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Here I am Today, 16 years of age, trapped in a house where only chaos beakens to break and set every line of truth on fire.
Still in highschool of course and I've been..falling I guess you could say.
I feel not of myself but of a stranger, a stranger who is far more better than I could ever be.
I've dyed my hair, a darker shade of brown however looks like black. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I can't recall that the girl staring right back me, is merely me.
I feel like a stranger in my own body.
I feel like a stranger whenever I"m around my friends..
I've come to noticed at how much more I wish to be somewhere else..and not with my friends at school...because deep down, I know I wish not to be with them. Not anymore..
I'm disgusted with their scent..their warmth as they embrace me without my consent.
This emotion has come to point where I wish to yell at the faces that I once called my friends.
Friends that I once believe were true..
but I know..in my gut, that this feeling that shivers up my nervous system and into my brain is telling me, not to be a mere b***h but to protect myself from those who lie right in my face...
I should have accepted this feeling before my heart was broken many times before.
I should have opened my eyes but I was stuipd, naive and immature..
As a person, I'm clueless at who I am.
My words and thoughts have change from once I speaked or from what I first thought.
Could this change be the end of me and simply make me snap like I once did?
will i go crazy and start pulling out razors and crave for the sight of crimson?
Have I fallen under the spell of one who seeks to be my puppet master?
have the strings been dusted from their cobwebs and back into action?
Am I just losing it as I sit here in this room with this walls, each day they seem to be caving in closer.
And yet with all this naive, pityful thoughts, a name flashes in my mind and I can only hope to have him in my embrace...very soon..
before I have offically lost it.
 preciousjoy · Wed Mar 04, 2009 @ 12:43am · 0 Comments |
