..but he might not know words like "d**k"..."fuker"..."blow job"..."cupcaking"[tell me why that word exists..i think i know, it just seems retarted >,>]. lol. he just sent screenshots from gaia.. =.= and it's the post thing. bleh.
thinking:* mom has another 4th job... =.= i feel like hell each time i think of that. but, they're all at different times..some only a few times a week...her full time....and one is once a month. la la... ={} =[ T-T;;

love and actions of life blah blah:

is it possible to have two loves, but never went out with them? confused "love at first sight"--- "uh... or is it "infatuation" confused i would consider it..HM.....iono. that's all i can categorize them as far as:
1. consider to like 2.uh....infatuation 3.like 4.deep infatuation [love] --i think. O:

bleh. iono. pssh...all i know is that i'm only 14 [but not in few days]...and BLAH..lol. i'll look back and say --meh.. pssh. i was only a kid. >,>

i feel like i'm growing up slowly and behind the others. i feel like a freshman..cuz i'm 14 and maturity hasn't fully reached. intellect is alright ..reasoning/comparisions are coming over the "I WANT THIS NOW!" stage... ~~ not much fights wif mom *nod nod*

i'm almost 15..ever since few weeks ago..i was like..i should grow up..i'm almost 15. XD yet..in few months..people be 16! OH..Anthony's turning 16 in like...next month O: he started school late [unlike me who supposedly started early? confused ]

la la la. people starting to like rock. >W< i'm interested in it..but i'm still in the rap/hip hop stage [which is kinda old to some peoples i know O:]..Jan jan got "CRunk Juice" cd by Lil Jon [ma fave rap dude] >,> i was going to go to his house to burn it and play wif laptop, but not have enough time and i forgot other backpack wif laptop and cds..and anime dvds...and book. BLAH. lol. i don't cuss much online. haha. i don't go like "dIs beH EvIL. LiK3 oO mY g0sH" or s**t..haha. sherie still does that >,> XD. she gimme pickie of her and 3 other dudes ..i think her brothers. la la la.

new thought: i wana use the word "dislike" --cuz i just been thinking.. "hate" IS a STRONG word. ^,^ xD lol.

ok..cutting down to love. i wana avoid it kinda..even though i think bout it. =.= i just avoid 'talking/typing' bout it sometimes..depending on mood <,<

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"the last person wandering i thought would stay.

that stay was only for a short time,

and i even had doubts that it would last,

so it did not.

love is not coming my way,

not any time soon.

And as i look at my life,

i believe that is so.

nothing for anything serious...

only something to spark another in the future.

Life young is supposed to be Life happy.

Nobody said it was true..

but i wish it was..

and bet it was there just to bring hope to others.

+++++++++
where is that person?

the person of my dreams?

how many times shall i fall for these "masked people",

just as myself,

trying to find the person of their own dreams,

but in reality,

the person is there waiting to be found,

and not searching for someone.

As movies have told,

fate has brought the two lovers together,

and they seem just to be perfect.

When does everyone get this moment?

Has it passed me by many times?

Is that why i suffer so much?

waiting is a thing of the wise and fearless,

and is what i am doing right now.

The only thing though,

is that i fear..

Fear to live life alone day by day.

A 'hopeless romantic' trying to bottle up emotion,

getting by on a limb of love from friends and family,

feeling there's something missing,

which just might be waiting out there,

or right in front of that person's face...

******************

i think that's all for poems... =.= i have a million hidden from everyone else somewhere in my stash... =X haha. emotion blabber like the one above. i usually write bout my own feelings/expressions. some bout stuff i see, hope, blah blah. X3

i don't think they're good. i wish there was a class..LOL..[for i belive everything can be taught by a teacher or something...haha].

i think i'll post my journal on gaia and myspace now..lol.

night nite..maybe i'll skim the history review..i think we have a test today..haha. >.< bye!

edit: haha...since time i posted this is diff from time i made it..stuff just happpened. O: the guy left that i showd how to use gaia on msn. la la...uhm... a quote "the importance of life overpowers the darkness" ~~something like that. i saw on tv or something that i just had to write at the back of my old notebook last year. haha.

dum dum dum. i wish i could post the song of J Roman & Saluna here..but i don't wana bleh..pirate/copyright rules and crap..i'll find the mp3 and buy it myself as soon as it comes out >,> i want that musicbox thing back.. freaking $10 for 10 songs legally for "free trial"...bleh..i should just buy the target get instead or something. XP
*runs away*

edit #2: found mistake in last poem.. it's "front"~~not "from"..=.= retarted uly[self].